Some encouraging words for infertiles

I hope you all had a wonderful New Year's Eve! My parents, sister, brother-in-law and Tyler and Peyton came over and we played cards until 9....we're so old. :) Tyler spent the night which is always fun. :)

I wanted to share something. I want to emphasize that this is not to brag or anything like that or make myself feel better by any means. I just know this really, really helped me feel better and I hope it can help someone else.

I have my moments when I get really down on myself and I'm sure a lot of my infertile friends can understand this. I feel less of a woman because I can't have a baby. I can't understand why I can't just get pregnant. I wonder what's wrong with me. And lately, I've been really down because we have to use donor eggs. I feel like a bad mom already because I can't bring my child into this world the way I should be able to and if I can't even do that, how am I going to raise a baby if I'm blessed with one? And I hate the fact that I have to inconvenience someone else to help bring my miracle into this world.

The other day I was feeling especially down and I was talking to my therapist about it. I can't remember what she said word for word, but it was something to this effect:

"Okay, Tammy, I think that's about the craziest thing I've heard out of your mouth." Sidenote: She's heard a lot of crazy things. "First of all, yes, you can look at it as an inconvenience but think about this. She gets to give you a huge gift, a miracle that she gets to be blessed to be a part of. Don't take that away from her. Put yourself in her shoes. Would you donate if you could?" Sidenote: Of course I would and I'd do it in a heart beat. "So, think of it from her perspective and not yours. She wants to do this and wants to be a part of a miracle, so let it happen and allow God to let it happen."

"Second, about being a bad mom already....seriously? Tammy, do you realize how much you have been through to try to be a mom? You've done 12 IUIs and an IVF. Most women would have thrown in the towel a long time ago, especially with Mark's health issues. But you haven't and you've proven that you're willing to go to extreme lengths to bring your baby here. That makes you a great mom and you're making the rest of us look like crap, so a big thank you to you (dripping with sarcasm). I don't think I've met someone who would be a better mom than you and I mean that. If there was something I could do to help you, I would in a heart beat and I think that's why you've had the offers to donate their eggs. People know who will make a great mom when they see one."

Also, through our therapy sessions, we've often talked about the road to a baby for a fertile couple as being a well-manicured path with lots of beautiful flowers and sunshine and the road for an infertile couple as a rocky path with no flowers and cloudy skies. But, on the road for us infertiles, we get to see the wild flowers....the flowers the others don't see. The friends we've made, the stronger marriages, learning to appreciate life more, etc.

Again, this isn't to brag or anything and I didn't post it to hear other people agreeing or saying wonderful things about me.....although you certainly can. :) JUST KIDDING!!! I posted it in hopes that it will make someone else feel better and look at it from a different perspective. And, please, if I have helped anyone, let me know as I love to help others and I would love to know if this has helped anyone.

Happy New Year everyone! I'm praying 2009 will be a great year for everyone filled with dreams coming true. Love you all!