Homecoming game

Friday night, Mark and I went to my school's Homecoming game and went with my parents, sister, BIL and Tyler and Peyton. Being it was our reunion that weekend, I was told they would be announcing it at the game, so we all went. It was the first football game Mark and I went to with the kids. It was fun, even though it was raining.


Peyton, me and Mark. I think even Peyton gets tired of all the pictures Auntie Tammy has to take.

Me and Mark

Tyler was also in the Homecoming parade earlier that afternoon. Unfortunately, I didn't get a good picture of him. :( But I got a good picture of Mark as a spectator with his drink:

It's actually Draven's bottle as we were baby-sitting at the time. But being Draven was in a building with her grandma and nowhere near us, made the fact that Mark was holding a bottle pretty amusing.

And of course I have to share a few pictures of me with Peyton and Draven, 2 of the cutest girls ever. I love them so much.



This is a picture of us doing the monkey pile. They loved it. We have so much fun with those girls.

For your Monday morning laughing pleasure...

Yesterday I was at the grocery store and I had gotten some peaches. The cashier picked up the peaches and was looking at them. Then she put them down and looked at me and....I kid you not....this came out of her mouth:

"Are these peaches or pears?"

Reunions

This is my 600th post! Wow. Maybe Mark’s right…maybe I really do spend a lot of time on the computer.

This weekend was my 15-year high school class reunion. I hate reunions. I admit it’s nice to see people you haven’t seen in a long time but now with Fac.ebook and e-mail, I get to talk to people anyway. So, I chose not to go.

The biggest reason I hate reunions is that dreaded question. I’m sure you all know what it is.

“Do you have any kids?”

Yeah, that one. I know nobody means anything by it, but from an infertile’s point of view, it can hurt. I know people are just interested in your life and just want to know what you’re doing now, but I still dread it.

Then after you tell the person you don’t have kids, there’s their reaction which can be any of the following:
1. The look of horror, like you’ve just committed the worst sin ever
2. The look of confusion, like you’ve just told them that no matter what they’ve been told, Monday doesn’t come before Tuesday.
3. The look of sympathy, like they feel sorry for you because they figure you have issues or because you just don’ t know what you’re missing.

Then, this is followed by an awkward silence as nobody really knows what to say.

Of course, some people decide to get into it a little more and ask “Do you plan on having kids?”

The question is what do you say to that? I usually just say “We’d love to, but it’s all in God’s timing”. I’ve found the best way to steer people away from the topic is to tell them “We’ve been trying”. That always seems to shut people up. I don’t think anyone wants to hear details.

I do realize people are just being polite and want to know more about your life which is very sweet. I try to just tell myself that and that they mean nothing bad by it.

So tell me, how do you guys handle that dreaded question? Do you go to reunions?

And, do you agree with Mark…do I spend a lot of time on the computer? 600 posts is a lot. That’s a lot of writing!!

Update on K

Thanks so much to everyone for your prayers for K! It means a lot!

She went in for an ultrasound yesterday and they found a heartbeat, although it was only 90 which says the baby is in distress. :( Right now there is a 50/50 chance of a miscarriage which is MUCH better than before so that is good news! She goes in next week to see if the beta is going down.

Please keep her in your prayers. K is very special to me. You may remember she offered to donate her eggs to me, but I wouldn't let her do it until she was done having children as there is a small chance of it affecting her fertility and I wanted her to have no regrets. I know what a huge decision that is and what a special, unselfish gift that is, so she's a very special friend to me just to have offered. When she hurts, I hurt and I just wanna fix it.....like I just wanna hold that baby in there for her.

So, thank you for your prayers! It means so much to both of us!!

Prayer request

Remember my good friend, K? She just found out today that she's miscarrying.

I'm so sad and devastated for her. She just got a pay cut and there are other things going on that haven't been easy for her and she just got hit with this today. She said it doesn't look like they'll be able to try again for awhile. It breaks my heart and I'm hurting so much for her.

Please keep her in your prayers. She's really hurting right now. :( Thanks for the prayers!

Updates

Here's a few quick updates:

Mark: Mark hasn't been feeling too well. :( His neuropathy has really been acting up and he has been in a lot of pain. I'll have to rub his foot really hard while he's screaming just to ease the pain. The most heartbreaking is watching him go through so much pain and not being able to help. The poor guy. His spirit remains good, though, which is nice. While he's screaming and I ask him what I can do to help, he'll just say "I need a hug, Tam". He knows I just need to be needed then. He's so sweet.

Our dog, Eddie: He hasn't been himself lately. :( It's really sad. I'm not sure what's going on, but he does have a growing lump on his leg. He had another one a long time ago that we had removed because it was in the way all the time. We never got it biopsied but now he has another one. :( He whines at night a lot and if I pet him, then he's okay as he doesn't want to go outside or anything. I think he's trying to get me prepared for motherhood. :) He is 14 years old but he's my baby and I just hope he's not suffering.

Me: I have a duodenal ulcer. I've had it for months. They ran a bunch of tests because they thought it was gallbladder and it ended up not being that. Now they've diagnosed me with a duodenal ulcer and says stress and worry tend to make it worse, so try not to do that. Yeah, right...that's like telling Mark not to drool at a 57 Ford Thunderbird. It's a constant dull ache that's really annoying, but otherwise it's okay.

Despite this, I keep thinking how lucky I am. I've read a couple blogs this week that have had to deal with some horrible devastation and my heart just breaks so much for them. I realize just how lucky I am just to have Mark with me and alive! I cherish him so very much. My life couldn't be better than what it is right now. I love Mark so much.

And there are other good news: Kami's ultrasound came back showing both girls are okay! Tomorrow we get to watch Peyton and Draven which I'm so excited and grateful for. And then tomorrow night, I'll be going to our first homecoming football game with the kids! We're celebrating our 15-year high school class reunion (yikes!) and they will be announcing it at the game. I'm really excited to go to the game as I haven't been to one in years and to be able to bring the kids with is that much more special.

I'm so blessed. I'm so lucky.

And I'm so glad we don't have a 57 Ford Thunderbird or I'd have a mess to clean up.

Online baby shower!!!

We’re having an on-line baby shower for Megan!

To give a short history, after both she and her husband struggled with infertility, Megan used donor embryos and is now pregnant with her son! After 10 years of going to many baby showers herself, she was so excited to have her own baby shower. Unfortunately, her mother-in-law doesn’t like Megan for some reason and so she boycotted the shower along with most of her husband’s side of the family. Out of 36 people invited, only 8 people came. On top of that, she also learned that the reason one of her good friends didn’t make it to the shower was because she had been killed in a car accident 9 months ago.

Poor Megan. I can’t imagine the pain she is going through.

So, let’s have a baby shower for her! Let’s help her realize just how much she is loved here in blogland! Even just a small gift will make her day!

If you would like to join us in making this a special shower for her, please e-mail me at tammywondra@yahoo.com. I will give you her address and where she is registered. Please identify yourself clearly. If I have any doubt, I will ask Megan if she is okay with me giving out her address and information. It’s nothing personal. I just want to be extremely cautious about giving out personal information and I’m sure everyone can understand that.

Thank you so much for helping make Megan feel special!!

If anyone would like to post this on their blog, please do!! The more the merrier!!

I think I'm ready for motherhood

I think I'm ready guys.

Yesterday, Tyler had a fit because he wanted something he couldn't have. He was screaming and crying and said "You're the meanest person ever! I never loved you at all!"

Awww, he loves me so much he hates me! What a feeling!

Peyton's first day of preschool

I can't believe I just wrote that title....and I'm sure when my sister reads that title, she won't believe it either, and maybe it'll depress her. :( So sorry!

Anyway, here are some pictures!


The back of her Dora back pack

The big girl

Peyton with Grandma (with Eddie :)). Peyton's showing off her work she did at school

Me and Peyton. Yes, my hair is wet and I had just gotten out of the shower....and it was almost noon when this picture was taken--the joy of working from home. :)

Peyton with Mark

I can't believe how big she's getting! It just seems like yesterday she was born!

And I have to tell you what she said yesterday. My mom and I were coming back from shopping and Peyton was in the back seat. Out of nowhere, she says "I wanna be just like you, Tammy!"

Awwwww.....it was the sweetest thing.

And she really did say that! You can ask my mom! :)

To my followers...

I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for following my journey. Your support, love and encouragement has gotten me through some of the toughest times and I'm so blessed to have you guys be a part of my journey. Thank you so much!! God has blessed me with some wonderful friends. You have become like a family to me and I love all of you!

My good friend, Kami, recently put up a post and I loved it and so I'm copying her. :)

I would love to meet the lovely people who are following my journey. If you could take a moment and introduce yourself, I would love to connect with you! I understand if you are busy bees. But how fun is it to meet new people??

I also would love to hear from my girls who I hear from on a daily basis! You can tell me a joke, or something that happened in your life that was hilarious! Or something that happened that changed your life forever! I want to hear it all!!!

I am going to leave this post open for a few days to give people the time to read it.

I am also going to turn on the anonymous so anyone can post. I want to hear from you and thank you personally for your support! It means so much!!!

This is gonna give ya chills....

First, I want to acknowledge 9/11 as so many other bloggers have. I will always remember that day and the lives that were lost. Mark was very sick that day and we were in the ER. I remember my SIL coming in to see us and asking me "Do you even know what's going on in the world right now?". I was sitting there rubbing Mark's head as he was puking in his bucket and I remember looking at her thinking My husband is sitting here sicker than a dog and you're wondering if I know what's going on in the world right now?

Later I felt so bad at the selfishness of that thought. I later found out in the ambulance ride to a nearby bigger hospital the whole story and we spent a week in the hospital watching everything.

My prayers go out to the families who lost so much on that day.

Now onto my post....and I promise this is good.

To give you some background, I have a very special friend, K. She's so special to me and is like a sister to me. She's always more concerned about me and my feelings than herself and is just plain awesome. She's actually offered to donate her eggs to me which is the most precious gift.....but after hearing there is a very slight chance of it affecting her fertility, I wouldn't let her do it until she was for sure done having children. But just the offer was so special to me and I want her to know that.

Anyway, back in 2006 a few months before we were going to have our first IUI, she had a dream that I found out I was pregnant when she was 7 months pregnant. At the time, she was pregnant and we were so excited as, after doing some math, her dream meant that our first IUI would work and I would finally be pregnant!! I'm one who thinks that God will talk through our dreams and give us hope through dreams so I was pretty hopeful our first IUI would work.

We know how that panned out. :(

Well, yesterday she called to tell me she was pregnant. And being the sweet, wonderful friend she is, she was more concerned about how I was taking the news than anything. What a sweetie. She even called back later to see how I was.

Anyway....here's where it gets good. :)

We were talking and her previous dream was brought up. We figured out that she would be 7 months pregnant in about May 2010. That would be about perfect timing I could find out I was pregnant with our precious baby/babies if Kami's sweet girls are born healthy and our embryos are transferred to our care and we do the frozen transfer.

Did ya get chills?? I get chills just talking about it. :)

I don't wanna get my hopes up, but wouldn't it be so cool if God really was speaking through K's dream and He just didn't mean her first pregnancy, but her second pregnancy? What a story to tell!!!!

Oh, and by the way, K found out she was pregnant on her son's second birthday!!! How cool! Happy birthday L! I love ya bunches!!

More sad than happy....

Thank you so much for the encouragement! I didn't realize how much I needed it until I got it. I realize that I am more sad than happy, thinking about "what could've been". I have a feeling this will be a long, emotional, roller coaster-type couple months, thinking about the IVF from last year.

But, I know there is a reason and to help me realize that, I put together a couple lists and I truly was amazed and so grateful when I read through the lists.

What I would have gained if the IVF worked:
1. I would have finally had my baby/babies.
2. I possibly would have met other bloggers who have babies.

What I have gained from the IVF not working and finding out I have scrambled eggs:
1. It opened my eyes to donor eggs/embryos and I have been able to help others understand because of it.
2. We went to Texas which we probably never would have done. In Texas we got to:
a. Meet my donor egg angel who has become like a sister to me
b. Meet Stacey who has also become like a sister to me
c. Spend time with Mark's niece and her family which we had always wanted to do
3. I have talked to and was able to get to know Megan who used donor eggs and is currently in her cycle now!
4. I have talked to and was able to get to know another Megan who used donor embryos and is pregnant with her son right now!
5. I've had numerous generous offers from wonderful women to donate their eggs and I have seen how many people want to help us
6. We've received the most precious gift from Kami, my donor embryo angel, and Steve of 3 perfect embryos. They are our children and we think and pray for them every day. They are our "Three Musketeers". :)
7. We were given the opportunity to be open about wanting to adopt a special baby who was in a tough situation. It never panned out, but we always know we at least said something and we have no regrets. If we had our own baby, we probably wouldn't have said anything and we would've always wondered if the baby was in the situation it was supposed to be in.
8. We have cherished and gotten closer to Draven, Tyler and Peyton and I'm not sure if we would've been able to cherish and gotten as close to them as much as we do now.
9. I've been able to do memory quilts with my Mom and I LOVE that. It's our bonding time and we never would've started doing that unless we had needed funds for our peanut fund.
10. We've been able to do a fund-raising garage sale where we received soooo many wonderful donations and got to see the wonderful support and love from people who want our dream to come true.

I love looking at those lists. It really makes me think and know that I'm truly blessed and lucky to have gone on the "road less traveled".

I guess God does know what he's doing. :)

Thanks again you guys! Your support, love and encouragement, along with God's, gives me so much strength.

A year ago....

It was year ago that I started my BCPs for my IVF cycle.

One year ago, I had so many hopes, so many dreams. I was so positive it was going to work.

I can't believe it's been a year and I can't believe how much my life has changed. I don't know whether to laugh or cry over this information.

I thought for sure I would have a 2-month-old baby now. After all, all the nurses told me I had the best cycle out of all the women in my cycle group.

I just can't believe how fast life can change. I have done a lot this past year that I never would have been able to had the IVF worked and I don't regret that...I really don't.

I can't say I'm happy and I can't say I'm sad. I guess I'm right in the middle, just hanging on like I have been.

I seem to be emotionless right now.

Memory quilt and new baby fleece blanket designs!

I wanted to share what one friend said about the memory quilt she got. It was so sweet and she gave me permission to share along with a picture:

I have to say, I don't think I've seen her so appreciative in a long time. She was really happy and she is taking that quilt to Portland too. LOL I really did a job of creating a good collection of memories, and she and my dad were shocked at what I managed- and everyone LOVED how it looks, the fabric and everything. Man was she THRILLED.

Thanks C! You're so sweet and so supportive! Love ya!



I also wanted to show some new baby fleece blanket designs. I still have to put them on my peanut fund blog, but here they are! All of them are $10 plus $10 shipping and handling. If you get more than 1, the shipping is still only $10.






To see the other designs, see the Wondra Peanut Fund blog. :)

Tyler's first day of school

Tyler had his first day of first grade on Tuesday...sniff, sniff. I can't believe how old he's getting.

Of course he had to have his grandma, grandpa and aunt there with his sister and parents. I'm sure he'll appreciate us all being there when we send him off to college. :) (Mark wasn't feeling the best and stayed home)


Here is Tyler getting ready to go to the bus

Grandma and Grandpa with Tyler and Peyton (with half of dog)

Mommy and Daddy with Tyler and Peyton

Tyler and Peyton (with dog). Peyton starts preschool next week but she had to have her back pack on.

Of course, you have to get the back of the back packs :)

Me with Tyler and Peyton

Tyler going up to the bus

I hope you guys have a wonderful, fun, long weekend. We're heading to Chicago with my sister, brother-in-law, Tyler and Peyton to visit my brother. It's about 7 hours away. Lots of bonding time. :) :)

What infertility has given to me **second post of the day**

I’ve recently read on a blog about what infertility has taken away from her. I thought about that and I realized for me it’s not about what infertility has taken FROM me, but what it has GIVEN to me.

Okay, I’d be lying if I said everything has been a bed of roses. Of course I’ve had my times when I’ve cried, I’ve screamed, I’ve wondered what was wrong with me, I’ve questioned God, I’ve wondered why we had to go through this, I’ve gotten angry and I’ve wished I had never gone through it.

And I’ve taken an egg and smashed it on the ground because I was so sick and tired of having scrambled eggs. Yes, that’s right, I did that. All while Mark’s staring at me, wondering if he should make an emergency phone call to my therapist.

But I am so grateful I have gone through this journey.

I’ve cried more, BUT I’ve smiled more.

My faith has been tested, BUT I’ve learned so much more about God, I’ve realized He has a plan and I’ve prayed more.

At times there has been more stress and strain in our marriage, BUT it has also made us stronger and we’ve learned to lean on each other more. I can’t imagine going through this with anyone else but Mark right by my side.

Some of the things I have learned may not get me closer to the goal of being a mom, BUT closer to the people who already exist in my life.

I’ve met people in my life who I otherwise wouldn’t have met.

I’ve realized not everything comes easy and that I take a lot for granted.

I’ve realized that sometimes no matter how hard you work for something, you don’t always get the outcome you want and even though we want it, it may not be the outcome we need.

I’ve realized when I get my baby, I will be more mature than I would have had it been easy.

As hard and painful as this journey has been, I’m glad God chose us to go through it. I’m honored this has been my cross to bear. I’m honored God knows I’m strong enough to go through this.

Mark's detailed truck

Last winter, I spilled a cup of cappuccino in the truck. It was really bad and the whole truck was sticky and smelled for a long time. I tried forever to get it out and couldn't. Mark was super nice about it, but I thought the least I could do was get the truck detailed for him.

So, that was a $150 spilled cup of cappuccino. :(

Mark was so in love with the detailing that he insisted I put up the pictures on my blog right away. Apparently because this isn't my blog and I don't get to choose what I put on here and he has total control. And even though I wanted to put pictures of Tyler's first day of first grade, I have to put up pictures of Mark's truck because this isn't my blog.

In case you didn't notice, that was dripping with sarcasm. :) I was glad Mark was so happy though and even more glad the cappuccino came out. :)

Here are the pictures:






Can ya tell he's happy? :)