You may or may not have heard about the Larry Nassar case. The former US gymnastics doctor pleaded guilty and recently sentenced to up to 175 years in prison for sexually assaulting about 200 women.
I have been following this since it first broke out mostly as a gymnastics fan. I had been a gymnast myself, watched it whenever I could on TV and am also a coach. Gymnastics is a big part of my life.
When the Nassar case first came out, it hit close to home. Most of these women were gymnasts who were seeing him for back pain when they underwent these "treatments". During my high school gymnastics career, I spent two years with severe back pain, seeing doctors, chiropractors, therapists, you name it.
That could've been me.
I was never elite---never even close. But that didn't matter. Their stories were so eerily similar to mine: Young teens who love gymnastics, terrible back pain but wanting to continue so badly in the sport they love and would see anyone who could help them feel better to make that possible.
I was drawn to the case as I felt for these women so badly.
As the sentence hearing came closer and closer, I was determined to listen to as many victim/survivor statements as I could. Many people would state they couldn't listen, couldn't hear what they had gone through and it would be too hard. Yes, it would be devastating to hear their stories. BUT these were brave women, going through a nightmare, wanting their stories to be heard and they deserved to have people listen.
I was determined to listen for them. Under different circumstances, I could have easily been one of them and I would have wanted my voice to be heard.
But after hearing the first victim/survivor statement, listening took on a new meaning.
The first victim/survivor wasn't a gymnast or athlete at all. She had been a family friend whom Larry assaulted for 6 years. She tried telling her parents who didn't believe her. She tried to report him and it didn't work. Her dad kept telling her she needed to apologize to Larry for making up these lies against him. When her dad finally realized in 2016 that she hadn't been lying, he committed suicide. She was abused starting at the age of 6.
The same age as Hannah.
This was no longer about me. This was about what I could do to help my daughter.
Suddenly I was hanging onto every word the victims/survivors were saying. The warning signs, the grooming techniques. How could this have gone on for so long? How could they have stopped him? How can I be sure Hannah isn't a victim?
The part that bothers me most about the first case was her parents didn't believe her. She did everything right---told her parents, tried to report him, etc. And yet, her parents took her side over Larry's.
How heartbreaking.
I've instilled into Hannah that she can tell me anything. All she has to do is tell me she needs to talk to me and I will talk with her about anything and I will listen.
But is that enough?
I'm lucky that I grew up with parents who were very trusting. I'll never forget when I was in middle school and had been at a friend's house after school. Later that night, my parents found an empty pack of cigarettes in my school bag and confronted me about it. I panicked. It certainly wasn't mine but it looked bad. I told them it had to be my friend's dad's as that was the kind of cigarettes he smoked and the pack must have fallen into my bag somehow. It was the only explanation I could think of but I knew my parents wouldn't believe me. I was preparing for a lifetime of punishment.
To my surprise, they just said "okay" and dropped it. They believed me.
I can't tell you how much that meant to me. I was telling the truth but it was so far fetched. They listened to me and they believed me.
I'd like to say if put in that same situation, I'd do the same but I can't promise that. It would be hard. And if Hannah came to me now and told me she was being sexually abused, I'm honestly not sure how I would react. It would be hard. I would listen---I know that. I think no matter what, I would believe her---but I wouldn't want to. The thought of someone I trusted hurting my baby girl in the most horrendous way would shake me to the core.
I'm sure that is what some of these parents were thinking. Maybe they did believe them but didn't want to. Because it hurt less to think they were just lying rather than face the terrible truth.
There are lots of changes going on because of this---the biggest sex abuse scandal in history. Change is what is needed. Change is good. But we all need to learn something from this.
This could easily have been anyone of us.
These brave survivors deserve to be heard.
We need to listen to our children and believe them. The more we listen and are there for them, the more they will talk to us.
There is so much evil in this world but we can overcome it by sticking by our children, by our survivors and fighting for change.
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