Consult with our RE

Today we had a phone consult with our RE in Michigan. This was the first time I had the courage to call and talk with him about things.

And, really, I didn't hear anything I didn't already know. But, I admit it was nice to hear from the doctor himself about things.

Here is what he had to say:

--The embryos were of great quality and were expanding nicely right before the transfer and everything looked great. He was sure we would have at least 1 baby and was shocked we didn't end up pregnant
--The embryos just didn't continue to divide and died inside me. It didn't matter that it was my uterus. It could've been anybody's and they would have still died. There was nothing I did wrong. Some embryos just don't turn out to be babies.
--The next step is either donor eggs or donor embryos
--The MI clinic doesn't have a donor embryo program. They said they would call if someone wanted to donate but Kami was their first patient they have ever had donate embryos in their clinic.

So, I really didn't learn anything new, but like I said, it was comforting to hear from the doctor and hear from him that I didn't do anything wrong and that it wasn't me. It was sad talking about how the babies died. I felt like we should be talking about how they are growing inside of me.

As nice as it is to hear I did nothing wrong, I still wanted answers. I wanted to know something I could do different as a mother. I want answers as to why my babies died, just like any mother who has lost a child. I just want to know what happened. So, I hung up the phone feeling pretty discouraged and down.

Basically now, our future is just waiting and seeing what happens. It's all in God's hands. I can handle that.

I just wish I knew what happened and had answers and it gets me down and discouraged that I don't have that.

But I know what I DO have:


A wonderful husband who loves me unconditionally and my best friend


Our precious Draven who is so very special to us


Our dear Sam who gives the best hugs and is such a sweetheart


Our very, very special Peyton, Adelaide and Tyler who make the world glow just with their precious smiles


And our dear, most precious James who has brought so much joy to our lives just in his short time of being here with us

And all my family and friends who stick by me through thick and thin and everything. I am so very blessed.

So when I don't get the answers I want or feel so discouraged, all I need to do is look around and realize what I do have rather than what I don't. I am lucky and God has given me so much.

I also have to include a few more pictures that I think are so cute.

Here is proof that Peyton takes after her Auntie Tammy. She's busy working on her laptop. :):


And you all know how hard it is to take a picture of kids and get them all to look at the camera at the same time? Well, once again, I had trouble when taking a picture of these 2 "kids":

First Mark was looking at the camera and Adelaide wasn't


And then Adelaide was looking at the camera and Mark wasn't.

Sigh....

Day 2 continued

04/08/10 continued

I love embarrassing Mark as most of you know. So, in the airport while we were waiting for our second flight, when my mom and I went to get some food and were coming back, I waved really big at Mark. At first he just shook his head, but then he started looking around as if to see who I was waving at.

And of course, I had to do the same thing to my mom. When she got up to throw some garbage away, I yelled "Patsy!". She turned and I waved really big. She just shook her head while I was laughing so hard...I know, I'm a geek.

On the second flight from Chicago to Detroit, we all had to sit in separate seats away from each other which was kind of a bummer.

I have to give a little background here. When we first got our plane tickets, I had a lot of trouble getting them and then ended up paying big bucks. I found out later from my brother that the Frozen Fo.ur for hockey was the same weekend in Detroit and Wisconsin was playing. So that was why the tickets were so hard to get.

So on the way to Detroit, I ended up sitting next to Wisconsin's #21's dad. He had asked me if we had family in Detroit. I kind of stumbled. I really didn't want to get into the whole story with a complete stranger, so I just said "sort of". (as a side note as I'm typing this, now I would say YES I definitely have family there!!!!). He probably thought I was a goon or something. I mean, either you got family or not. But imagine his surprise if I would have explained it to him: "Okay, here we go...we have 3 babies in Michigan that we adopted and we'll be doing a transfer tomorrow in hopes that they will come home with us. Then we have the donor parents and siblings we are like our family now and then they have their older girls, so really when we get down to it, we have 3 babies and then the rest of the extended family, so really, yes, we do have family in Michigan." Ya think I would've lost him?

I have to tell ya, descending down into Detroit was a little emotional for me and I had to swallow a lump a couple times. I couldn't believe how close we were to our babies!

Anyway, it was nice when we landed to be back with Mark and my mom finally. We got our rental car and then we were off to find our hotel. They had a sign at the hotel welcoming "Club Members" and I saw "Tammy W.". I remember thinking Wow, there's another Tammy W., pretty cool! Then it hit me when the front desk person pointed out that sign and that it was for me. I had just joined a Holiday In.n/Candle.wood Suites Club when I made the reservation. I felt so dumb when I realized the other person was me. :)

After we had checked in, we went out to eat. Then, after a trip to Wally World, we went back to the hotel. Despite Mark being so tired, he went to the exercise room and I went to bed. :) We had been up since 3:30 in the morning and I was beat.

We watched the Wisconsin hockey game on TV. My brother had decided at the last minute to come up for the tournament so we were excited as he was going to stay in our room with us. He traveled up from Chicago. He had given my sister such a hard time, telling her he was coming up to be here for us and support us, making her feel bad for not being there. It was funny. We all know if it weren't for hockey, he wouldn't be there, but we were grateful he's coming and it'll be great to see him.

I got to talk to Peyton tonight! She was so cute! She asked me if we were trying to have a baby in Michigan. I told her we were. Then she said "It's not going so well?". I explained to her that we would know more tomorrow. It was so cute!


Mark sitting at our kitchen in the hotel room


My mom in our living room


Our bedroom where I spent a-l-o-t of my time!


My mom and I in our matching p.j.s we got from my SIL

Day 1 & 2

04/07/10

We started out at about 6:30 p.m. I knew my brain was mush from the very beginning. As we (me, Mark and my mom) had all gotten into the car and had locked the house, I started panicking because I couldn't find the keys. I started getting out of the car to go back into the house when I realized they were in my lap....I'm such a nerd.

On the way down to the hotel, I was able to talk to our SIL who we had left a message for about the transfer the day before. It was really good to talk to her. Then Megan called and told me they would be able to make the trip to meet us!!! I was soooo excited!!

We got to the hotel at about 8:00 p.m. and checked in. We had to move the car because we were doing the Park-n-Fly. So I went out to move the car, only to come in and realize I hadn't locked it. So, my mom ran back out to do it. My brain was total mush.

Mark gave me my PIO shot (Mom was impressed with the needle :)) and then watched American Id.ol. What a shock about Big Mike! But not a shock that they saved him---I knew they would.

We had the lights off by 9 but to be honest, I had trouble falling asleep. I was super excited! And there was a constant beeping coming from the furnace which was really annoying---but most of all, I was just too excited!!

04/08/10

We had a wakeup call set for 3:30, although both my mom and I were up before then. I honestly couldn't sleep too much throughout the night. :) It was really early for Mark, so he wasn't awake too much. :)

Our shuttle left at 4:00 a.m. from the hotel and our driver was a hoot. He told so many stories. He did ask where everyone was going. One couple was going to Jamaica, another to Mexico. I proudly said "Detroit, Michigan!" and was kind of relieved he didn't ask more than that. Not that I was ashamed by any means...just that it's a long story and not something too many people understand, ya know?

One thing he mentioned to all of us was to enjoy life--not to take anything for granted. And to be happy. That really stuck in my mind.

We didn't have any real big issues at the airport. We were a little frustrated as we were waiting for a shuttle as Mark has a hard time walking and a shuttle never did come even after having one paged. So Mark had to walk quite a bit, but it all worked out.

So now, I'm in the airplane with my mom on my left and Mark on my right--2 very important people in my life during one of our most important life adventures! How am I feeling? Excited, nervous, scared....but mostly excited!!

Mark is nervous. He's mostly worried about me if this doesn't work. I told him I'm focusing more on this miracle we've been given and enjoying the process. We can always cross the ugly BFN bridge if we have to but we don't need to cause any unnecessary pain.


Mark and I waiting for the shuttle that never came....Mark is so awake! :)


My mom


Mark on the plane...yes, he is yawning! :)


My mom and I on the plane

I'll be typing more out later!

We're heeeeeeere!!!!!

We are now officially in Michigan, settled in and that much closer to our sweet babies!!

I won't have much time to be on the computer the next few days, but I'm journaling everything and I promise to be blogging EVERYTHING when we get back for sure. :) But from now until we get back, you might be getting short updates, but I promise to update you, especially after the transfer tomorrow! :)

I have to say I'm so excited as we get to meet Kami and Megan on Sunday!!! YAY!!! I can't wait!! These girls are so special to me and it'll be a lot of fun to meet!

Please keep us in your prayers tomorrow!! It starts at 6:30 in the morning when they'll do labs and the u/s and we'll go from there! Please pray Peanut and Hazelnut survive the thaw perfectly! We hope to save Lugnut for a future FET.

I know I'm behind on blogs and I probably won't get caught up for awhile....I'm sorry! Know that I'm thinking of all of you soooooo much, especially you Chelle! I'm so sorry it won't work out that we won't be able to meet but I sure am thinking of you!

Thanks to all who have e-mailed and those who came over from Kami's and/or Megan's blog to show your support and follow. It really means a lot to me! I want you to know that I appreciate all your comments and support even though I haven't had time to comment/e-mail back. I'm so far behind on e-mails, too. :(

Love to all! I'll update you tomorrow!

Transfer is scheduled!

The transfer has been scheduled for next Friday afternoon!!

Can I get a Woohoo???!!!

I start my PIO injections on Sunday. Happy Easter to me, huh? :)

Everything looked really good this morning! The 2 nurses said my lining was "beautiful". I'm sure they say that to everyone, though, so I didn't think too much about it, but it's always nice to hear you're beautiful. :) My lining was at 11 today.

We brought Peyton with us and she had fun. I was hoping there wouldn't be too many people in the waiting room as I knew seeing a cute little 3-year-old when you're struggling with IF couldn't be easy, but luckily we were the only ones there. It was fun to bring her.

We had them draw circles where to put the PIO injections so it'll be easier for Mark. Peyton sure thought it was funny that they were "drawing on my butt". She laughed about it for quite awhile.

So the plan is that we have an ultrasound and blood work next Friday morning in Michigan. That should take a couple hours to get the results back. Then when those come back okay, they will thaw our babies and do the transfer! I think I'm mostly worried about the thaw. I know there is an 80% success rate with the thaw, but it still plays in my mind. After all, there was a 98% chance our embryos would at least divide with our IVF and we were in the 2%...so I get a little nervous. And we've gotten so attached to our babies and it would crush us to lose any at this point.

But, it's all in God's hands and all we can do is pray. :)

Mark did have quite the experience today. First, he had a horrible night with nerve pain and didn't get much sleep at all. Then, when we were at the clinic and getting out of the elevator, the elevator door slammed shut on him, hitting him very hard on his head. It really smacked him hard. I felt so bad for him. Usually when a person walks in front of an elevator, it'll open back up but this one didn't. He's still complaining about a "soft spot" on his forehead. I could make a comment about it, but I think I'll let that one go. :) Needless to say, it felt good for him to get home and he's slept really good all day.

Here are some pictures from the day!


Peyton before we left


Peyton in the waiting room.


Mark showing off his "soft spot"


Mark and Peyton in the waiting room

Then after we got home, Mark and Peyton decided to go hang outside and have a little supper:

Holy Moly!

We found out this afternoon that our transfer will probably be next week.

Do you realize that's like one week away?

That's 1 week, 7 days, 168 hours, 10,080 minutes.

You guys, I remember when we were months away from this and now this could be happening in a week!

Holy Moly!

The day started out kind of worrisome. During my ultrasound, the tech said a few times she thought my lining was too thick for us to keep going in my cycle. My lining was about 7. I was thinking 7 is too thick? It made no sense to me at all, but I had never done a FET before so I was leaning more on her advice and that made me nervous when she said she thought it might be too thick.

Then she goes over to my right ovary and immediately says "Oh, do you have a cyst there?". My heart sank. I know cysts are bad news during our cycles. Right away I'm asking her what could be going on. It was clear on Thursday, how could it change so fast? Then she realized that part of my bowel was twisted in an awkward way right next to my ovary, making it look like a cyst. She giggled a little and apologized for giving me a scare.

More like a flipping heart attack, lady.

Needless to say, I was extremely relieved when my Michigan clinic called telling me everything was looking great! Woohoo! They told me to increase my Estrace pills to 3 times a day. If anyone has been on that, I think you'll agree with me that that stuff is n-a-s-t-y. You have this wonderful (sarcasm) bluish discharge and it's disgusting. Not only that, but it has made me pretty hormonal and emotional....and I'm thinking you want me to increase that? Are you kidding me?

But I'd do anything for the babies. :)

Then the nurse told me that we'll be doing another ultrasound this Friday and that will be the last one in Minnesota. The next one will be in Michigan. I was surprised and asked her if we were still looking at a transfer the middle of April. She said things were looking so good that we were looking more at a transfer next week.

Here I couldn't believe it was two weeks away and now we're looking at one week away!

I can't believe it! I'm very excited that this moment has come. We won't know for sure what will happen until we have the ultrasound and labs on Friday and then we'll know for sure when the transfer will be.

I can't wait to meet our babies. I look at the pictures on Kami's blog of her precious girls and I realize if our babies are half as cute as Kami's girls, we will be blessed more than we ever could imagine. We are so lucky!

Ultrasound update

Dear Peanut, Hazelnut and Lugnut,

Today was our second ultrasound and blood work. It was bright and early in the morning again. I was a little worried about Daddy as he had been up all night with some really bad nerve pain in his legs, but he toughed it out and went with, which I knew he would. He's such a good daddy. He got a little sick on the way home, too, after drinking some pop. But, after we got home and he got to rest, he was feeling better which was a relief to me.

Grandma came with too. That's right, she braved Mommy's driving and came with. She must love you guys a-l-o-t.

The ultrasound was good! My lining is at 5 and both ovaries were quiet. I was also told my labs were great, so everything is on track. Looks like your home is going to be pretty cozy. I'm trying my best to make it as comfortable as I can for you guys!

We were there for about 15 minutes and drove back home. Hardly seems worth it, doesn't it? But any time we get to do anything for you guys, it's worth it.

I had just a little scare when I started spotting this afternoon. But the nurse told me that it's perfectly normal at this point and it soon will be stopping. Thank goodness! I was scared, but was so happy to know it was okay.

I get to cut back on my Lupron starting tonight and add in estradiol in the morning and night. I'm so excited as this is another step to bringing you guys home!

I go back in for an ultrasound on Monday. I'm not sure why so soon, but I trust the doctors. I'm hoping others who have gone through a frozen transfer can help me figure out why I have to have another ultrasound so soon.

So, there you have it babies! Another appointment, another step closer to you and we couldn't be happier!

And of course, I'm sharing more pictures below.

We love you so much and can't wait to meet you!

Love

Mommy and Daddy


Mommy and Daddy before we left for the clinic (Daddy wasn't smiling too much as it was early in the morning and he had just woken up).


Mommy and Grandma before we left for the clinic (I know, we look nothing at all alike).


Daddy and Grandma at the clinic (Daddy woke up a little)


Mommy and Daddy at the clinic

Little update

Don't forget to comment on my giveaway post!! It's open until Thursday night and Peyton will pick the winner on Friday!!

I wanted to let you all know that Thursday is our ultrasound to find out how cozy our baby's/babies' home is! I'm superexcited!! I'll definitely let you know how things look!

I've been doing acupuncture once a week and massages every other week right now. I'm obviously loving it. :) Any excuse to relax is heaven.

And you know, Mark loves it, too, but for a different reason. I'm actually shaving my legs! Yes, I'm one of those who during the winter/pants season, I have a tough time shaving my legs on a regular basis. It's something Mark is trying to change in me, but so far it's not happening.

But, right now he's getting some serious shaved legs and he is l-o-v-i-n-g it!

Our first Lupron shot

Dear Peanut, Hazelnut and Lugnut,

Yesterday was Mommy's first Lupron shot! I was so excited to finally start the shots, but Daddy wasn't. Daddy knew he would be giving me the shot and he didn't want to hurt me. I thought he would be more excited to give me shots. After all, I give him 6 insulin shots a day, so I thought he would be more excited about "payback", but he was so afraid of hurting me.

Daddy did very good giving me my shot. I had forgotten how much the Lupron burns, so I was a little surprised at first and was taken back which made Daddy feel even worse about hurting me. But, it was very short-lived and it was only a split second that it burned. And I would do it a million times for you guys.

Your grandma and Aunt Danielle were so excited about me starting the shots. Grandma wanted to have a "shot party" and invite everyone over. But we knew that we would be picking up Grandpa off the floor. He doesn't do well with shots or drawing blood. Daddy likes to tease Grandpa by talking about his insulin shots. Grandpa gets really dizzy and sick to his stomach. It's kind of funny.

And your aunt Danielle left a nice message on our voicemail saying she was excited we were starting the shots, but not excited we had to do shots. It was really sweet. Everyone knows how big of a thing it is to start the shots and it means so much to us that people are so excited for us.

I'm trying so hard to give you guys a good, safe home. I'm doing acupuncture and back adjustments once a week. I'm doing massages every couple weeks. I'm trying to stay as stress-free as possible. I talked to a nutritionist to get on all the appropriate vitamins and supplements to make you guys as healthy as I could. And Daddy has been right there supporting us every step of the way. We really want you guys to stay here with us and we're trying so hard to make it as comfortable, happy and healthy as we can.

We'll be seeing you guys in about a month and we can't wait! Until then, you are constantly in our thoughts and prayers and in our hearts. We love you so much!

Love, Mommy and Daddy

Our calendar!!

I've been meaning to post about this, but just haven't had the time lately. Between Mark and I, we've had quite a few appointments. But, I'm not complaining as most have been regarding bringing our little nuts home so I'll take it all for sure. :)

I've had quite a few people ask if we've gotten our calendar yet so I wanted to post about it. Thank you so much for your prayers and questions!! It means so much that you care!

Here is the calendar:

March 1: Start BCPs (birth control pills) and stay on until March 21.
March 15: Begin Lupron shots
March 25: Blood work and u/s. Begin Estrace.

From that u/s, we will see how it goes. They are predicting a transfer the middle of April.

I'm so giddy excited about starting the shots! I know....w-i-e-r-d, but I just can't wait!!! Less than a week! It'll go by really fast. :)

Thanks again for the support and prayers!! I know I'm behind on blogs and I always feel bad about that. I promise to get caught up soon!!!

Kinda gives you chills....

On Monday, March 1, we received our contract in the mail officially declaring our little "nuts" ours.

Tuesday, March 2, was Mark's birthday and he said he got the best birthday present ever.

I found out this afternoon that our transfer will be the middle of April!! Woohoo!!!

You know when my birthday is?

April 18.

I think I'll be getting my best birthday present ever, too.

We are so blessed.

Ultrasound update

Dear Peanut, Hazelnut and Lugnut,

Monday was our first step in bringing you guys home! We got up very early in the morning to drive an hour to the clinic. I was a little worried about Daddy as he doesn't do well riding in the car in the mornings because of his tummy troubles. I had even told him that he didn't have to go with but he looked at me like I had corn growing out of my ears. I knew he wouldn't miss going for the world. So, he had something to eat and he was able to make it without getting sick!

When we got there, I was so excited. I was so happy we were finally doing something to bring you guys home! Everything went well at the clinic. We got to see the place where we're hoping you guys will be snuggled in for 9 months! When you get in there, please try to hold on as tight as you can, okay? From what we saw, it's a nice place in there and you'll like it. I promise to make it as comfortable for you as I can.

Daddy likes to come with and be there for us, but he doesn't think the clinic is the best place for men. He says they talk about cycles, but not Harley Davidson cycles which he would like to talk about. He also says they play hockey but there is no goalie. He's talking about the "hockey stick" procedure or the ultrasound they do. Some day I'll explain it to you but probably not for another 30 years. :) If you guys are girls, I don't think Daddy will ever want you to hear about it.

After we got our ultrasound and lab work done, we went home. Daddy was so tired that he fell asleep on the way home. He had had a very long weekend with the toy show we were at so I was glad he was able to rest. He rested when he got home, too, which was good. He loves us so much. No matter how tired he was, I knew he wouldn't give up going to the clinic and being there for us.

Yesterday I also started on the birth control pills. I know it sounds weird that I take birth control pills to try to bring you guys home. It is confusing. Some day I'll explain that to you, too.

We haven't received our calendar of our schedule. I was hoping to get it today but we didn't. So, I'll be calling the clinic to find that out. Your daddy and I need to know! We are so anxious and excited to meet you guys! I can't believe it'll be just a few short weeks when we'll see you! We've waited for so long and can't wait to see our precious babies.

We love you so much. So many people love you guys. I think you're the luckiest babies in the world. You have so many people pulling for you.

I have to show you some pictures from Monday. You can see how tired Daddy was.


Here is Daddy


Here is Eddie. I tried to get him to look at the camera but he wouldn't. I think he was still mad at us for leaving him during the weekend and knowing we were leaving again made him really mad at us.


Mommy and Daddy. Poor Daddy was so tired. Mommy didn't look so good either but it was early in the morning

We love you and can't wait to meet you,

Mommy and Daddy

What could be.....

I want to thank you guys sooooo much for all your support with the upcoming FET. It's amazing to me how encouraging you guys are. Thank you so much!!

I'm pretty sure I ovulated on the 14th. Yay! So, from my phone conference with the doctor, this could be my schedule:

Of course this is definitely not set in stone by any means, but it's fun to kind of play around and get ideas. :)

January 29: CD1
January 31: Start BCPs and stay on for 21 days
February 14: Start Lupron shots (on Valentine's Day...how cool is that??? :))
February 18: Blood work and ultrasound to check lining. Start Estrace
Continue Lupron and Estrace for 10 days until lining is 8-9 mm

Which means we would be doing the transfer at the end of February/beginning of March. Mark's birthday is March 2nd....wouldn't that be the coolest thing if the transfer was on Mark's birthday??? It gives me chills.

Okay, so being now that I've figured this all out, this will be the time that AF is way late and I'm weeks off. :) Even if I'm just a few days off, it's amazing to me that in about 6 weeks give or take, I will be PUPO (pregnant until proven otherwise).

Finally! This dream has been 6-1/2 years in the making and it brings tears to my eyes that no matter what, I will be PREGNANT! Our baby/babies will be right here with me!

Amazing! God is so good! I'm so blessed!!

My body's getting ready to...

ovulate!!

I know, TMI, and you're probably thinking "Is it really necessary to tell us?"

Well, see the reason why I'm so excited about ovulating is that after I ovulate, it's 2 weeks later that we start our FET cycle.

TWO WEEKS BABY!! TWO WEEKS!!

So, you can see where I might be a tad excited. :) And the last time I will want to see AF show for a looooooooooooong time.

And like Mark was saying "It'll be a long time before you'll embarrass me in the tampon aisle!"

We can only hope and pray honey. :) Yes, it is my pride and joy to embarrass Mark in the tampon aisle.

Right now, though, my main focus is Kami, Steve and the babies and making sure the babies are born healthy and happy. I pray every day the babies are born safe and they are okay. It's getting closer and closer for them and I can't wait for the babies to be born!!

Our consult

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers today!! I know so many people were thinking and praying for us and that means a lot!

Our consult went so well. In fact, it couldn't have gone better.

The doctor was so nice and gave us a lot of information. They recommended a psychology appointment but it wasn't necessary. When I told him we had one when we got on the donor embryo list here, he said that was perfect, so we don't have to see one again. Yay!

Then, we found out the embryos were frozen individually! So, it's completely up to us if we want to transfer 1, 2 or 3. Yay! That was a HUGE relief to us as some may know and as their parents, we were so happy.

It was also optional if we wanted to get additional FDA testing done on Kami and Steve. They were already done when they did their IVF but if we wanted it repeated, we could...but didn't have to. Yay!

Their survival rate is about 70-80% and the chance of pregnancy with the FET is about 40-50%.

They kind of went through the protocol, but being it's still quite aways away, we didn't get too much into it. We explained that we wanted to for sure wait until Kami's twins were born and then go on with the FET. So, right now, we're looking at end of January/beginning of February, of course depending on how Kami and the girls do.

And we want Samantha and Mia to come out very healthy so we don't mind waiting as long as it takes. We just want Kami, Steve and the girls to be okay, healthy and happy. :)

They also gave us a name of a hotel nearby that gives discounts if you are a patient. I think she said it was $59 a night or something like that. Anytime we can get a discount is so sweet. :)

All the monitoring can be done here and they'll just fax the orders. They actually said we'll just need to go to MI for 2 days, the day before the transfer and the transfer and we can be on the plane that night. We're probably going to rest for a couple days after anyway and be somewhat on bed rest, but it's nice to know. Our clinic here requires bed rest.

Everything just went so well. It was so nice to have something sound so positive and so reassuring. And when I was talking to the nurse, she said to be sure to say hi to Kami and that she was thinking of her....I thought that was so sweet and very personable. My clinic is personable, too, but it's nice to know there are others out there too and others that also don't seem to be really hitting you up for money.

Thanks again you guys!! Thanks for your prayers and support! We are so happy and so grateful it went well and grateful for the prayers and friends. :) Love you all!

Update

Thank you all for the wonderful support the last few days. It has meant so much.

When we first found out, I was so angry. Angry because they made such a big mistake in not telling us about this and angry because once again, we had a hurdle and we couldn't catch a break. I was so angry that I just wanted to give up. My poor mom got the brunt of it and being the great mom she is, she just let me be angry. She tried to be positive and I just got mad and said "I don't want anybody being positive. I just want someone to be angry and tell me it's not fair. Why do we have to go through so much? Why do we always have the hurdles? We've been through enough!". And my mom agreed and listened which was exactly what I needed at that point. So, thank you Mom! I love you!!

Yesterday, I made some phone calls. I also was so fortunate to be able to e-mail Jen who is currently pregnant with twins from embryo adoption and she was soooo helpful and so sweet! Thank you Jen!! With her help and advice, I was able to get more down to the bottom of things.

I talked with a different nurse yesterday who did confirm that our embies needed to go to Reprotech. She said if it was too expensive or too much time, we could travel to MI for the transfer and be monitored here. I questioned it because if it was a federal law, wouldn't the embies have to go through the same thing at MI? She said that was a good question (of course it was) and put me on hold while she found out for sure.

After awhile, she came back on and told me that she found out it was actually a clinic policy and not a federal law (funny how when you really start questioning things, you get to the bottom of things). After Dr. Malo found out how much it was going to cost at Reprotech, he decided he would look into it more and see what he could do for us.

I also called the clinic in MI to see what they could do for us. They couldn't give much information because I wasn't a patient and I needed to establish myself as a patient there. Fortunately for us, they can do a phone consult so we have a phone consult set up for December 14 so we can get more information and find out what we have to do if we decide to do the transfer there. I don't think insurance will pay for that, but we are checking that out.

I was also fortunate to talk to Megan who is pregnant with her son through embryo donation. I gotta tell ya, talking to her made me feel soooo much better. She's also from MI and, although her clinic is different from Kami's, it sounds like MI state laws are pretty good and it seems actually a lot easier than my clinic. I do know clinics vary so it could be different at Kami's clinic, but it was awesome to talk to someone who was from the same state and having gone through the same thing. So, thank you Megan!!!

I do feel better now and more hopeful. I will feel a lot better after our phone consult, but knowing that there are options makes me feel better and knowing that we can probably work around this extra $4000 makes me feel better.

Right now we're leaning towards doing the transfer in MI. We were planning on going to MI anyway to meet Kami, Steve and their girls so this would work. We mostly wanted the transfer in a comfortable setting with our own doctor and be able to rest in our own home....but we can get around it. And traveling is soooo tough on Mark which is why we wanted to avoid that as much as possible, but it's okay. Plus, my sweet mom has offered to come with us to the transfer to help out. Then I won't worry so much about Mark and she can help keep me stress-free which will really be nice. I feel bad as she works part-time. It really means a lot to me that she can go with though. It really does. I told you I have the BEST mom!

I'm really not sure how this would work out with work which is a big concern for me. But, like I said before, a FET is much easier to schedule and work around than an IVF cycle so we can plan it out more, so I'm hoping I'll get enough advanced notice so work will be easier to get off.

And Mark has been absolutely wonderful the last couple days. He let me be mad Wednesday night and let me scream and gave me hugs at the right time. Yesterday, while I was working and calling clinics and stuff, he did the laundry, the dishes, started the potatoes for supper and took care of Peyton while I was talking to Megan. Some people are probably thinking "well, duh, a husband should do that while you're doing all that". But with Mark and his health issues, it's so tough on him to do stuff and he gets so tired out. Even just carrying the laundry basket up the stairs, he gets so winded to the point that he has to stop for a few minutes to catch his breath. It's really hard on him. So, when he does this stuff for me, I know he's giving 200%. He really is the best husband and he's going to be the best daddy. He already is the best uncle. :)

Okay, so I know this got long. I'm sorry! Thanks for reading this to the end if you did! You deserve a cookie. :)

I know I'm behind on blogs and I plan to catch up and comment on them! You're not forgotten! Thank you again for all your support and prayers. We sure appreciate them and would appreciate more as our consult comes up.

((((HUGS))))

Our FET consult

Dear Three Musketeers,

Today was our first step in bringing you home! We’ve been looking forward to this appointment for quite awhile. Your daddy couldn’t stop talking about it a couple days ago. I was a little worried about him this morning, though. He didn’t get any sleep because he had some nerve pain and wasn’t feeling good all night. He probably got just a couple hours of sleep…I think he’s practicing for when you guys come. :)Anyway, I told him he could stay home but I knew he wouldn’t and I was right. He said nothing would keep him away. He loves you guys so much.

Everything went so well. I was going to take a picture of your daddy before we went into the clinic, but he seemed kind of tired and a little crabby so I decided not to. I thought if I put the camera in his face, he might throw it on the ground and I kind of want to keep it so I decided against the picture (probably a wise decision).

So, we got in there and discussed our plans. Dr. Malo thought a February transfer would probably work out! We were very happy. He needs to have some records from Kami’s office to see how you guys were frozen and the protocol her clinic used to see how we proceed with our transfer. Then, we, Kami and Steve have to meet with the same psychologist we’ve had to meet with twice now and who we really don’t care for. Here we thought we were all done with her but I guess we were wrong. But, we’d do anything for you guys so it’s a small price to pay! Once we see her and we get the records and the protocol, it sounds like things will get going! We can’t wait to meet you guys!

Dr. Malo said he was very “optimistic”. Do you know what that means? It means he’s pretty hopeful this could work! He said that twice which makes us so happy. He said it sounds like we have 3 very good embryos. We looked at each other and nodded. We know how special you guys are and no one has to tell us how good you are.

He said how special of a gift this is and we couldn’t agree more. He said Kami and Steve must be pretty special people. Of course they are! You guys are so lucky! You have a genetic mommy, genetic daddy, biological mommy and a birth father who love you so much! Not too many people have 2 daddies and 2 mommies who love them that much.

We did have one funny thing happen while we were there. Daddy thought it was so funny. I asked Dr. Malo if he could call in some medication for me as we had hit our deductible for the year and I wanted to get the medication now instead of later. Dr. Malo said he couldn’t do that and said it would be insurance fraud. Then he left the office. I looked at your daddy and I told him he was probably going to have me arrested for trying to commit fraud and that the police were going to come and get me. Daddy laughed and said I worry too much. Dr. Malo did come back and I apologized for asking him that. He laughed and said I was only the 4000th patient who has asked him that so it wasn’t a big deal. Daddy thought it was kind of funny, though.

And we had no frozen puke this time! (to read the story on that, click here).

We also did talk a little bit about the transfer, but not a lot as he needs more information. He gave us a little booklet about transfers. It also sounds like he will be very supportive about what we want to do and how many of you guys we want to transfer which is a big relief to your daddy and I. That was very important to us.

We are so anxious to meet you guys! We can’t believe it’s starting to come together!

We love you guys so much and we have so much to be thankful for.

Love,

Mommy

Thanksgiving and only 2 days!!

Only TWO days until our FET consult!!

Two. flipping. days.

It sounds like I just realized that. And, indeed, I did.

Mark asked when our appointment was and I told him December 1.

Which is like Tuesday.

Like Two. days. away.

Holy cow. Didn't realize that.

It's moving so quickly! Exciting, anxious, scared, nervous, you name it, I'm feeling it.

Mostly excited, though. :)

Okay, so onto Thanksgiving. We had a good day. We ate at my mom and dad's house and then came home and rested a little bit. Then, Chad came over for a couple hours along with my parents and brother and we watched Survivor.

Nothing too exciting, but it was so much fun with the family and not being in the hospital!!! Last year (2008) we spent Christmas in the hospital and in 2007, we spent both Thanksgiving and Christmas in the hospital so we are so grateful we weren't in the hospital.

And of course, we have a few pictures :)

Here is Mark, Tyler and Peyton cutting out pumpkin placements for everyone:


Here is Mark looking at me and saying "Don't take a picture":


Here is Tyler cutting out the placement. He was trying to smile to the camera and cut at the same time:


Here is my brother and dad carving the turkey:


Here is Mark claiming to be playing with the kids (I think he was just playing by himself and liking the toys):


Although Peyton did join him after a little while:


And special thanks to Chelle and Michele for their help with my computer question. I'm thinking my computer isn't equipped with a DVD burner so I'm going to try another computer. Thank you so much!!

An interesting article about donated eggs/embryos

Lately I've been racking my brain (I know, scary) and I've been trying to figure out how to explain this all to our child. I know, jumping the gun a little. I mean, that's quite aways away. But, I find myself a little confused as to how to explain it to others myself when people ask. People that I explain it to seem confused and I guess I can't really blame them.

So, how do I define Mark and I in the "parenting role" and how do I define Kami and Steve? We will always be completely honest with our child/children and we will always want them to know how they came about and the wonderful role Kami and Steve had.

Then I came across this article and found my answer. I am the biological mother, Mark is the birth father and Kami and Steve are the genetic mother and father.

I wanted to share this with you in hopes that it will help someone else:

Freedom Pharmacy published this great booklet about egg donation -- here an excerpt:

“Perhaps the greatest myth surrounds pregnancy. Many believe the uterus is simply an incubator. Nothing could be further from the truth. The most important aspect of all pregnancies- including egg donation pregnancies- is that as the fetus grows, every cell in the developing body is built out of the pregnant mother’s body. Tissue from her uterine lining will contribute to the formation of the placenta, which will link her and her child. The fetus will use her body’s protein, then she will replace it. The fetus uses her sugars, calcium, nitrates, and fluids, and she will replace them. So, if you think of your dream child as your dream house, the genes provide merely a basic blueprint, the biological mother takes care of all the materials and construction, from the foundation right on up to the light fixtures. So, although her husband’s aunt Sara or the donor’s grandfather may have genetically programmed the shape of the new baby’s earlobe, the earlobe itself is the pregnant woman’s “flesh and blood.” That means the earlobe, along with the baby herself, grew from the recipient’s body. That is why she is the child’s biological mother. That is why this child is her biological child.”

I also found some other interesting points in this article:

•A study in New Scientist suggests that sense of humor is a learned trait, influenced by family and cultural environment, and not genetically determined. (This isn't so good. With our sense of humor, this most definitely would've been better genetically determined....right, Mom? :))

In a donor egg pregnancy, the pregnant woman’s womb is the environment.It is her genes, not the donor’s, that determine the expression of thedonor-egg baby’s genes.

A donor egg baby gets her genes from the donor; she gets the‘instructions’ on the expression of those genes from the woman who carries her to term.

The child who is born would have been a physically & no doubt emotionally different person if carried by his genetic mother.

In horse breeding for example, it’s not uncommon to implant a pony embryo into the womb of a horse.
The foals that result, are different from normal ponies.They’re bigger. These animals’ genotype – their genes – are the same as a pony’s, but their phenotype – what their genes actually look like in the living animal – is different.

Our first step....

As most of you know, Kami is now 25 weeks and will have her sweet twin girls arriving in 5-10 weeks! We're hoping and praying she makes it to 10 weeks to protect her girls a little longer. Please keep them in your thoughts and prayers!!!

Knowing that we were getting close, Mark and I have made our first step and scheduled the FET consult with our doctor! The appointment is scheduled for December 1!! Ironically that is our "second anniversary" date. We were originally going to get married on December 1 and moved it up to May 5, but we still celebrate on December 1. :)

And holy moly that is like a MONTH away! One. itty. bitty. month.

Can you believe this is happening? :)

I do have one question for those who have undergone a FET. We have 3 perfect (4AA) embryos and for our FET, we want to transfer 2 for reasons that I won't go into, but it's extremely important to us to thaw 2 and transfer 2.

For those who have undergone a FET, does the doctor let you decide how many you want to transfer? I'm afraid my doctor will recommend thawing out 3 and transferring the best or all and we're not comfortable with that. Will we have a say? What has other people's experiences been?

I've gotta say, my doctor has been very supportive and has always said he will support me in any decisions I make, but I don't know how he will react to this.

And I want to add, to Kami and Steve, this is all happening because of a precious gift you have chosen to give and we love you so much!! (((HUGS)))