Hannah's going to school

I promised God I would post about this as it shows once again that His timing is perfect. However, I admittedly have put it off as it's a hard reality to face that my little girl is growing up. :(

But after seeing the pictures of her at the dentist and talking about adult teeth, I might as well dive head first into this reality that Hannah is no longer a baby.

Man, that's hard to type.

Last fall, I was in desperate need of a sitter for Hannah after the summer. I found who appeared to be the perfect fit a couple weeks before school started and we were both thrilled to have found each other.

After about a month, she had some serious health issues suddenly. She told me it could be about a month before she could come back. I loved her so much that I wanted to just make it through until she could come back. So I desperately asked my neighbor who had 3 kids of her own if she could help out just for a month.

Yeah, probably about as cruel as I could get, right? Adding another kid onto an already full plate. But I was desperate and it was only for a month, right?

Wrong. :(

A month turned into two which turned into three and I finally decided I just couldn't wait. My neighbor was so sweet and kept taking Hannah whenever she could and I was so grateful but I knew it was a lot to ask so I needed to find a more permanent situation.

I called 3 different daycares and none of them had openings--not one. I was put on a wait list but it wasn't looking promising.

At this point, it was getting into February. I knew Hannah's regular babysitters would be available once school got out but that was still a few months away. Of course because my neighbor is absolutely THE BEST, she insisted on helping out and insisted it wasn't a problem. She's either the biggest liar or the biggest sweetheart ever....or both.

A couple months passed. Every day I prayed to God for a solution. While I knew I was pretty covered during the summer, I knew I had to definitely find something in the fall. My neighbor had just accepted a position at a Christian school as a kindergarten teacher so I knew even my neighbor wouldn't be an option. But it was a toss-up even with the daycares whether there would be an opening in the fall.

I felt like God just wasn't answering.

But then about in April, my neighbor was talking about her teaching and how her oldest daughter was going to kindergarten (which I knew) but then she started talking about her son (who is a few months older than Hannah) going to pre-K and I was immediately interested---ok, more desperate---to get more information.

It turns out the very kindergarten program she was teaching was also going to be allowing just a few pre-K students although it wasn't completely official yet. I asked to be updated as I was very interested in it.

Well as time went on, it became more official and we were able to fill out an application and were accepted! They already knew Hannah as my neighbor had already been teaching a little at this school and had brought Hannah along with her kids a few times when she taught. They were very excited to have Hannah as part of the program.

I was very thrilled also. After all, Hannah already knew the teacher. She already knew a couple kids in the class (the neighbor's kids). She already knew the school (in fact she had already given Mark and I a tour). This would be in an environment where she would not only learn academics but would also learn about Jesus (score big time!). We would also have our "daycare" issue covered.

All this time when I was praying so hard for God to give me an answer, he was simply telling me to wait and he had something even better in store for me.

Had I not bothered kindly asked my amazing neighbor for her help I never would've found out about this program. While I was stressing out to find a daycare, God was working it out for Hannah to be in an amazing group where I knew she was already comfortable, knew the teacher and kids and would be extremely well taken care of.

God answered my prayer in such an amazing way.

When we met with the school board, they said they were very excited to have Hannah in school and they weren't worried about how she would adapt at all.

I immediately said "Oh, I'm not worried about Hannah at all. I'm worried about ME!"

Yep, it's a hard pill to swallow. My baby starts school in a month.

My baby starts school.

I know, we've all been there, all done it. And I bet you've all been emotional over it. :)

It's a good thing and obviously had God's hands all over it and I feel so blessed. I know Hannah's super excited about going to school with a backpack (backpack? gulp) and her lunch (lunch? double gulp).

And I know when she comes home from school with the biggest grin on her face, so proud of the project she made and telling me about her new friends and everything she learned....

I will be the happiest, most proud mom ever.

Hannah's trip to the dentist

Hannah's very first trip to the dentist was back in January. However, that didn't go so well. She started crying and needed to lay on me in order to let anyone look in her mouth.

So I didn't get any pictures back then.

I was pretty nervous as to how it would go when we went back this summer. I was very pleasantly surprised. Not only did she do very well with no tears at all, the dental hygienist also said she was the most well-behaved 3-year-old she has ever had.

Amazing, considering we have a serious battle every day trying to brush her teeth.

The little stinker....

But I was so proud of her. She did amazingly well. She was so excited to be a little helper and hold the "spit sucker" as they called it. They took x-rays which was very interesting to see as you can see the adult teeth on top of her baby teeth. Yes, I admit, that was a bit of a shocker to me. Hannah with adult teeth? It was enough to bring tears to my eyes.

I know...I'm quite the softie.

The main thing is Hannah is doing great. Her teeth are wonderful, developing well and she has no issues. Love hearing that. :)

And relieved that this visit was so much better than the first.

The wisdom of a child

For those who follow me on Facebook and/or Caring Bridge, you know Mark has had a rough few days. He's had a lot of severe nerve pain on top of dealing with an illness of some sort.

Nights are the worst for him and he's been screaming in pain. Some nights Hannah can sleep through it but sometimes she's awakened by it and wants to snuggle with me. I know it bothers her to hear her daddy screaming so badly in pain.

After hearing Mark scream one night she looked at me with scared eyes. I asked her if we should pray to Jesus for Daddy and she immediately nodded. Together we prayed Jesus would help take Daddy's pain away.

When we were done praying I asked Hannah if she thought Jesus would help Daddy.

She said "Yes, Jesus will help Daddy because Jesus lets us poop!"

It may sound like an odd statement---Okay, so it is. But, Hannah has had times where she has had trouble in that area and occasionally after she has had success in that area, we pray to God thanking Him for letting us poop as she feels much better after being able to do it.

I hope no more explanation is needed....

Anyway, I got a little chuckle from her explanation why she just knew Jesus would help Daddy. But it also made me really think.

In Hannah's mind, the littlest things are so huge. Like the fact that Jesus lets us poop. It's an amazing thing He does and she is so grateful. It does come up occasionally and at the most odd times. One time while praying she said "Thank you God for loving us, for sending Your son and for letting us poop! Amen!".

Ummm, Amen?

To Hannah, something huge like loving us is just as important as pooping.

To Hannah, the fact that Jesus lets us poop is just as big as giving Daddy relief.

To Hannah, Jesus can simply do anything. Anything at all.

And the truth is, He can.

I love Hannah's true innocent way of looking at life and she is constantly teaching me so much without me even realizing it.

God can and does do so much.

He lets my heart beat and gives me air to breathe.
He lets the sun shine.
He provides food and shelter for us.
He provides a bed for us to sleep in.
He provides the rain which helps our lawn to grow.
He provides the lawn mower which cuts the lawn that grows so beautifully and I have to cut all the time (yes, I had to psych myself up to write that).
He provides the car we have to easily get to places.
He provides medications to help Mark feel better and wonderful doctors to help him.

He provides everything.

The littlest things, the biggest things, the most miraculous things.

Nothing is impossible with God. Everything from getting relief from severe nerve pain to pooping.

Pictures from Gotcha Day

For the past 3 years & every year from now on, I take off work on Gotcha Day. To us it's such a special day & I never want to spend it working--only with my family. 

We've already started traditions 

First we go to Uncle Donuts & get donuts: 

Then we go to a park nearby called Teddy Bear Park. It's a kid friendly park & Hannah has an absolute blast:

We found a number 3 (how old she is) & planning to take her picture by her number each year. 

Then Hannah gets to pick where we go for lunch. Of course she picks McDonalds. :):

After that we went back home and rested for a little bit. Then we got dressed up & went out to eat at a nice restaurant:

Hannah and her daddy:

It was such an amazing day. We are so blessed to have Hannah as our daughter & so grateful for a day we can celebrate legally becoming a family 

Gotcha Day 2015

My sweet Hannah,

It was 3 years ago today that the courts legally declared you our daughter. What God knew from the moment He created the Earth, what we knew the minute we got the email saying we matched, the courts legally declared 3 years ago today---that you are our precious daughter.

What a glorious day it was.

Every year on this special day I want to write you a letter and express whatever is on my heart. I know God will provide the words He wants you to hear.

By the time you read this, you will know your story. It'll probably become so natural to you that every time I talk about it, you'll roll your eyes and think "not again!". But I also know your heart will be beaming with pride at the very miracle and faith that your presence in this world shines so very brightly.

In the adoption world, we often talk about being chosen. We are giving many different situations and we get to choose which ones we want to submit our profile to you.

As you know, sweetheart, your situation was a bit different and yet shows how much God chose you to be our daughter.

While we had originally chosen your particular birth mother and situation, we had to regrettably decide not to submit our profile due to costs beyond our financial means---and that's when it gets really good. Just because we thought we'd have to say no, God clearly showed us you were our chosen daughter and it is only by His grace and works that you were able to come home. Hannah, there is absolutely no doubt you were chosen by God to be raised by your dad and I. You, my dear, were the chosen one by our Heavenly Father. It's enough to give me goosebumps.

I prayed to God for a daughter who looked like her daddy. God chose you.
I prayed to God for a healthy, caring, courageous, smart daughter. God chose you.
I prayed to God for a daughter who would make me be a better person. God chose you.
I prayed to God for a daughter who would impact the world. God chose you.

There is no doubt in my mind you were specifically created and chosen for your daddy and I.

I've watched your caring, gentle ways and how you approach life and I couldn't be more proud. You choose to be kind. You choose to make people feel loved all the time. You choose to hug and comfort those hurting. You choose to try to make things better.

You've chosen wonderful people to be special aunts and people in your life. In a sense, you've also chosen your family, just like we chose you and God chose you. I couldn't be more proud of the choices you've already made in your life. I hope and pray you continue to make the right and best choices for you--choices that God would also make for your life.

Always remember how much you are loved and how you were specifically chosen to be in our family. No one else could be the child we've longed to have like you. No one else could fit in our family as well as you.

We chose you but more importantly God chose you.

As we celebrate 3 years of being a family, I want to tell you as I always do that I am so proud to be your mom. I love you more than I ever thought I could. I'm so grateful to God for choosing me to be your mom. I'm grateful for the ability of choices, for without that ability, we may not have found each other.

I love you my dear Hannah.

Happy Gotcha Day!

Love,

Mommy

Today's current events

Disclaimer: Any negative comments will be immediately deleted. My blog is mostly written for Hannah's sake and I want her to know her mom's honest feelings and thoughts about anything that comes to my mind, including current world events. I want this to be part of my legacy for her, so again, any negative comments will be deleted. I want this to be focused on her and me. My blog, my thoughts, my gift to Hannah. If you don't agree, please don't comment or don't read. Thank you! :)

Unless you've been living under a rock the last week or so, you know exactly what's been going on in the world.

The Supreme Court ruled that all 50 states must legalize gay marriage.

Obviously there are many sides to this and of course everyone blew up on both sides.

I don't believe in homosexuality. I don't believe in gay marriage. I believe it is a sin.

However, I do believe we need to love one another and not judge. I know quite a few gay people--in fact, some even in my own family. While I don't agree with the lifestyle, I certainly still love them, just as Christ loves them. I believe Christ is our ultimate judge and we are not called to judge. Everyone sins and no sin is "bigger" than the other. The fact that I drove 63 in a 55 mph zone (don't tell anyone!) is as big of a sin as the husband who killed his wife. We are all sinners.

Therefore, while I didn't agree with the decision, I certainly was accepting of it and remained loving, nonjudgmental and caring to others. And, yes, I do believe you can disagree with someone whether it be their lifestyle, actions, words, etc., still love them and not be judgmental.

What DID bother me ALOT was seeing all the "rainbows" in support of "Celebrating Pride". The reason wasn't so much the support was what the rainbow represents.

For those who don't know, the rainbow was created by God in the Old Testament after He flooded the Earth as a promise that He would never flood the Earth again. The rainbow was created by God, not man. The fact that this promise was used as a symbol of something that clearly states in the Bible wrong as "okay" was what bothered me.

Yes, I know the rainbow is part of the LGBT flag (which honestly I had no idea until all this came about--I just am not knowledgeable at all in that area). But, again, using a rainbow to represent something God clearly disagrees with bothers me a lot.

Especially hearing the White House was lit up in rainbow colors. I felt that was extremely disrespectful of leadership.

Again I'm not judging as that is God's job. We have all been instructed to love one another as Christ loved us. I feel I try my best not to do that.

However, using a symbol for something that clearly God is against that God created as a sign of His promise---that's where it gets disturbing to me.

While I wasn't obviously happy about the Supreme Court decision, I also know God's word saying thou shall not judge and love one another as Christ has loved us. Therefore, I can accept its decision. But, using the rainbow as a symbol like it was used is where I truly feel it was over the line.