Holy Moly!

We found out this afternoon that our transfer will probably be next week.

Do you realize that's like one week away?

That's 1 week, 7 days, 168 hours, 10,080 minutes.

You guys, I remember when we were months away from this and now this could be happening in a week!

Holy Moly!

The day started out kind of worrisome. During my ultrasound, the tech said a few times she thought my lining was too thick for us to keep going in my cycle. My lining was about 7. I was thinking 7 is too thick? It made no sense to me at all, but I had never done a FET before so I was leaning more on her advice and that made me nervous when she said she thought it might be too thick.

Then she goes over to my right ovary and immediately says "Oh, do you have a cyst there?". My heart sank. I know cysts are bad news during our cycles. Right away I'm asking her what could be going on. It was clear on Thursday, how could it change so fast? Then she realized that part of my bowel was twisted in an awkward way right next to my ovary, making it look like a cyst. She giggled a little and apologized for giving me a scare.

More like a flipping heart attack, lady.

Needless to say, I was extremely relieved when my Michigan clinic called telling me everything was looking great! Woohoo! They told me to increase my Estrace pills to 3 times a day. If anyone has been on that, I think you'll agree with me that that stuff is n-a-s-t-y. You have this wonderful (sarcasm) bluish discharge and it's disgusting. Not only that, but it has made me pretty hormonal and emotional....and I'm thinking you want me to increase that? Are you kidding me?

But I'd do anything for the babies. :)

Then the nurse told me that we'll be doing another ultrasound this Friday and that will be the last one in Minnesota. The next one will be in Michigan. I was surprised and asked her if we were still looking at a transfer the middle of April. She said things were looking so good that we were looking more at a transfer next week.

Here I couldn't believe it was two weeks away and now we're looking at one week away!

I can't believe it! I'm very excited that this moment has come. We won't know for sure what will happen until we have the ultrasound and labs on Friday and then we'll know for sure when the transfer will be.

I can't wait to meet our babies. I look at the pictures on Kami's blog of her precious girls and I realize if our babies are half as cute as Kami's girls, we will be blessed more than we ever could imagine. We are so lucky!

Favorites Friday

From 04-06-09:

When we first started TTC, I didn’t know what OPKs, HPTs, DPO, BFP, BFN, RE, etc. meant.
Now....that’s a part of my daily conversation.

When we first started TTC, I excitedly bought OPKs and HPTs.
Now....we just paid our last payment from the loan we took out for the tests. Okay, not really, but it sure seems like it.

When we first started TTC, egg whites were something we ate.
Now....Mark will never eat egg whites again.

When we first started TTC, I peed in a toilet and flushed it.
Now....I’ve peed in cups and baggies and saved pee and I’ve done this in gas stations, restaurants, doctor’s offices, sporting events, porta potties and, if I’m lucky, at home.

When we first started TTC, I didn’t know what a basal thermometer was.
Now....we have 3 of them (from when I bought new ones thinking the old one just had to be broken because the temperature just had to go up as I know I ovulated…come on, admit it, you know you’ve done it :)). When I’m sick, the basal thermometer is the only one I can find and I won’t have a fever, but I think to myself that’s a post-O temp…at least I know I ovulated.

When we first started TTC, we were adamant that it would be “our” baby, Mark’s sperm, my eggs.
Now....we’d take a baby the mailman gave us and it’s tempting to go into high schools finding pregnant girls and running up to them begging them for their baby.

When we first started TTC, I excitedly walked through the baby section of stores, dreaming, wanting and sometimes purchasing.
Now....I will purposely walk to the other end of the store and around, way out of the way, just to avoid the baby section.

When we first started TTC, I loved going to baby showers, dreaming about how exciting it was going to be when mine came along.
Now....I have a crying fest when I get an invitation in the mail and I just can’t go to any anymore.

When we first started TTC, doctors were just a part of Mark’s life and his routine.
Now....they are more a part of my life and my routine and most have become like family to us.

When we first started TTC, hearing about my sister’s pregnancy stirred up more feelings of jealousy rather than excitement.
Now....I love and cherish Tyler and Peyton more than I ever thought I could. I am so blessed and I don’t think I would cherish and love them as much as I do if we hadn’t gone through what we have. I’ve gotten to watch Mark’s love grow with Tyler and Peyton and see his smiles and eyes glowing just talking about them and see how much they mean to him.

When we first started TTC, I had mostly just family and close friends’ phone numbers in my cell phone.
Now....I have 19 additional new numbers and some I talk to or e-mail more than I do some of my family.

When we first started TTC, Hawaii was a dream vacation for us that deep in my heart, thought it would always be a dream and not a reality.
Now....we have not only been to Hawaii, but we have also been to Texas which is another place we’ve always wanted to go and have met three very sweet blogger friends whom I cherish so much.

When we first started TTC, I mostly cried when I was sad or scared and mostly cried for myself.
Now....I cry all the time, when I’m sad, happy, scared, mad or excited and usually it’s not only for me, but for people I’ve met online and never met in real life but feel closer to some of my friends I’ve known all my life.


Like one of my favorite country singers says: “I could have missed the pain, but I’d of had to miss the dance” and “Some of God’s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers”.

Giveaway winner!!

Peyton picked the winner out! She had a blast doing it, although she was sooooo disappointed she couldn't pick out more winners. :( She had a hard time dealing with the fact that there could only be one winner. :(

The winner is....


MELODY!!!


Congrats Melody!! Please contact me via e-mail (or leave a comment) and I'll get it out to you!

Ultrasound update

Dear Peanut, Hazelnut and Lugnut,

Today was our second ultrasound and blood work. It was bright and early in the morning again. I was a little worried about Daddy as he had been up all night with some really bad nerve pain in his legs, but he toughed it out and went with, which I knew he would. He's such a good daddy. He got a little sick on the way home, too, after drinking some pop. But, after we got home and he got to rest, he was feeling better which was a relief to me.

Grandma came with too. That's right, she braved Mommy's driving and came with. She must love you guys a-l-o-t.

The ultrasound was good! My lining is at 5 and both ovaries were quiet. I was also told my labs were great, so everything is on track. Looks like your home is going to be pretty cozy. I'm trying my best to make it as comfortable as I can for you guys!

We were there for about 15 minutes and drove back home. Hardly seems worth it, doesn't it? But any time we get to do anything for you guys, it's worth it.

I had just a little scare when I started spotting this afternoon. But the nurse told me that it's perfectly normal at this point and it soon will be stopping. Thank goodness! I was scared, but was so happy to know it was okay.

I get to cut back on my Lupron starting tonight and add in estradiol in the morning and night. I'm so excited as this is another step to bringing you guys home!

I go back in for an ultrasound on Monday. I'm not sure why so soon, but I trust the doctors. I'm hoping others who have gone through a frozen transfer can help me figure out why I have to have another ultrasound so soon.

So, there you have it babies! Another appointment, another step closer to you and we couldn't be happier!

And of course, I'm sharing more pictures below.

We love you so much and can't wait to meet you!

Love

Mommy and Daddy


Mommy and Daddy before we left for the clinic (Daddy wasn't smiling too much as it was early in the morning and he had just woken up).


Mommy and Grandma before we left for the clinic (I know, we look nothing at all alike).


Daddy and Grandma at the clinic (Daddy woke up a little)


Mommy and Daddy at the clinic

Little update

Don't forget to comment on my giveaway post!! It's open until Thursday night and Peyton will pick the winner on Friday!!

I wanted to let you all know that Thursday is our ultrasound to find out how cozy our baby's/babies' home is! I'm superexcited!! I'll definitely let you know how things look!

I've been doing acupuncture once a week and massages every other week right now. I'm obviously loving it. :) Any excuse to relax is heaven.

And you know, Mark loves it, too, but for a different reason. I'm actually shaving my legs! Yes, I'm one of those who during the winter/pants season, I have a tough time shaving my legs on a regular basis. It's something Mark is trying to change in me, but so far it's not happening.

But, right now he's getting some serious shaved legs and he is l-o-v-i-n-g it!

Welcome ICLW!!

To those visiting from ICLW, WELCOME!!! I hope you find my journey interesting and inspiring and choose to stay and follow! I welcome all new followers and support and love to find new blogs, too!

Here is a very short version of my journey so far:

1. Tried 3 years naturally--nope
2. Tried 12 IUIs--nada
3. Tried IVF--zip (and through IVF found out I have an egg quality issue and donor eggs/embryos was the way to go.)
4. Attempted to do a known egg donor IVF--didn't work out but in the process met 2 wonderful friends who mean the world to me
5. Attempted known adoption--didn't work out, although we are very involved with the child's life and loving it
6. Attempted donor egg study--didn't work out

Now we have received an amazing, precious gift of 3 perfect embryos and are undergoing a FET! We will be having a transfer the middle of April! We are so hopeful and excited and EXTREMELY grateful for this opportunity.

In addition to our infertility struggles, my husband also has diabetes, has had 3 heart attacks, heart bypass surgery, a kidney transplant and has stomach issues because of his diabetes and spends time in the hospital too much because of it.

Through it all, God gets us through it. And He has provided us with the most wonderful, supportive family and friends we could ever ask for. We are so blessed. We are so lucky to have each other and each day our marriage gets stronger and stronger.

Our life couldn't be better.

Thank you for stopping by!!

Eight years ago today....

8 years ago today, Mark had his kidney transplant. It's amazing to me that it has been that long and Mark has done so well. He has never had a rejection episode which is a miracle in itself. There isn't a day that goes by that I'm not grateful that we didn't end up in the ER that day from fluid overload, that I don't have to drive him for a 3-hour dialysis run every other day, that he can sleep in his own bed and not have to sleep in a recliner because of fluid overload.

Every year on this day I'm reminded about the miracle Mark went through, but every day I think about it and am reminded that God has been so good to us. It truly is a miracle.

In honor of this day, I'm going to post something I wrote shortly after Mark's transplant. It's been published in a few of our local papers and also our church newsletter. I've touched a lot of people with this. I know I've posted it before but I'd like to share it again. Here it is:

LOVE SIGNS

Ever since we started dating, Mark and I have always had a special love and bond. We are always together and so much in love. Maybe it is his sickness that has brought us so close together.

Mark has been fighting diabetes for over 40 years. In 2000, he started showing signs of kidney failure due to his illness. Two months before we got married in May 2001, he was forced to start dialysis. Every other day was spent driving him up to the dialysis center. I was fortunate that I worked across the street from our house and was a couple blocks away from the dialysis center. I could always drive him there and pick him up. The hardest part about it was dropping him off and leaving him, knowing I wouldn't be talking to him for at least four hours. Having my uncle die in 1988 on the dialysis machine made it even harder to leave him.

Mark has always been a very quiet, shy guy. Although he's always been very romantic and has always treated me like a queen, he's never been one to show a lot of emotion in public or around other people. I, on the other hand, love to show emotion at all times. I've always been one to say "I love you" when I'm leaving Mark for even a minute. Even just going to the bathroom or to another room, I'm always giving Mark a big kiss and telling him how much I love him.

Well, you can imagine how much it bothered me leaving Mark at dialysis without being able to say "I love you" or showering him with kisses. It would have been too much for Mark. So, to make us both happy, we made up our own "I love you" hand signal. It was a hand signal that only the two of us knew and a way that both of us could be satisfied. I could leave knowing the last words I "said" to him were "I love you" and Mark didn't have to say it in public. It was a perfect set-up.

This went on for almost a year until his kidney transplant. I would drive him up to dialysis every other day and every time I left him, we would give each other the hand signal.

In March 2002, Mark had his kidney transplant. Because of his weak heart and other issues, it was a longer surgery than expected. And after the surgery, Mark was sent to ICU with a breathing tube down his throat. He wasn't able to talk at all. I could tell Mark was very frustrated with the whole situation. He would consistently try to move and get comfortable. I knew he was very upset about having the tube in and it broke my heart to see him go through it.

I thought he was mad at me. The nurses would talk to him and he would nod or shake his head. When I tried talking, I would hardly get any movement. I knew he hated having that tube in and was very frustrated about his whole situation. I was so depressed and sad because I didn't want him hurting like that. I spent the first couple hours after the surgery crying because of everything Mark had to go through. I prayed to God to show me some sign that he was okay and he understood what was going on.

I kept going in every ten minutes--as much as they would allow me to. Nothing was changing. I could still tell that he was so frustrated and uncomfortable. It was heart breaking.

Visiting hours were over at nine, so my mom and I went in to say good night to Mark. He was still having problems getting comfortable and was still incredibly frustrated. I held his hand and explained to him that I had to leave for the night, but would be asleep in the waiting room and would come back during the night to check on him. He slowly nodded and I began to cry as I softly kissed his hand.

I was still crying as I turned around to leave. My mom stopped me and turned me around to Mark. His hand was lifting off the bed and ever so slowly formed our "I love you" sign. I ran back to Mark's bed and grabbed his hand said "Oh, honey, I love you, too. Do you know that?" He squeezed my hand and nodded. It was then that I knew Mark was okay and everything was going to be fine. God had sent the sign I had asked for and needed to see so desperately.


Mark sees Scott (his donor) for the first time after the surgery

Favorites Friday

I've decided to start something new. Every Friday, I'm going to repost some of my favorite posts, posts that I love to read over and over.

So here is one of my favorite posts posted back on May 23, 2008:

And this week I've been going through the "Why me?"'s again. You know the drill. Why do I have to go through this? Why do we have to go through infertility when we've already been through so much with Mark's health? Why do we have to suffer so much?

Then I started realizing....why not me? It clearly states in the Bible that we will all suffer. Everybody will..there's no doubt about it. But everyone's suffering is different and God only gives you what you can handle. My "suffering" has caused me to be stronger as a person, wife, daughter, sister, stepmother, friend, etc. I feel I'm more sympathetic and more understanding and not as self-centered as I used to be. I've often said if I can help one person while going through the transplant and/or infertility, then it's worth it to me....and I feel I have done that. I've also learned through this to appreciate my husband more...to appreciate every hug and to cherish every kiss, the feeling that every time he puts his arms around me and we just "fit" and to know my husband's body and every curve of it like I know my own. I know many couples love each other as much as we do....but I don't think they are lucky enough to appreciate it. We do. And it's because of what we've been through.

So, I'm lucky. I'm lucky God has chosen me and He thinks I'm strong enough to go through this. Some day I'll know the reasons why, but I think if I stop to think about it, I'm beginning to understand.

My life has definitely changed since meeting Mark in 1996 and when I look back at it all, I'm blessed. I have met AMAZING people through this infertility journey and friends that I wouldn't give up for the world. And through Mark's transplant journey, I've met a lot of inspiring people that make me realize there are good people in this world. I'll never forget the day of Mark's transplant when I was so nervous about him during surgery. I got into an elevator with a lady and I was really down and nervous. She couldn't stop smiling. She asked me how I was. I told her I was okay and asked her how she was. She said "I just had a double lung transplant. Life is great. God is great.". Then she got off the elevator and at that moment, I felt peace and love. I'll never forget that moment. How inspiring.

Giveaway!!!

I'm having a giveaway!!

I've ordered some jewelry from Jennifer and I absolutely love it!! I've gotten many compliments on the jewelry I've ordered. So, I wanted to host a giveaway for her. This is what I'll be giving away:



It's a bird's nest necklace. I have the matching earrings and I LOVE them! And Peyton loves them, too. :) You may recall that she is wondering when the eggs will hatch and there will be birds flying everywhere. We're still waiting for that. :)

Here's how you can enter:

1 chance for commenting on this post
1 chance for being a follower of my blog
1 chance for being a follower of Jennifer's blog
2 chances for posting this giveaway on your blog
10 chances for placing an order from Jennifer

And this is the month to place the order! She's having a sale where if you buy 2, you get 1 free! It's a steal. :)

Please let me know if you're a follower of either blog and if you place an order, please let Jennifer know about this giveaway and she will let me know.

I'm excited to be able to do this for Jennifer! She's trying to raise money for IVF. It's great that I can get good jewelry and help out a friend at the same time. :)

This giveaway goes until Thursday, March 25. Peyton will be drawing the winner on the 26th. She'll LOVE that. :) I'll tape it and post the video.

Good luck! Be sure to check out her blog!!

Our first Lupron shot

Dear Peanut, Hazelnut and Lugnut,

Yesterday was Mommy's first Lupron shot! I was so excited to finally start the shots, but Daddy wasn't. Daddy knew he would be giving me the shot and he didn't want to hurt me. I thought he would be more excited to give me shots. After all, I give him 6 insulin shots a day, so I thought he would be more excited about "payback", but he was so afraid of hurting me.

Daddy did very good giving me my shot. I had forgotten how much the Lupron burns, so I was a little surprised at first and was taken back which made Daddy feel even worse about hurting me. But, it was very short-lived and it was only a split second that it burned. And I would do it a million times for you guys.

Your grandma and Aunt Danielle were so excited about me starting the shots. Grandma wanted to have a "shot party" and invite everyone over. But we knew that we would be picking up Grandpa off the floor. He doesn't do well with shots or drawing blood. Daddy likes to tease Grandpa by talking about his insulin shots. Grandpa gets really dizzy and sick to his stomach. It's kind of funny.

And your aunt Danielle left a nice message on our voicemail saying she was excited we were starting the shots, but not excited we had to do shots. It was really sweet. Everyone knows how big of a thing it is to start the shots and it means so much to us that people are so excited for us.

I'm trying so hard to give you guys a good, safe home. I'm doing acupuncture and back adjustments once a week. I'm doing massages every couple weeks. I'm trying to stay as stress-free as possible. I talked to a nutritionist to get on all the appropriate vitamins and supplements to make you guys as healthy as I could. And Daddy has been right there supporting us every step of the way. We really want you guys to stay here with us and we're trying so hard to make it as comfortable, happy and healthy as we can.

We'll be seeing you guys in about a month and we can't wait! Until then, you are constantly in our thoughts and prayers and in our hearts. We love you so much!

Love, Mommy and Daddy

The moments that make you go awww!

First, I have to say, in about 24 hours Mark will be giving me my first Lupron shot!! I'm very excited!!

I had the day off Friday. Peyton spent the night Thursday night and we had her all day Friday. Draven came at about noon on Friday and she spent the night Friday night and her grandma picked her up at about noon on Saturday.

It was soooooo much fun! We had a blast. The house was waaaaaay too quiet Saturday afternoon, though.

I have to tell you what Peyton said. It was so cute. Friday morning she and I were watching a DVD of pictures of when she was just born. I pointed her out to her and she looked at me and said "Who are those strange people holding me?"

I explained to her that indeed that was her family.

Both Mark and I were laughing and I had to e-mail my family to let them know. Peyton asked me what I was doing and I told her I had to let her mommy and grandma about the joke she made. Peyton looked at me all serious and said "It wasn't a joke!".

We love you, too, Peyton!

It just makes you go "Awwwww!". It's one of those moments you'll never forget.

Here are some pictures from our day with Peyton and Draven:


Draven and Peyton


Draven and I


Peyton brushing Mark's hair


Peyton feeding Draven


Draven


Peyton


Peyton helping Mark with his pills. She is such an Uncle Mark girl.


Tyler, Peyton and Draven. It took a lot to get Tyler to take this picture.


Mark and Peyton


Peyton and her bears


Draven and I

And I want to present you with the next Ameri.can I.dol!!!:

Overwhelmed part 2

You guys are so sweet. :) Thank you!

I'm excited to tell you the second part of this story. It's really special to me.

Wednesday I went in for my annual physical, or like I like to call it my "grand opening". It took one time of Mark asking me what exactly I meant by that for Mark to realize that he will never again ask me to clarify anything.

Anyway, I've had my midwife do my physicals for years. She's done every single one of my IUIs and has been there through the 6-1/2 years we've struggled with infertility. I have her cell phone number and we've gotten to know each other real well, although admittedly I think she knows me better than I know her with her having done my physicals and IUIs. :)

So, Wednesday I'm having my physical, we're talking about her kids and we're talking a lot about the upcoming transfer in April. She is so very excited for us.

Then, towards the end of the appointment she looks at me and says "I did tell you I would be a surrogate for you, didn't I?"

I think the dumbfounded, deer in the headlights look gave it away that she indeed had not.

She went onto say that a couple years ago when I was doing IUIs, she had thought a lot about it. Her husband wasn't too keen about the idea. He was worried about their kids and how they would handle it (they have 3 kids) and he was worried about how she would feel. So, she hadn't actively pursued it because of her husband's feelings. But, she said watching us struggle as much as we had and knowing how much this meant to us and how we had known each other for years, it was something she really would like to do for us. And if it came down to it, we would definitely talk more about it.

The thing is, I know my midwife well enough to know that when she says something, she means it. You aren't getting anything "sugar coated" like some doctors do. That's one of the reasons I like her so much and have stayed with her for years. She'll tell me like it is.

So, when she told me that, I immediately started crying and she gave me a huge hug. It was so emotional. I couldn't stop crying. I've been offered by a few people to be a surrogate for us, including Mark's niece, which is soooo special to me. But, I question if those who have offered truly know what it is like, you know? What the emotions involved are and stuff like that. It's such a special gift, but a lot of emotions are involved.

The thing with my midwife is that I know she knows what she would be getting herself into. She's delivered probably half of the babies in the county (okay, that may be a little bit of an exaggeration, but she's delivered alot). She's dealt with so many situations.

And to know that she would do that for us just means so much to us. I hope it doesn't come down to that and hopefully there is nothing wrong with me as far as me being able to carry a baby. But, just to know she would do that for us is so special.

I wish there were more people in this world like her.

Overwhelmed

The past few weeks, we have been so overwhelmed with the amount of support, prayers and encouragement we have received from so many people. From family, my blog, from Facebook, from NW board, friends, etc. We have just been amazed at how much support we have gotten. These babies are so loved already and in so many ways we feel these babies belong to so many people who have supported and prayed for us.

This week Mark and I witnessed support in a couple amazing ways that has really touched our hearts.

I recently started a diabetic support group at our church. I wanted it to be open to everyone, not just diabetics, but to the family members of diabetics and anyone wanting information about the disease. So I sent out an e-mail to all of our family inviting them. I told them they were more than welcome to attend but if they couldn’t, we would appreciate prayer.

We knew my mom and dad would be there for sure. We knew my sister and her husband wouldn’t be able to be there. We invited my brother and his wife but they lived over 2 hours away and so we didn’t expect them but knew they would definitely be praying for us. We didn’t expect any of the Wondras. The Wondras are the type where if there is an emergency or a big need (such as Mark’s transplant), they all come together to help and being it’s a big group, that is HUGE! They put together a very successful benefit for Mark when he was struggling. But, in day-to-day struggles, the support isn’t as evident, although we know they love us and pray for us. So, knowing that, we didn’t expect any of them to be there at the support group.

The turnout for the support group was better than I expected. I was very pleased and I am hoping and praying that through a little more word of mouth and some articles in the paper, we will get more attendance.

Anyway (this is getting longer than I thought—sorry!), to much of our surprise at the support group, in walks my brother’s wife. She had driven over 2 hours to show support to Mark and I and to learn more. The minute she walked in, my heart melted. How amazing! My brother had stayed home to watch the kids so she could drive down to be there for us. She asked questions and talked and it was so nice to see her there. It really touched Mark’s heart especially and it really meant a lot to him.

It made us realize just how lucky we are to have the support, encouragement and prayers we do. We are so blessed to have the family we do.

To Chad and Ajay, if you’re reading this, we want to thank you for your support and prayers. I know thank you isn’t enough and I know we’ve already thanked you but we want you to know how much it means. We love you guys!

By the way, please keep Chad and Ajay in your prayers. I don’t want to say too much until it is official and legal, but hopefully not too long from now, I will be announcing some very exciting news for our family!

I also have another very HUGE support story I want to share, but this is already getting long and so I will be sharing in another post.

Our calendar!!

I've been meaning to post about this, but just haven't had the time lately. Between Mark and I, we've had quite a few appointments. But, I'm not complaining as most have been regarding bringing our little nuts home so I'll take it all for sure. :)

I've had quite a few people ask if we've gotten our calendar yet so I wanted to post about it. Thank you so much for your prayers and questions!! It means so much that you care!

Here is the calendar:

March 1: Start BCPs (birth control pills) and stay on until March 21.
March 15: Begin Lupron shots
March 25: Blood work and u/s. Begin Estrace.

From that u/s, we will see how it goes. They are predicting a transfer the middle of April.

I'm so giddy excited about starting the shots! I know....w-i-e-r-d, but I just can't wait!!! Less than a week! It'll go by really fast. :)

Thanks again for the support and prayers!! I know I'm behind on blogs and I always feel bad about that. I promise to get caught up soon!!!

Making Lemonade Out Of Lemons

I was given the Making Lemonade out of Lemons award from Jennifer . Thank you so much Jennifer! Jennifer is so sweet and so unbelievably supportive. Please check out her blog! You'll be glad you did! She is a very sweet friend!

This is a sweet award because it recognizes bloggers who display a positive attitude. This award is one of my favorites and means so much to me. I try my best to make the best out of the situations we're faced and when other people acknowledge it, it makes me feel so good. I know I always have work to do. :) But, I try to focus on the fact that God has a plan and his plans are always for the good of us.

Thank you again Jennifer for nominating me for this award! It truly means a lot!

Here is the award followed by the rules:




- Put the Lemonade logo on your blog or within your post.
- Nominate at least 10 blogs with great attitude or gratitude.
- Link the nominees within your post.
- Let the nominees know they have received this award by commenting on their blog.
- Share the love and link to the person from whom you received this award.

Okay, so I can't just pick 10....I know, cop out. :( I just seriously can't pick out just 10.

But I have to nominate 1 person for sure, Chelle. If you aren't a follower of her blog, you have to check it out. She was recently given some bad news that she may not be able to carry her second child due to a high risk of uterine rupture. Yet, Chelle's attitude about it amazes me. I find myself inspired by her. Thank you Chelle! Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers.

I think we all make lemonade out of lemons at some point because we are dealing with so much with infertility. If we didn't think positive, we wouldn't be fighting so hard and working so hard for our babies. :) So, I think everyone deserves this award.

I hope you're all having a wonderful weekend!

To all my followers....

One thing that is pretty much a given with all infertiles is that seeing babies and pregnant women is sometimes very hard. Sometimes hearing about someone else’s BFP is very hard. It’s just the way it is and I think we all can agree with that.

And I think we all understand that some days it’s just too hard to go to other pregnancy blogs and/or blogs with children.

Other people may perceive that as “selfish” or “wishing we could just be happy for someone”. But, from what I’ve learned from my many infertility books I’ve read is that when you’re dealing with infertility, you need to take care of yourself and your feelings. It’s not selfish and doesn’t mean you’re not happy for someone. It’s hard to explain to have someone completely understand. But what I’ve learned is that it’s okay to take care of yourself and think of your feelings and emotions as the struggle of infertility is hard enough on a person.

As most know, Mark and I are extremely limited in options of bringing our baby home. IVF is no longer an option for us. Adoption is not an option for us. IUIs are not an option for us. And I admit, I have my days where going to those blogs with that focus is just too hard. It’s not that I don’t care. It’s not that I don’t wish the best for that person. I just need to protect my emotions. On my strong days, I will go to those blogs and be the most supportive person I can be.

And what I’ve learned is that it’s okay.

I want you guys to know that if for any reason, it is too hard to follow my blog right now, it’s okay.

If you’re on a break and watching me being able to move forward is just too hard for you, it’s okay.

If you were going to undergo a transfer and it got canceled or something or didn’t work and watching me go through it is just too hard for you, it’s okay.

If you just got a BFN and watching me move forward in our journey is just too hard, it’s okay.

If for any reason the details of our FET are just too much for you to hear at this point and you just can’t hear it, it’s okay.

I’ve come to realize that I can’t make everybody happy as much as I would like to. But the last thing I want is my blog to be a source of someone’s pain. If it’s too much, I want you to know that it’s okay not to follow, whether it’s for a day, a week, months or whatever. I know it’s nothing personal and I want you to protect your feelings and emotions. Your support means so much to me and I know no matter what, you’re always there for me. Just the fact that you are reading this shows you care so much. Thank you.

I truly love you all and thank you from the bottom of my heart for being such a huge part of my life.

Kinda gives you chills....

On Monday, March 1, we received our contract in the mail officially declaring our little "nuts" ours.

Tuesday, March 2, was Mark's birthday and he said he got the best birthday present ever.

I found out this afternoon that our transfer will be the middle of April!! Woohoo!!!

You know when my birthday is?

April 18.

I think I'll be getting my best birthday present ever, too.

We are so blessed.

Ultrasound update

Dear Peanut, Hazelnut and Lugnut,

Monday was our first step in bringing you guys home! We got up very early in the morning to drive an hour to the clinic. I was a little worried about Daddy as he doesn't do well riding in the car in the mornings because of his tummy troubles. I had even told him that he didn't have to go with but he looked at me like I had corn growing out of my ears. I knew he wouldn't miss going for the world. So, he had something to eat and he was able to make it without getting sick!

When we got there, I was so excited. I was so happy we were finally doing something to bring you guys home! Everything went well at the clinic. We got to see the place where we're hoping you guys will be snuggled in for 9 months! When you get in there, please try to hold on as tight as you can, okay? From what we saw, it's a nice place in there and you'll like it. I promise to make it as comfortable for you as I can.

Daddy likes to come with and be there for us, but he doesn't think the clinic is the best place for men. He says they talk about cycles, but not Harley Davidson cycles which he would like to talk about. He also says they play hockey but there is no goalie. He's talking about the "hockey stick" procedure or the ultrasound they do. Some day I'll explain it to you but probably not for another 30 years. :) If you guys are girls, I don't think Daddy will ever want you to hear about it.

After we got our ultrasound and lab work done, we went home. Daddy was so tired that he fell asleep on the way home. He had had a very long weekend with the toy show we were at so I was glad he was able to rest. He rested when he got home, too, which was good. He loves us so much. No matter how tired he was, I knew he wouldn't give up going to the clinic and being there for us.

Yesterday I also started on the birth control pills. I know it sounds weird that I take birth control pills to try to bring you guys home. It is confusing. Some day I'll explain that to you, too.

We haven't received our calendar of our schedule. I was hoping to get it today but we didn't. So, I'll be calling the clinic to find that out. Your daddy and I need to know! We are so anxious and excited to meet you guys! I can't believe it'll be just a few short weeks when we'll see you! We've waited for so long and can't wait to see our precious babies.

We love you so much. So many people love you guys. I think you're the luckiest babies in the world. You have so many people pulling for you.

I have to show you some pictures from Monday. You can see how tired Daddy was.


Here is Daddy


Here is Eddie. I tried to get him to look at the camera but he wouldn't. I think he was still mad at us for leaving him during the weekend and knowing we were leaving again made him really mad at us.


Mommy and Daddy. Poor Daddy was so tired. Mommy didn't look so good either but it was early in the morning

We love you and can't wait to meet you,

Mommy and Daddy

It's Mark's birthday!!!

I will be updating later today on our FET, but right now I want to share that it is Mark's birthday!! Happy birthday sweetheart! I love you so!

I think last year's post said it best so I'm going to repost it today:

Everyone has those moments in life they will never forget. Moments like September 11, the Challenger explosion and, if you're old like my husband, the day Kennedy was shot.

I have quite a few moments with my husband that I will never forget. Like the day he proposed to me and said "I'm going out on a limb here and I have a feeling the limb is going to break". When he had his heart attack and was clutching his chest and holding my hand, looking at me and saying "I love you so much, Tammy", as if he wasn't sure he was going to make it. After his kidney transplant when he couldn't say anything because he had a tube down his throat and he gave me our "I love you" sign. When he was in the hospital and his heart numbers suddenly went high and he clutched his chest saying "I'm having the big one. Just kidding!" (I think both my mom and I were ready to smack him with that one. :)). After our wedding when my dad gave me a Butterfly Kisses book (that song was sung at our wedding), Mark had tears in his eyes and said "I want a daughter. I want butterfly kisses.".

There are so many moments. Moments I will never, ever forget. Just the other night, Mark apologized to me for putting me through so much. He told me "Just think. If you hadn't married me, you wouldn't have had all this pain." I looked at him and said "Yeah, you're right. I wouldn't have had all the pain, but you know what?". After quite a pause, Mark said "You would've missed the dance?". I nodded. He knows I wouldn't give up the "dance" for anything in this world.

When Mark and I became friends, I always knew he would be in my life forever. I knew he would be my best friend. I wanted him to be at my wedding. I wanted him to be at the hospital holding my first baby. I never wanted him out of my life. I was always afraid of becoming more than friends because I knew if we ever broke up, he wouldn't be in my life anymore and I couldn't imagine my life without him.

Mark hasn't had a real easy life. He was diagnosed with diabetes at 4 years old when his brother found him in a coma. He spent a lot of his childhood in the hospital and even had to repeat first grade because of all his hospitalizations. His parents were told Mark would be lucky to make it past his teenage years.

Diabetes has controlled a lot of his life and its complications have caused many surgeries and life-threatening conditions. He's a fighter and a hero to so many people.

But that isn't what Mark's life is about. When you ask Mark about his diabetes, he says he doesn't know life any other way. It's just his life. Mark's life is focused on who he is as a person: a husband, a dad, a brother, a son, an uncle, a car collector, an artist, a toy builder, a carpenter and a friend.

Mark has taught his family so much in his years. He has brought us all so much joy and laughter. He has taught us the good in life and to cherish each other and every moment we have.

Mark, I love you so much. Thank you for teaching us all what is so important in life. You are so special to so many people. We've been through a lot together but there isn't anyone I'd rather go through it with than you. Happy birthday sweetheart.

Thank you for the dance.