Not my life

I didn't plan on this.

I didn't want to have a sick husband. I wanted 4 kids. I never dreamed in a million years that we would struggle to have one.

I thought I'd be able to kiss my husband before we left for work every morning, call him at work, hear him talk about work issues, get mad at him because he stayed at the office late again. I didn't think I'd ever work from home, watching my husband be so sick he could barely walk up and down the stairs.

I could've thought of so many other ways my life could have gone.

I admit, on my bad days, when people ask me about it, I say things like "I know, it's not fair!", or "Man, I really wish it was different".

I would be lying if I didn't admit that.

But on my good days I tell people "You know, I wouldn't wish this on anybody. It's hard. It's definitely not the way I thought my life would be. But, I'm not living my life for me, I'm living it for God. If my life brings glory to Him, that's all that matters".

And it's true.

I admit I sometimes want the husband who feels good. I crave it. I think I need it.

I think about having more children. Every time Hannah begs for a little sister, a piece of my heart breaks.

But my life isn't about me. It's about bringing glory to God.

Growing up I was always incredibly shy. I seldom talked and only talked when I had to---which Mark finds incredibly hard to believe. When I was young, teachers were very concerned about me and recommended therapy. In high school, I was voted "Most Quietest". I was required to take Speech in college and I had to take anti-anxiety meds just to get through it.

That girl growing up would never have thought she would be sharing her life story and journey with people and how God has performed miracles in her life. I think that girl would've passed out from fear.

But that girl has grown. She has come to understand that her life is about God. It's God's journey. God has chosen ME to help bring glory to His name. He chose ME rather than anyone else.

Now that's pretty cool.

My life certainly hasn't gone the way I planned and I know there are some tough roads ahead.

But with God's help, I'm okay. This is the life God planned for me. He's got it all planned out already.

Yes, I admit I sometimes ask "Why me?". I think everyone does. But I also ask "Why Not Me?" and thank God for all the blessings He's given me.

And He chose ME above anyone else to bring Him glory and talk about Him through me and my life.

Now that's just pretty darn cool.

Week 38 of 4K--Last week!

She made it! A full year of 4K! I officially have a kindergartner!

Monday they had a special field trip to Fawn-Doe-Rosa. She loves Fawn-Doe-Rosa and I was very happy to be able to go with her.

She brought home her season book which they made throughout the year as different seasons came. You can see the difference in her signing her name as the year went on :)

And then came her last day:

In the afternoon we were invited for Quilting Day. Throughout the year the kids made "quilting squares" and at the end of the year we could make a quilt. Hannah wanted me there but also panicked because I don't know how to quilt. :) So we invited Grandma to come too. :)

Here is Hannah with her teachers whom we are so grateful for:

Mrs. Clark

Mrs. Hoff

We knew it would take a special teacher for Hannah and we prayed for the perfect fit. We sure got it in these two!

Hard to believe Hannah is officially a Kindergartner now! :) :(

Week 37 of 4K

This was the week of the famous "Kinder Camp".

Two FULL days of school to get ready for kindergarten.

I was not ready for it. :(

Hannah was though. She was a little scared and timid as we were driving in "Mommy, I'm a little scared, I----oh, there's Mrs Hoff!!"

The minute she saw her teacher she was just fine. :)

Here she is with her friend, Lyla, the first day of Kinder Camp. First saying bye to Daddy.

Then in front of the school.

She did wonderful! She loved it and especially loved the 3 recesses and being able to bring her own lunch.

I didn't think it would be as emotional as it was but man oh man. This mommy was emotional.

My baby is growing up. :(

Week 36 of 4K

This was the last week before she starts "Kinder Kamp" when instead of half days, she'll go full days.

This week was "Farm" week, learning about farm animals.

Not too many projects were brought home this week but she did bring home some pictures she drew:

Here is a picture she drew of herself. She had to include the tiara. :)

I asked her about this picture. Apparently her teacher got mad at her and a couple of her friends for doing something that they said they didn't do. So Hannah was mad at the teacher and just drew a couple "X"'s. Yikes. :)

This is a picture of Daddy. :)

This is a picture of Mommy. We had recently had some church directory pictures done and I wore a black dress. I think that's why I'm wearing this black dress. :)

And of course she drew a rainbow. :) She loves rainbows!