I'm Tammy and I'm gross

In case you didn't know, I'm gross, and here is proof.

Mark and I were sitting at the breakfast table eating breakfast....yeah, eating breakfast...which makes this even worse.

Mark leans over and tries to fart. I know this because I know his facial expressions as he's trying to fart. I ask him how it went for him.

Mark: I got nothing, nothing at all.

Tammy: Well, that's funny because you got a nice runny surprise going down your chair.

Mark is so gullible and actually jumps up from his chair looking for his runny surprise.

Then, later this afternoon I was blowing my nose and I made this comment to Mark: "You know, my snot reminds me a lot of my eggwhite I get". Believe it or not, Mark was not shocked and just shook his head.

Do you wonder why Mark has stomach issues?

My name is Tammy and I am gross.

Ever see that brain on drugs commerical with the eggs?

This is our dog, Eddie.


This is our Scotch tape.


This is Eddie on our Scotch tape when you leave him alone for a week while his daddy is in the hospital.

Mark's morale of the story (this isn't mine because I personally thought it was kind of dumb :)): Don't leave a dog on tape.

All together now: Huh?

Tyler's birthday

As promised here are a few pictures from Tyler's birthday party. I wasn't there very long at all so there aren't many. :( And I didn't even get one with cake. :(


My brother, Aaron, and Sam

Peyton

Tyler opening gifts with Adelaide watching him

Tyler opening up gifts

Tyler opening the gift from us. He loves Legos. :)

Happy birthday Tyler! Your uncle and I love you so much, more than you'll ever know.

Pictures

I wanted to share a few pictures here. These are pictures taken at the hospital. It goes to prove that yes, I do carry a camera everywhere I go. I'm Tammy and I am a camera-aholic. You just never know when that perfect photo opportunity will come up. :)



Here is a picture of our Christmas tree this year in the hospital. My mom and dad gave this to us. Isn't it the sweetest thing?


Some people may know that my brother and SIL adopted a baby boy from Ethiopia, Samuel, and he came home on Dec. 7. Mark and I had been trying to work out a time to go up and see him but literally, every time we tried to, we had a snowstorm. So, if anyone ever needs snow, let us know and we'll plan a trip to see Sam. :)

Well, my brother and SIL surprised us by coming down to see Mark in the hospital. I was very happy I had my camera. :) I was a little nervous about meeting him as all of my IF friends can understand. It was a little emotional for me at first, but my heart fell in love with Sam. He's such a happy baby. I did find his ticklish spot and a couple times when he started crying, I would tickle him and he would start laughing right away. It was so precious.

Here are a few pictures of Sam



Here is Sam and his sister, Adelaide. Adelaide is hugging Sam.


Here is Sam. You can see Mark in the hospital bed in the background. He did not want a picture of him taken, but I can't help it if he's in the background. :)


And here is me meeting Sam for the first time ever....what an amazing feeling.

And just in case people are wondering, that isn't a booger in my nose. I conveniently have a birthmark right on the side of my nose which I've seriously thought about having it taken off. Some people have told me I have a booger in which I have to explain that it's a birthmark. It makes me wonder how many people think I actually do have a booger and just don't say anything...ya know?

Tomorrow I'll be sharing some pictures from Tyler's birthday party on Dec. 26. I wasn't there too long as Mark was in the hospital and his blood sugars were low so I was nervous leaving him for too long. I felt really bad not being able to spend too much time with Tyler on his birthday and I hope some day he'll understand. I did feel horrible, though, as we were all supposed to go to Chuck E. Cheese and Mark and I weren't able to go. :( It would've been fun.

Anyway, I'll share more pictures tomorrow. :) And I promise to catch up on blogs. I slept in this morning and almost missed work which is so unlike me. I usually wake up a couple hours before I work and that's usually my "blog" time....I'm an early bird. :) I must have needed the sleep.

We're home!

Mark came home this afternoon. He's very weak and still not feeling the best, but he's home and we're both soooo glad to be home.

He did have a scare the last night at the hospital. His blood pressure dropped down to 64/44 and they couldn't get it up. At one point he felt like he was going to pass out, but otherwise felt fine. His pressure is still low, but he's doing better. He did fall getting out of bed this afternoon at home so I think there are still issues with his pressure.

Otherwise, his kidney is great! We're getting it checked out again on Tuesday to make sure but no sign of rejection so far.

His sense of humor is back which is so great to see. We knew our doctor was going skiing with his sons this afternoon so when the doctor came to see Mark, Mark said he was feeling much better and ready to hit the slopes with him. :) It got a chuckle out of the doctor. The doctor was actually jealous of us because we were going to be home and able to watch the Vikings game and he wasn't. :) And the Vikes won!! Yay!!

Thanks so much for your thoughts and prayers! We're so blessed! Our whole family is getting together on New Year's Day and the boys will be available, too, which is amazing! So our New Year's Day will be our Christmas Day and we're very happy we'll all be together and very grateful our family worked it out so we could. We have a great supportive family!

Then, a week from today, we will be flying with our whole family to Orlando to Disney World! Very exciting! Mark will be feeling much better by then. :)

Hope you all had a wonderful Christmas. :)

Update on Mark

Thanks again to all of you who have sent e-mails and thoughts. I've been reading them to Mark and it means a lot to us. I wanted to send an update as people have been asking...thanks!

Mark is doing better and was able to take his antirejection pills this morning. :) He had a really rough night where his sugars were low and he couldn't eat anything so we couldn't get them back up. They are still low and his stomach is still bothering him, but he's trying to eat a little to help. This happened the last time he was in the hospital, so nothing too concerning....just Mark's pattern.

Otherwise, he's doing pretty good. Very weak and sleeping a lot. His kidney is doing good which is a relief. It looks like we'll probably be able to go home on Monday. Little steps at a time.

And I'm feeling much better. :) I pretty much slept Christmas Day away and felt much better after that. Sleep is good. :)

Thanks again for the e-mails and prayers. It means a lot!

Send love to Rachel and her family :)

Rachel's 2-year-old boy is having his tonsils out. :( Poor little boy. Please go here and send some love and prayers. I know Rachel sure would appreciate it.

Thanks so much to everyone for your thoughts and prayers for us. Mark's still pretty sick, but I'm feeling better. I pretty much slept through Christmas Day and I'm feeling better. I'm hoping to get caught up on blogs soon....don't give up on me. :)

Update on Mark

This is copied from an e-mail so sorry if it's a repeat:

I've had lots of e-mails wondering how Mark was doing...thanks so much for asking. He's still in the hospital and still feeling really sick. They just put in a new IV but ran out of options in his arms and it's in his foot....poor guy. It looks so sore. They have to call anesthesia to come in and put IVs in and then Mark apologizes for making them come in.

They have been giving him some Ativan to help him relax more and he's actually able to sleep so that's been a big help, not only to him, but to me. I've been pretty sick and I've gone home to sleep for a few hours while the Ativan is working and my mom stays with Mark so I can relax more and sleep. Anyone who knows me, knows that leaving Mark is really hard for me to do when he's in the hospital, even when I'm sick myself and need rest, so the Ativan and my mom staying has really helped me to feel better about going home to rest. But I know I'm not nearly as sick as Mark and the focus is on him getting better and feeling better.

The kidney is still okay but we're hoping Mark can soon get his meds in. It's been 3 days without his meds. The longest he's gone without taking his meds has been 5 days and that was pretty worrisome, so we're hoping he can soon try taking them. I know it's a big concern of Mark's when he can't take his pills. He's always worried about his kidney.

Thank you to all who have sent e-mails and thoughts and prayers. We've gotten so many e-mails...thanks. They mean so much. I haven't been able to respond to anyone but know they sure are appreciated and I read every one of them and let Mark know...so thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

Please continue to keep Mark in your thoughts and prayers that he will start feeling better.

Mark and I wish you all a very merry Christmas. We love and appreciate you all.

Mark's in the hospital

Mark's in the hospital and now I'm sick.

Thanks Santa. I would have rather had coal.

We're still home :)

I brought Mark in today. I love our doctor. :) I can tell you that any other doctor knowing Mark's situation and health issues, would have admitted him today. And I know some family would be upset knowing he wasn't admitted today. But, every time Mark's stomach acts up and he ends up in the hospital, they try Zofran, Reglan and Compazine...all very good nausea meds....and they don't do anything for Mark. Usually it just takes time and then all of a sudden one day Mark will want food and then he's fine. The nurses even know his routine. :)

Anyway, the doctor knows Mark and knows he did not want to be in the hospital. He said with Mark the meds wouldn't help and the only thing that would help him would be the fluids and being today was the first day Mark hadn't taken fluids, Mark would be okay another day at home. They did check his kidney levels which were a little high but not bad. So it looks like Mark is starting to get dehydrated. The doctor called tonight and said that Mark won't get dehydrated tonight so we were okay until tomorrow. Then, if he's still not taking fluids, he'll have to be admitted. We are so grateful to have a doctor who is so understanding and knows Mark so well.

So, I'm sure we'll be going back in tomorrow. :( Mark can't take his pills anymore and he's only been sipping on water but throwing it right back up. The poor guy. :( He sure is trying.

He did say he'd rather be in the hospital than the doghouse because it's a little cold out there. :)

So for now, we're home but we'll have to see how tomorrow goes. Thank you so much for all the comments, thoughts and prayers. It means so much!

Mark's still sick :(

We thought he was getting better and now this morning, he was really sick and throwing up. He's still able to keep his pills down....that's the main thing. Poor guy. I can't imagine having the flu and still having to take 40 pills a day. I admire him so much.

Thank you so much for your prayers. I hope his stomach settles down soon. Please Lord, please! We don't want to spend Christmas in the hospital

Christmas in the hospital

Two years ago, Mark was really sick and we spent Thanksgiving and Christmas in the hospital. It was horrible. I know it could always be worse but there's something about spending those 2 holidays in the hospital that is really depressing.

Whenever Mark gets sick, it's pretty much a guarantee he'll end up in the hospital. If he's got the flu and throwing up, he's not able to take his pills which are vital for a kidney transplant patient. So, he has to be in the hospital to try to get his stomach under control.

I feel dejavu. Mark was really sick last night. I felt horrible for him. Let's just say he didn't know which end of the toilet to be on. At one point he was sitting on the toilet and asking for a bucket to throw up in. He's finally able to get some sleep now but he was up most of the night...the poor guy.

Plus he's got a really red eye and I'm worried it's pinkeye. It looks horrible. With his diabetes and the surgeries he's had on his eyes, anything having to do with his eyes, is a concern.

Please keep him in your prayers. I know he's really worried about "ruining Christmas". He can't help it though and I just want him feeling better. I don't care if we had to spend Christmas in the dog house as long as I got to spend it with him.

Mark's got a growth on his neck

We've been listening to a lot of Christmas music. That's really the only thing we listen to. I've made Mark listen to it in the car. He would much rather listen to old rock or anything but Christmas music. But, this time of the year, I get the final say. :) This is what he said the other day.

Mark: You know, this music kind of grows on you after awhile.

Tammy: Yeah, I'd have to say it really does, doesn't it?

Mark: Yeah, it kind of does. You know, I checked in the mirror this afternoon and I saw this growth on my neck.

Tammy: Huh?

Mark: Yep, that's right, a growth. It looked a lot like Christmas music. Get it? Christmas music growing on me?

He goes on to laugh hysterically at his joke. I just shake my head.

Then we hear "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus".

**Note to anyone who believes in Santa Claus and reads the rest of this. Santa does exist! This is just an irrational conversation between 2 dorks who have no idea what they are talking about!**

Mark: Why in the world would someone dress up as Santa just to put gifts under the tree?

Tammy: It's a song Mark.

Mark: I know that, Tammy. But, why dress up? Why not just put the gifts under the tree? The kids are probably asleep.

Tammy: Duh Mark. The kid saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus. Obviously he wasn't asleep.

Mark: That's true. But, still. Why go to all that trouble?

Tammy: Mark! It's a song! Settle already! At least this person was willing to dress up. My dad told us he used to complain that he had to stay up late to put the presents under the tree and then he had to drink all the milk and eat all the cookies before bed when he was so full from supper.

Mark: Wow. Your dad is kind of a scrooge. He could've gotten into the spirit and dressed up like Santa.

Tammy: Weren't you just talking about how crazy it was that he got dressed up?

Mark: It was just a song.

We have some crazy conversations sometimes. I think we're in desperate need of a life.

Letter to the babies

To our babies,

I can’t believe it’s been 2 months since you came into our lives and were welcomed into heaven. I can’t forget that I could be 2 months pregnant with you guys right now. I know there is a plan and God loves me very much but it doesn’t take the hurt away all the time and I think about you guys every day.

I miss doing the IVF. Others would think I was crazy for thinking that, but I do. I miss the shots. I miss the ultrasounds and seeing the follicles. I miss the burning and pain in my ovaries. I miss the feeling of bowling balls in my tummy. I miss the bloated feeling. I miss being so tired all the time. I miss the egg retrieval and waking up to your daddy with the biggest smile on his face telling me they retrieved 12 beautiful eggs. I miss it so much it hurts. I’d do it all over again and in a heartbeat if I could.

I know I’ve never been pregnant, but during this last IVF, I felt I was the closest to being pregnant. I got to feel you guys “grow” through all the burning, I got to see you guys on the ultrasounds, I had the bloating and tiredness and I had the feeling of sadness and excitement all at the same time after the retrieval when I knew you guys were no longer a part of me but knew life would forever change which I’ve heard is the feeling after giving birth.

I miss that so much, my sweet angels. I wish I could do it all over again. I wish I could feel you guys and see you guys just one more time. It seems so long ago and it seems so long before I get to see you guys again. I think about you guys every day and wish you were still a part of me.

I know you’ll have a great Christmas in heaven. I know you’re spending lots of time with your grandpa and your great-grandparents. Can you give them a hug for us and tell them we love them? I know they are taking good care of you and telling you stories about us. We hope they are all good stories. They are very special people to us and we’re so grateful they are with you.

Your daddy and I love you guys so much. Our hearts ache and hurt. We have comfort that God has a plan and His plans are for the good of us. But, that doesn’t take away all the pain. I’d give anything to have you guys in my tummy and be able to have you so close to me.

Please don’t forget me. I love you guys so much and there isn’t a day I don’t think about you. I wish things were different. I know some day I’ll know the reasons why and that gives me comfort to help ease the pain.

Merry Christmas babies. We love you.

Mommy and Daddy

No way did she just blog about that!!!

I'm sure that's what everyone will be thinking after reading this post. I have to warn you....if you're eating, you may want to put it down or maybe read it at a different time. I'm dying to know if anyone else has had this experience.

The other day we were baby-sitting Peyton. She had complained about a little tummy ache at lunch. Then she laid down for a nap. When she got up, Mark went in to get her and I followed shortly after. There was a really bad stench. Although I know the smell of Mark's farts (and they aren't pretty) and this one didn't smell like his, I immediately asked him why he had to fart. He denied it immediately and when I asked Peyton, she also denied it. Okay, no problem. Maybe she farted in her sleep before she got up or something. I told Peyton we would go change out of her diaper and put her big girl underwear back on (she sleeps in a diaper in case she has an accident).

So, she starts to take off her clothes and her diaper. In her diaper is a nice, runny surprise that she was not aware of. And when she went to take it off, the runny surprise ended up on her legs, feet and, oh yes, the carpet. I immediately tell Peyton to run to the bathroom to her little potty. She's really scared and crying and running to the bathroom with a runny surprise trail the whole way.

With Peyton crying and very scared and me trying to calm her down, I'm trying to clean her up the best I can. Several gags later, I decide the best thing would be to give her a nice bath. So, into the bathtub she goes and we start to clean her up. Not too much later, Peyton starts screaming once again. I look down and there is a runny surprise now in the bathtub. Poor Peyton...totally scared out of her mind and just not feeling well.

Out of the bathtub we get and onto the toilet. I was pretty happy I got her to the big potty so I wouldn't have to clean it up in her little potty.

Where's Mark in all this?? He's standing in the bathroom door, eyes wide as saucers. Thanks for the help, honey. :)

Finally, we get her cleaned up and I decided quickly that this time, we'll bypass the big girl underwear and let her wear a diaper the rest of the afternoon. As soon as we got her clothes back on, Peyton makes the fatal announcement: "I have to go poopy!"

We try our best to get the clothes off in time. I was hoping to get her on the big potty in time, but no such luck. Although the bathroom floor did see a little of the runny surprise, she luckily made it to her little potty in time. At least she made it to the little potty, but it would've been nice had the runny surprise been in the big potty.

We also changed her diaper then due to skidmarks in there. And at this point, we decided running around in the diaper for the rest of the afternoon might just be okay.

Luckily, she had no further episodes and felt much better. I, on the other hand, had a great afternoon of cleaning up the runny surprise. It was worth it, though, as Peyton would come up to me while I was cleaning it up, put her little arms around me and tell me she was sorry. She's such a precious angel and I love her so much.

I'm happy to report she's feeling fine now and back to her old self.

Mark, on the other hand, was sick last night. Luckily, he made it to the big potty so I had no runny surprises to clean up. Whew. :) Although, I did make a big mistake. My pet name for him is Markie-poo. Shortly after he had come out of the bathroom, I said to him, "I'm so sorry you're sick Markie-poo". Mark's response? "Oh, don't say poo!" and runs to the bathroom.

I'm happy to report that Mark is also feeling better at this point. But, I gotta tell you, it was an interesting couple days.

Aren't you glad I blog about everything? :)

I'm a blog copycat

Thanks so much to everyone for the responses on my last post and for your orders! It means so much! The support has been amazing. Thank you! If you missed it, please click here to see the blankets available. :)

Now, I'm going to be a blog copycat in 3 different ways:

#1. My good friend, Michelle, had a great idea with what to do with her leftover Christmas cards. She thought to give them away and that's exactly what I'm going to do. :) Although, I have to admit, mine isn't as good as hers. We don't have a cute little girl to show off....it's just us 4 ugly Wondras. :) And we don't live in a paradise like they do, so the picture is just us in our living room....but there is a picture of Mark and I in Hawaii. :)

So, it's not as special as Michelle, but if you're interested in having one, here is what I'm going to do.....and this is copied straight from Michelle's blog. I'm a total blog copycat. Leave me a comment and tell me who are you and how you found my blog. If I know you already and would like to be entered, just let me know. If you post my giveaway on your blog or your Myspace as a bulletin let me know- and add the link to your blog or your myspace page in your comment and I will add you a second time in the contest.

I have 10 leftover Christmas cards so if I have 10 people interested, you will all get one. :) If I have more than 10, I will randomly choose you. :)

#2: To copy many blogs, I am inviting you to ask any question you want about me. Anything you want to know, don't really want to know but are curious about, anything you're just dying to ask, anything.....just ask and I'll answer it in a future blog post. Here's your chance to get to know me and ask whatever you want. :)

#3: My good friend, Smoochie, had written something a couple days ago in response to the e-mail I had received. With her permission, I am posting here as I felt she said it so well and I wanted to share. Thank you so much sweetie for sharing this. Here it is:

So I may have misinterpreted the letter someone had written to Tammy, but these are my feelings on it.
As a child who was not wanted, abused, and eventually taken away I think I have a lot of say on the issue of children and where they belong. I know my past experiences dictate how I feel about these issues, but I believe I am allowed to feel this way.
I was born to parents in their teen years who didn't want me. They were abusive to each other, drug addicts, and prostitutes. They treated me like garbage and voluntarily gave me away when the state wanted them to, they had no hesitations, I was a burden. After being bounced around with no family, I ended up in an AWESOME foster family that kept me until I was in college. They were beautiful people that I miss very much.
As a young child (I remember being around 8 or 9) and my foster mother would tell me the truth about my real parents and I would just cry and say "why couldn't I have came out of your belly?" It was devastating for me to know my real parents didn't want me and didn't care to ever come back and try to get me. But... I have strong, strong, STRONG feelings about parenthood and who should and should not be allowed to procreate. Because my parents (foster parents) never TREATED me like I wasn't their child, I hung in with their other 8 natural birth children and felt like part of the family. I went through a very brief time when I was sad and actually wanted to be 'born into' the family and have their DNA, etc. But that was so short lived. That family never treated me like I didn't belong, in fact they are the only place I felt I DID in fact belong.
That family IS MY FAMILY. Love, comfort, and security make a family- nothing else. DNA matters not one bit. Hear me again, DNA means not one damn thing. I feel incredibly blessed my parents (foster parents) took me in and raised me well. I am who I am today because they loved me. My brothers and sisters tortured me, just like I was one of their own! DNA means nothing, I hear so often how one of my sisters and I look so much alike. It's all in the eye of the beholder.
One of the greatest things that always made me respect them so greatly is that they never lied to me, never 'hid' the truth to help me. I knew where I came from, I knew how I was created and just how lucky I was in the fact they wanted to take me in. I, personally, would never 'hide' the truths about life and how hard a child's creation was... The words "you're not my parent" have came out of my mouth one time- want to know when it was? When my birth mother came to visit once and tried to spank me. I yelled those words at her because SHE IS NOT MY MOTHER. My mother was the best person on this planet.
I don't know what else to say, besides my relationship has since been a little better with my birth mother, but she is always the same, walks in and out of my life on a whim, will always cancel plans with me if she is dating a new boyfriend. Her actions are nothing like a mother.
So in my conclusion- I believe the younger a child is to know they were adopted or conceived by 'different than normal' means, the better they adjust and understand. Kids just want to be loved- The more well-adjusted the child is, the less they will care about the details of their creation. It is what WE, as adults, make of it. Kids learn from example, if you're secure with your decisions and your love is unwavering, your child is will love you more for it.

I hope you are all having a great weekend! Thanks again for all your support!

Walking in my Winter Underwear

Whenever we hear the song "Walking in a Winter Wonderland", Mark chooses to sing his version, singing "Walking in my Winter Underwear". Apparently this has been around a long time, but I had never heard it before. Maybe I'm too young or something...or just haven't gotten around much. :)

Anyway, when we hear this song and Mark's in his long underwear, he chooses to dance around the living room singing his version, thinking he's "so cool".

So, now whenever you hear this song, you will probably be picturing Mark dancing in his long underwear singing "Walking in my Winter Underwear".

Aren't you glad you read this post? :)

My response

I have to admit, I was pretty bothered by "Z"'s comments and the e-mail I received...even to the point that I was pretty depressed and thought about putting my blog back on private.

However, thanks to the WONDERFUL support I have here, I feel MUCH better. I want to share some comments people made that really helped me:

"it's an egg they give up, not a baby"

"just because someone donates skin for a graft to repair a leg injury from an accident, that doesn't make it their leg. It is still yours, you just got some extra help to make it whole"

"If you donate blood, then you are helping to save life...but do you now become part of that person? No."

"They didn't come from an egg donor. These children will be nourished, grown, given life, & nurtured by me not the women who donated their eggs to me"

"I think you and mark are great for being so open about it. It is wonderful and this child will be so lucky to have you and once they are all grown up they will know how much you love them and will completely understand why you were so honest and open!"

"biological father and I don't know each other, we both loved children enough to want to bring another one into the world. And that it was only through the unselfish act of the donor that s/he was conceived"

I have thought long and hard about being open and honest and Mark and I have talked about it quite a bit lately. I can TOTALLY see those people's points who think we should be more quiet about it.

However, since we found out we had to use donor eggs, I have felt led to share our story. I don't know why. Maybe someone out there in blogland will read our story, decide to donate and brings another couple joy that they otherwise wouldn't have had. I don't know. But, I can tell you if I can help one couple bring happiness, I'll share my story. And if I can touch other people with our story and our child knows that, I can imagine they would be honored.

I've tried putting myself in my child's position...thinking what he/she would think. If my parents would have gone through what Mark and I have gone through to bring me here, I would have so much love for my parents....not that I don't now (don't worry Mom!). :) But the lengths we are taking for our child is soooo much more than a lot of couples do. A lot of babies were brought into this world through an "oops" or a teenage pregnancy or something. These children grow up knowing that as loved as they are, they weren't really wanted in the beginning....although may be very loved now. With our baby, our child will honestly be able to say they were loved from the very beginning and that we loved our child enough to get some help to bring him/her here.

Someone mentioned that if my blog is something I'm not ashamed to show my child, then I have nothing to worry about and some day I would love to show my child this blog. There are quite a few things about this journey that we have kept a secret and I have not mentioned on my blog that we will be telling the child only and it will be his/her decision who/when to tell.

With Mark's kidney transplant, we have often explained to Tyler and Peyton that Mark was sick and he needed help to get better and that his brother helped him to feel better. We plan to tell our child the same thing about the egg donor. Some day the question of DNA might come up and we will deal with it then. However, I have heard that when you have donor eggs, the baby will inherit some of my DNA genetic material. Either way, we have CHOSEN our child. And our child was loved from the very beginning.

And to be honest, I can't imagine a child being too upset when they are here on Earth because of the choices we made.

And on that note, I may never get pregnant. I may never have a baby. So, to protect a possible baby rather than help other people going through a situation or to touch people, I'd rather have the "guarantee" by helping others right now. I feel that's my calling and if I were a child and reading this that my mother wrote, I would be in tears right now, honored that my mother would share such a personal decision and journey to bring ME into this world, knowing she loved me that much and loved other people enough to share their story in hopes of helping others.

Maybe our child will feel different....but we will deal with it when/if we have to.

Let's get the baby first. :)

So, thank you to everyone for your support! It means a lot!

And, please, if our story has taught you anything or led you to donate eggs or help in another way, please let me know. I would love to know if our story has helped in any way.

Love to all of you!!

Round Two

I received this e-mail from someone:

First of all I understand your wanting to be honest w/people BUT theres A LOT to think about when you share this info.........
Yes,there is a good chance that other's will never view
this child as yours. Biologicaly the child is'nt yours(just like if you used a surragate w/your eggs) Thats your child//NOT the carriers! I think even adoption is more understood.
Also bye telling people your bussiness.....your child will for sure find out this (and may have wished you hadn't shared their info/it's going to be very private to them.....They can also have a bad day as a teen and say......your not my real mom...och!
Where is my real mom? (very painful) Don't think the way this world is
going,don't think years from now there won't be donors that look for their 1/2 child...just like adoption......and even if they never find them there arkids that will always wonder...(awful for everyone).........
I have told no-one but family DH-MOM....I know what it's like to not tell (b/c I USUALLY tell everything, my life is an open-book...BUT this is something I'd give more thought before sharing w/everyone............HUG//and Good luck!!

I never thought of it like that and she's got a good point. When we were first faced with this decision, we thought it would be a great opportunity to open other people's minds about donors and give more information. I never thought how it would affect the child.

I feel like a horrible mom already and it's really got me down now.

I'd love to hear from you guys about your feelings on this, especially those using donor eggs and/or sperm. Thanks guys!

Wow...

Thanks so much you guys for the comments yesterday! It means a lot! I cherish every one of them and I wasn't offended Ninefirefly. :)

Thanks so much for your comments guys! It made me feel much better.

(((HUGS)))

Not sure what to make of this....

I was talking to someone last night (we'll call her "Z") who was asking a lot of questions about the donor IVF. I love it when people ask me questions. I know it's pretty rare and people don't know much about the whole process so I love trying to open people's minds and give them more information if I can.

Anyway, some of the things she said kind of bothered me. I know she meant no harm and I was honored that she would ask questions because I know she cares.

I realize now that maybe other people are thinking the same things and I don't know how to handle it. If anyone has any input on this, it would be much appreciated.

Here were parts of the conversation that kind of bothered me:

Tammy: We pay for everything, meds, retrieval, ultrasounds, everything. We also have to pay $400 for their time.

Z: $400?? That's it? That doesn't seem like much for all they have to do!

Tammy: I was actually surprised we had to pay anything because when you're talking about donating a kidney, it's actually illegal to pay any money towards the donor.

Z: Oh, really? Still...$400 isn't much for all they do. I would think it would be more.

That made me feel very guilty for only paying $400. I'd pay any amount of money for a chance, but knowing what we know about kidney donation, I was surprised we had to pay anything and her feelings made me feel so guilty.

Next:

Tammy: We're given the option of seeing a picture but we don't want to do that.

Z: Oh, yeah, because you'd be walking down the street and wondering if she's the mother and so forth?

Tammy: Well, I'm the mother so that's not the point. (Z gives a half nodd). It's just when I look at my child, I want to see ME and not another person. They're going to match us up as much as possible so the child will still have my features so I want to see ME.

Will other people feel like I'm not the mother?? Will other people think like Z and think the child's mother is somewhere on the street?

And the last thing:

Z: Well, I personally could never donate. I mean, those are MY eggs and I'd always know that was MY child running around somewhere. I don't know how women can do that.

Tammy: Well, they've probably struggled themselves and don't want someone else to struggle. I'm sure they don't feel like it's "their" baby and that they are just helping someone else out. I'm so grateful for donors because without them I may never be able to carry our child.

Z: Yeah, I can see that. It's just something I could never do. I would always feel like I'm the mother.

Again, will other people see it the same as Z? That I'm not the mother? Will they treat the baby different because he/she didn't come from my eggs?

I know Z didn't mean any harm and was just voicing her opinions and again, I was so honored that she asked questions. I just wonder what other people think now and if they think the same.

And, yes, I realize I'm jumping to conclusions thinking we'll have a baby using donor eggs. :) Just trying to be positive.

I would love any input here guys. Thanks!

My perfect Christmas present

Mark gave me part of my Christmas present so I could enjoy it for the holidays:


That is a Precious Moments navity scene. :) It's absolutely perfect for me. I love Precious Moments, I love Christmas and I've always wanted a navity scene. :)

He's got a few brownie points going for him. :)

I have to share what Peyton said the other day. Her pants were a little too big on her and they showed a little crack sometimes. I, being the mature, responsible aunt, told her to "say no to crack".

Her response?

"No Crack!"

More prayers for Amy needed

Remember the post a little while ago about Amy and her husband Joe? Today I got this e-mail:

My mother-in-law just called. Joe's father had a heart attack and died in a hospital in Northern VA tonight. Joe and I had talked to him for an hour tonight. Joe's a mess. They were very, very close. Please pray for our family.

We'll probably head to Virginia Beach after Joe's dialysis appt in the morning. This is the absolute worst possible time. Joe's still recovering from surgery.

I can't imagine what they are going through. Please head over to her blog and offer prayers or hugs. They sure need it now. Thanks so much.

Author Amy Clipston

My husband isn't the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree

On Black Friday, I picked up a great deal of 2 pasta pots for only $5. Being we cook a lot of spaghetti, I was pretty excited. I was showing the pots to Mark later that day.

Tammy: Aren't these so cool? And they are such a way that you can use this for something other than pasta!

Mark: Yeah! Like spaghetti!

I won't even comment on that.

Here are a few pictures of when we decorated our house on Friday. It was a lot of fun.


I put Peter in charge of decorating this tree. Notice all the ornaments on the top of the tree. :)

Mark and Peyton. Notice Mark wearing the antlers. :)

Peyton wanting to try on the antlers.

Peyton and Peter helping. Peyton was so attached to Peter that day. It was kinda cute. :)

My mom and Tyler helping decorate the tree.

It was a fun day. I was glad the kids and my mom were able to help as I'm not sure I could've done it myself.

Hope you're all having a great week!!