Doogie's in obedience training!!

Earlier last week, I called a nearby dog obedience facility about training. We decided to do 5 weeks of personal training where we go to the facility one day a week for 5 weeks and then do most of the training ourselves at our house. We thought that would be the best for our long-term goal of having him trained for Mark's low sugar reactions.

The trainer said we could start in the spring when it would be warmer and not so much snow on the ground.

I just asked "How about Friday?"

Man, I was ready to get this dog going.

Doogie did soooooo well! I was very impressed and the trainer said Doogie is doing very well. I was so proud of Doogie. We've already seen a difference in him with just working with him for a couple days.

I'm such a proud momma. :)

My butt appointment

Peyton is so cute and sometimes the things that come out of her mouth are so adorable.

We get a lot of "remember when" moments where she takes us back in time and she remembers e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g.

This is what she said last night "Do you remember when we had to go down to the doctor real early in the morning and you had to wake me up and we went down there and they drew on your butt?"

:)

It took just a few seconds to register what she was talking about. During my FET last spring during an ultrasound to check my lining, I had the nurse draw circles where the progesterone shots had to go just for my peace of mind that we were doing it right. And yeah, they were on my upper hips/butt region.

And yeah, Peyton was there to watch the butt drawing.

Anyway, after I realized what she was talking about, I said "Yes, of course I remember that!"

Peyton asked "Well, next time you go down, can I come with?"

I said "Well, we'll have to see. If it happens on a Peyton day, yeah, you can come with."

Peyton breaks into a big grin and says "Yay! But you have to make sure you wake me up so I'm ready to go to the doctor for.....I can't remember.....what is it called?....uggggh! I don't know!.....oh well, we'll just call it your butt appointment."

To all my followers

Last year I posted this and I wanted to post this again:

One thing that is pretty much a given with all infertiles is that seeing babies and pregnant women is sometimes very hard. Sometimes hearing about someone else’s BFP is very hard. It’s just the way it is and I think we all can agree with that.

And I think we all understand that some days it’s just too hard to go to other pregnancy blogs and/or blogs with children.

Other people may perceive that as “selfish” or “wishing we could just be happy for someone”. But, from what I’ve learned from my many infertility books I’ve read is that when you’re dealing with infertility, you need to take care of yourself and your feelings. It’s not selfish and doesn’t mean you’re not happy for someone. It’s hard to explain to have someone completely understand. But what I’ve learned is that it’s okay to take care of yourself and think of your feelings and emotions as the struggle of infertility is hard enough on a person.

As most know, Mark and I are extremely limited in options of bringing our baby home. IVF is no longer an option for us. Adoption is not an option for us. IUIs are not an option for us. And I admit, I have my days where going to those blogs with that focus is just too hard. It’s not that I don’t care. It’s not that I don’t wish the best for that person. I just need to protect my emotions. On my strong days, I will go to those blogs and be the most supportive person I can be.

And what I’ve learned is that it’s okay.

I want you guys to know that if for any reason, it is too hard to follow my blog right now, it’s okay.

If you’re on a break and watching me being able to move forward is just too hard for you, it’s okay.

If you were going to undergo a transfer and it got canceled or something or didn’t work and watching me go through it is just too hard for you, it’s okay.

If you just got a BFN and watching me move forward in our journey is just too hard, it’s okay.

If for any reason the details of our FET are just too much for you to hear at this point and you just can’t hear it, it’s okay.

I’ve come to realize that I can’t make everybody happy as much as I would like to. But the last thing I want is my blog to be a source of someone’s pain. If it’s too much, I want you to know that it’s okay not to follow, whether it’s for a day, a week, months or whatever. I know it’s nothing personal and I want you to protect your feelings and emotions. Your support means so much to me and I know no matter what, you’re always there for me. Just the fact that you are reading this shows you care so much. Thank you.

I truly love you all and thank you from the bottom of my heart for being such a huge part of my life.

The first day of BCPs

Yesterday was the first day of my birth control pill!! It was exciting to get the show on the road and finally start something after so long.

I was excited that it was a Friday and Jamie and Peyton would get to join in on the celebration. Then, because of the teacher protest in Wisconsin that I'm sure you've heard about, Tyler didn't have school, so all 3 kids got to join in the celebration. :)

I continue the BCPs for a few weeks and start the Lupron shots and estrace on March 19.

Which is 4 weeks away!!

I've never wanted to shoot myself up more than I do right now!

Here are some pictures of the first day of my BCPs!

Jamie thought maybe he should have 1 or 2


Peyton, Jamie and Tyler


Me and Doogie


And I have to throw in this picture even though Mark hates it and thinks he looks like a slob. I just love how much he loves Jamie and love pictures of those two together and how good he is with him.

On another sad note, this past week, it's been so sad in the blogging world as quite a few bloggers have had failed IVF cycles or FETs and my heart is breaking for them. Please know that you are never far from my thoughts and prayers. Love you guys and wish I could take away your pain.

The letter worked!

Aunt Flo made her lovely appearance this morning! It's about time. I hope this is her last visit for a very long time.

This means I get to start my birth control pills tomorrow! Woohoo!! Both Peyton and Jamie will be here so they will get to join in on the celebratory first pill. I know Peyton will be excited as she always wants to help Mark and I take our "pillows" every time she's here.

Golly, she's so cute. :)

On another note, I have a close friend who I met years ago on the NW board. She's been through a lot, having several losses. She finally just had twins and I'm so happy for her! Unfortunately, the twin girls were born at 29 weeks so they are very small and will be in the NICU for a couple months. Also, the one baby was born with only one arm which I know has been hard and stressful. But, I'm soooo happy for her! If you could keep her in your thoughts and prayers, it would be so appreciated. I know she would appreciate it.

Love you girl!

A letter to Aunt Flo

Dear Aunt Flo

I admit, most times I don’t like your visit. It annoys me and most of the time, your visit is met with tears, frustration and sadness.

But this is actually one of those times that I would actually like you to visit and you’re not on time and you’re making me mad.

You see I can’t start this transfer without your help. I need you here. Once you visit, then I can start my birth control pills, but not until after you visit. You were supposed to show up yesterday and there were times I thought I could hear you knocking only to find you not even there.

You’re making me very upset.

My cousins Bloating and Cramping are here and usually you are right behind them, so why aren’t you here?

If you’re lost, please call me and I will give you directions. The sooner you can get here, the better.

I appreciate your cooperation.

Sincerely,
Tammy

Latest update on service dog

Some may read this and see my point.

Others, and most, will probably be shaking their heads and wondering what I'm thinking.

I was talking to a friend the other day about the service dog situation and how frustrated I was. I was talking about how I was writing a letter and my friend said "God's closing the door, Tammy. He's saying no."

I gave her a blank look.

"He's clearly closing doors. I don't think a service dog is in His plans."

I gave her another blank look. I mean, hello! A service dog would be sooooo good for Mark. He suffers from insulin reactions almost daily. It would take so much stress off me if he had a service dog. How could such a good thing not be in His plan??

And I gotta say, this friend kind of pissed me off.

So, I said to her, "You're gonna have to explain. I don't understand what you're getting at."

My friend said:

"Think about it. You said yourself from the very beginning, you haven't had a good experience with this company. You applied back in September. You hadn't heard anything at all for over a month so you get Doogie. Finally you hear something and you set up an in-home visit. It has to be rescheduled twice because of weather...who's in charge of weather?? Then the day you have the visit, the weather is bad, she doesn't want to cancel a third time, but she's an hour late. The visit went terrible and you again had bad vibes. Now, they are denying you and it just doesn't seem right, like there was miscommunication or something odd happened to get you denied.

Maybe someone else needs a dog more than Mark.
Maybe it's to give Doogie a purpose in life and he's meant to be trained and help Mark.
Maybe Mark's duties during training will be too much for him.
Maybe your bad experience will open their eyes and give someone else a good one.

You don't know the reason but it's pretty clear God is closing this door. And you've said yourself during this journey that God will open doors and you won't close them, only God will."

I've thought of that conversation more and more and she's so right. God is closing the door. I still sent them a letter explaining how we felt misled in hopes that it will help someone else.

But in all honesty, both Mark and I aren't sure we even want a service dog from them anymore. We're leaning more towards getting Doogie through some obedience classes and seeing how that goes training him. Amazingly, I did a Google search for obedience training near us and there is one right in our hometown....never knew that and never heard of it before. So, I emailed them about prices and we'll go from there.

It may seem like we're "giving up" but that's far from the case. We're just going the way we feel is right, for reasons unknown to us. And honestly, I feel so calm knowing we get to keep Doogie. I get to keep my baby boy! I've been giving him more and more hugs lately.

So, it appears the service dog is not going to happen but we're okay with it. We're happy and that's all that matters.

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers! It truly means so much!

Update on the service dog

Thanks for all the support! I've calmed down some. :) I've got to learn not to post when I'm upset but it sure does feel good to vent.

Mark did call Monday and talked to them and the reason was Doogie. :( I was so afraid of that. Mark did mention that we had a new home for him and they said they don't like to relocate dogs because it's too stressful on them. Honestly, I don't understand that at all as they train dogs and relocate them to a house so what's the diference?

They talked a lot about how a second dog is a distraction. Mark said sometimes it felt like they never heard him say we had found a new home for him.

Mark did ask if there was another reason and she said "not in my notes" which contradicts what the letter says about it being for "more than one reason".

Something just doesn't sound right. Either there is something they aren't telling us or there is some miscommunication between the interviewer at our house and the director of training. If it was something like they didn't feel there was a need because I'm with him most of the time, that's fine. If they thought Mark was too "advanced" or "too sick" and thought it wouldn't be worth it to train as they think Mark isn't going to make it too long, that's fine. Hard to think like that, but I can see where they would think that.

I just want answers and real answers.

So, we're writing a letter and explaining what we would do with Doogie and how we feel they are being contradictory to us right now. I have to write it when I'm calmed down more, though. :) Right now, it's a lot of not-so-nice words and I keep rewording it because it was too mean.

I'll keep you posted and again, thank you so much for your support!

I wanted to address some questions that people asked. Thank you so much for your input!!

Are you able to appeal this? I don't know but it's a great idea. That suggestion was what made me think of the letter, so thank you Nic! I know you're going through a lot right now and the fact that you checked my blog means so much. Thank you sweetie! ((HUGS))

Does Mark have an insulin pump? No, he doesn't. :( We've actually looked into this several times but because he's so brittle, he's not a good candidate, ironically. But we've heard soooo many wonderful things about insulin pumps. They are wonderful. Thanks for the suggestion Leah!!

Can his doctor maybe write or call on his behalf, and state how important a service dog would be for him? Definitely something we've thought about and if we need to, we definitely will.

So you got approved for a kid but not a dog? Huh. Yes, it is strange, but I do understand their point about another dog being a distraction for training and it's a BIG distraction. I don't blame them at all, just wish they would work with us more around this situation. If it weren't for the second dog, it sounds like we would've been approved.

No service dog

Man, I'm ticked.

We come home from a nice weekend, I'm in a good mood....and then open up the mail to find a letter from Ca.n Do Can.ines saying that they can't approve Mark for a diabetic service dog. They can't disclose the reasons why but it was for more than one reason.

We'll be calling tomorrow for sure. We are entitled to a reason....at least one if there was "more than one".

Man, I'm ticked.

Are we that horrible of people? Was our house horrible? She knew we had Eddie for 8 years and he lived a happy life. We love animals.

Is Mark not sick enough? Maybe besides his diabetes, he needs to have heart issues...oh, yeah...he's had that. Maybe he needs to have had a transplant..oh, yeah...he's had that. Maybe he just needs to be sicker. Or maybe they are just waiting for him to die.

Man, I'm ticked.

I pray it's not because of Doogie. I hope it's not. She knew we would find him a good home if we needed to. She knew that was tough for me, but I told her a couple times that a service dog was much more important.

Did Doogie give a bad impression? Was it his farts? They are brutal.

On a serious note, I just don't get it and it ticks me off. Mark could benefit sooooo much from a service dog. It would be such a huge help for us.

I'm feeling so upset and defeated now. It's not fair. Mark has so many insulin reactions, some are so scary that I pray he pulls out of it and doesn't go into a coma. I pray he stays alive. There have been so many times I'll sit there stroking his face while he's in a reaction telling him to please pull out of it and not leave me.

It was always my hope that those situations would at least lessen if not go away completely with the help of a service dog.

That hope is gone.

Man, I'm ticked.

(After rereading this, maybe I should email this to them....well, taking out the "ticked" parts :))

Cleaning house

This post really isn’t about cleaning house. That just doesn’t happen around here. It would be a very boring post.

I wanted to update you all on my life as people have been asking. It means so much that people care! Thank you!

Service dog: We are still waiting to hear if we’ve been approved for the service dog or not. I called last week finally because we figured we would’ve heard by then. I was told then that they review cases on Fridays and that if we hadn’t heard anything by now, she was sure the case would be reviewed soon. I wasn’t happy that they couldn’t tell us for sure. I thought it would be professional to give us the exact day our case would be reviewed and it was really upsetting that they couldn’t. Even Mark is getting upset and he’s the “easygoing” one. It’s frustrating.

Home study: We found out that as of 02/01/11, our home study was APPROVED! This came as quite the shock to us. We honestly weren’t expecting it to be approved and I was really starting to try to turn my attention fully on our transfer and on being the best aunt I could be. It just seemed like it was one thing after another. So it was quite the shock when we got the email saying we were approved. We will see what happens with the transfer and go from there.

Which brings me to my next bit:

Transfer: We’ve received our schedule in the mail for our transfer! As soon as I get my February period (which should be around the 15th), I will start on birth control pills. On 03/18/11, I’ll have my baseline ultrasound and then I’ll be starting the Lupron and Estrace starting 03/19/11. I’m sooooo excited to start shots again! I know, sounds weird but man, I want to start shooting myself!

Speaking of the transfer, for those following me on FB, I won’t be updating there. I just have too many family and friends who follow me there and this round, we’re going to just keep it quieter. I’m definitely going to update my blog and keep you guys updated for sure, just not on FB. I don’t care if people find out or anything like that. It was just too hard to tell so many people last time that it didn’t work and this time if it works, it’ll be so much fun to surprise my family and friends.

Mark: Mark hasn’t been having a good week. He’s been having some chest pain. We went in yesterday and they ran some lab work and an EKG and we haven’t heard anything, so that’s good news. If there was something concerning, they would’ve let us know right away, so the fact that we haven’t heard anything is good news. They made some medication adjustments and we will be seeing the cardiologist in 2 weeks again. Please keep Mark in your prayers.

Doogie: Nothing has changed. His farts are still brutal.

Gymnastics and work: I’m back working overtime and coaching gymnastics 6 days a week. I love it, although it does leave little time for anything else. I know there are a lot of people busier than me, so I’m not complaining at all! Just know that if you’re waiting for an e-mail, phone call or a comment on your blog, please know that I’m still here and thinking of you and I promise to catch up.

With that being said, I want to send a shout-out to all my bloggers and friends. I know a lot of you are going through a lot, some with a loss of a pet, a devastating BFN or really down. I’m definitely thinking and praying for you so much. I know there are also some with exciting news, BFP or undergoing a transfer and/or getting prepared for it. I’m so excited for you guys and I’m so glad to be on this journey and cheering you on.

And thank you for all your support!