My end of year letter to Hannah

My dear sweet Hannah,

When this year started my biggest concern was that you would be starting school and then we would be leaving for a week for vacation and I was worried you would get behind in school too soon. 

If we only knew...

First day of school

The week before school started out rough. You had strep throat and couldn’t go to your open house.  Your dad was in the hospital with shingles. We were praying so hard that he would be out for your first day.  He was and we were all so happy he was. And you were feeling back to normal. Things seemed so good

Mom, Hannah and Dad

You were so excited to go with the family to Hawaii. I was happy to get away but I was so nervous to leave your dad. We left not knowing the moment we sent the message by FaceTime to him would be the last moment we would officially “talk” to him

We know what happened in Hawaii. One morning we were told your dad wasn’t going to be coming home with us.  That afternoon we fulfilled a lifetime dream of swimming with the dolphins. You didn’t know but smiling during that experience was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. I put a smile on for you because I knew you needed it and your dad wanted it that way but I was breaking inside 

I had no idea how you were going to do when we got back from Hawaii. I was so worried about you and I knew your dad would want me to take care of you first.  I did my best but it was so hard. 

Oh sweetie, you made me so proud. So very proud. You were hurting but you stayed strong.  Going to the funeral would have been too hard and when the idea of a kids funeral came up, you embraced it.  

Hannah hugging her friends at her kids funeral 

Holidays were tough. We had our first Thanksgiving and Christmas without your dad 

We knew putting up a Christmas tree with all the family ornaments would be hard so we put up a “Daddy tree” instead. His favorite colors, his favorite things (Vikings, cars, the Beatles, etc)

Daddy tree 

After the holidays I breathed a sigh of relief. We were through the worst of it

Or so I thought. 

The holidays were tough but you handled them like a champ. I was amazed by your strength and will power to make the most of it. 

In February we took a much needed and wanted girls cruise with friends. Oh it was so nice to be able to smile and see you smile. You had the time of your life. 

We were finally having some happy times. I thought the year was finally on the upswing. 

But that just wasn’t the case.  We were faced with another tragedy. 

In March, our community was hit with the devastating news of a car accident that claimed two boys lives. You didn’t know them but you knew many people who did. You would see people crying and you gave them hugs. You gave flowers to those struggling.  You gave Mateo, a friend of theirs who was struggling, a blanket. You wanted so desperately to make everyone feel better because you knew how much it hurt to have someone you love die. You hated seeing people hurting so bad. 

Watching you be there for others when I know you were hurting so much yourself made me so proud of you. 

Just when we thought it couldn’t get any worse, the news of the Covid pandemic came.  School was closed for 2 weeks. We had to do distance learning. 

But then came the news that school wouldn’t open again this year. No more gymnastics or dance.  No more Awana. No more seeing friends. Mateo, the foreign exchange student who was like a brother to you, had to go back to Spain with no notice and not being able to say goodbye.   Claire’s graduation had to be a parade with no ceremony 

Hannah’s dance recital costumes that she was never able to use 

Even with a sudden stop of Awana, she was able to finish her whole book and get her plaque—the highest rank for Sparks 

Hannah’s babysitter since the day she was born graduated. 

This year was a tough year for you sweetie. It was a tough one for everyone but especially for you. But you handled it like the strong girl you are. 

Because of what you had gone through earlier in the year, you were able to be there for others at the end of the year. You never once thought of yourself. You always thought of others. 

It’s hard to explain just how proud I am of you sweetie.  You’ve been through the ringer this year but it’s only made you a better person and stronger. 

You’re my hero. My strength. The reason I get up in the morning.  I have no doubt you will continue to amaze me in your third grade year. 

And we know God and Daddy are in heaven smiling so big. You’ve made them so happy 

Keep your head up high sweetheart. Be proud. You are an amazing little girl. 

With all my heart, 

Mom 

Summarizing the past couple months

I thought I would write a post summarizing the last couple months. 

We entered into Spring Break the middle of March with the thought that we would have one week of spring break and one week of “distance learning” and then back to school.  School was happy to provide free breakfast and lunch to students for that week—even delivered. Hannah’s teacher sent home her inside shoes and snacks “just in case” we didn’t go back but I honestly thought we would. Maybe not after those two weeks but soon

Stay at home orders just seemed to keep extending week after week. School was still delivering free meals. We were still distance learning as packets were being mailed out. I had Hannah do a little bit of each subject every day along with reading and math facts.  But it definitely wasn’t the same 

Hannah told me I was the best mom but the worst teacher—it’s true

Then came the news that school was closed for the rest of the year. It was really sad honestly. We had to go pick up our students things. No going into the classroom. School building was closed. We had to pick things up at the door. There were a few Zoom meetings but for the most part no contact. 

I let Hannah get the Messenger for Kids app so she could talk with friends. Otherwise she really didn’t talk to anyone. 

Just last week a devastating death of a black man by a cop resulted in huge riots across the country. We’ve gone from a Covid crisis to riots. 

As I’m writing this, we still have 2 days left of school although technically I admit it’s pretty much a lost cause at this time.  I have Hannah read a book every day and do math facts just to keep up.  Otherwise I’ve been focusing on her mental health for the most part

Her babysitter graduated from high school this year. We don’t know if there will be a party or not. No commencement. No eighth grade recognition for Peyton. Nothing

Wannigan Days has been cancelled. We are still waiting to hear how this will affect Hannah’s reign as the second little princess. Already almost all the parades are cancelled for the summer.  She is so sad to miss parades. 

The county and state fairs are cancelled.  Summer is pretty much over before it even began. 

The start of next year is in limbo. 

This has been one crazy year. 

Two days before school ends, this is how we spent the day during “school”—hiking and swimming. I call it “Phy Ed” and “mental health” :)