Hannah's first word!!

Hannah said her first word!

Yeah, I figure nobody believes it too much but both Mark and I heard her clearly say "Mama" and as her mama, I'm taking it. :)

It happened on Friday, April 27. I was working and I could hear her fussing in the living room. I went out to her just like I usually do when I hear her fussing and said "What's wrong, Hannah Banana?".

My back was to her and the minute I picked her up, as clear as day, she said "Mama" and immediately calmed down when I picked her up.

Mark and I both looked at each other with a shocked look. I don't think either one of us believed it.

Yeah, it was probably just a coincidence and she was probably just babbling. But, it was as clear as it could be and others have said their babies said "mom", "hi" or other things as early as 2 months.

So, even though she maybe was babbling, I'm going to go out on a limb here and say her first word was "Mama". :)

I'm so proud :)

Hannah took my boobie!!!

Hannah nursed yesterday!!!! She hasn't done that for a long time but she did yesterday. It totally made my day! I was so excited I texted my sister "Hannah took my boobie!". Of course, with my luck she was by another guy when the text came through. She didn't think he saw it but I was still so embarrassed. Lesson learned. :)

Hannah's dedication

Here are pictures from Hannah's dedication. She did sooooo well during her part. Amazingly well. She only cried a little when the pastor took her to pray with her and then she was fine when I took her back. She was such a beautiful baby and it really meant a lot to us to dedicate her to the Lord, especially on Easter.

After all she was named after Hannah in the Bible who promised if God gave her a child, she would give the child right back to Him and that's what we wanted to do.

It was such an amazing, glorious event and we are so happy!


Pastor, us and my mom and dad


Hannah Banana with a hint of a smile :)










Our family who came to the dedication. We are soooo grateful they were there to help celebrate this day with us!!

A day of mixed emotions

Thank you soooo much for all your helpful advice and encouragement on my exhausted post! It means a lot.

She has had a couple nights where she sleeps good until 12-1 so that’s about a 4-hour stretch. I’ll take it. :)

If you’ve been a follower of my blog, you may or may not know that 2 years ago on my birthday, after doing an embryo transfer, I had a beta that ended up being negative.

Then, with no planning at all, the next year, last year, after an embryo transfer, I again had a beta drawn on my birthday but this time with different results as it was positive!! It was my first positive and it was on my birthday! What an amazing birthday present.

However, 2 days later, I found out I was miscarrying. :(

What are the chances of it happening 2 years in a row where your beta is scheduled on your birthday?

This year, my birthday (which is today) is much different as I get to spend my birthday with my angel, Hannah. The little stinker woke me up at 12:14 this morning, 14 minutes into my birthday. Then she woke me up at 3:24 this morning. I was born at 3:27 a.m. on this day 36 years ago. She really wanted to wish me a happy birthday. :)

I’m so happy to be able to celebrate this birthday with my baby girl. I couldn’t imagine anything better. She makes my whole world complete. I just love her so much.

But, honestly, there is a part of me that is sad. I miss our nuts. With each transfer, our babies became a part of me, a part of my heart. So, each time we lost our babies, a part of my heart was gone too. I really like to think of it as with each baby, another heart grew so when I lost the baby, I lost that heart.

I know I have Hannah and I wouldn’t trade my Hannah Banana for ANYTHING in the world. And every time I get a little sad, I just have to look into her eyes and her smile and my heart melts into a slobbery mess because I know my life is just how it’s meant to be. I can’t imagine it better.

But that doesn’t take away from my other babies. They will always be a part of me and on my birthday, I will always think of them no matter what.

I love you precious nuts! Thank you for being a part of my heart.

And I love you Hannah Banana! Thanks for making my birthday so incredibly special and such a wonderful birthday! I can’t wait for many more to come!

Exhausted

I promise I'm not complaining. I wouldn't trade these days for anything in the world and I know those who are still waiting would give anything to be in my shoes.

I'm just so tired. Hannah is still up every 2-3 hours at night and she eats every time. She did have a time where she only needed to eat every 4 hours and would just need me to put in her paci every couple hours. But, now it seems every 2-3 hours she's awake and she's hungry.

And every 2 hours she's up doesn't mean I get 2-hour stretches of sleep as it takes a little while for me to go back to sleep and I hold her for a little while before putting her back down because she doesn't transfer well.

What makes it harder is that I'm basically doing it on my own. I need Mark to be there during the day the most so I take the night shift. Once in awhile he'll get up but for the most part, I'm on my own and it's tough.

The other night he wasn't able to sleep until 5 in the morning and got a glimpse of Hannah's nights and couldn't believe how much she was up during the night. I think I surprised him when I said that was her "norm".

And we've tried everything it seems to help....nothing helps. She's just not a good sleeper. She's a "cat napper". She takes little naps throughout the day no matter how long we keep her awake in hopes of her taking a longer nap then. It doesn't matter if we keep her up later before putting her into bed. She still wakes up the same times.

This week we'll be trying rice cereal and feeding her for the first time so I'm hoping that helps, although we've been putting some rice cereal in her bottles for a few weeks now and that didn't help.

Again, totally not complaining! I know one day I will REALLY miss these days so I'm trying to cherish these days.

I'm just so tired. I can't seem to get any energy at all. I don't seem to have any energy to do any housework at all, any cooking, no blogging much less checking blogs which does make me sad. I wish I blogged more but that's mommyhood for ya.

I'll be posting pics of Easter and Hannah's dedication soon. This tired momma will get to it.

Hannah's dedication

I'll be posting more pictures later but here is a picture of Hannah on Easter & at her dedication. We were soooo proud to dedicate our sweet angel on Easter. A perfect day.

And she did great during her part. I was soooo proud of her.

More pics to come!!

Two years ago today

Two years ago today, we underwent an embryo transfer.

We had adopted 3 embryos from a blogger friend, Kami. We traveled to Detroit, Michigan for the transfer. We nicknamed our little embies Peanut, Hazelnut and Lugnut. Unfortunately one didn’t survive the thaw but we did have 2 strong embies that we transferred.

It’s so hard to believe that 2 years ago we were undergoing a transfer. It was the first time I could say with certainty that I was pregnant. I saw the 2 embies transfer in me. I have the pictures and video to prove it. It was pregnant with twins, 2 beautiful babies.

We all know the ending result. Unfortunately those 2 beautiful embies we transferred didn’t survive inside me and they became our angel babies.

I think about Peanut, Hazelnut and Lugnut every day. I often wonder what they look like, if they are boys or girls. I’m sad that I wasn’t able to see them and hold them on Earth. But I know the life that really matters is our life in heaven and I can’t wait to meet them when I get there.

In the meantime, while I’m holding my sweet angel Hannah in my lap, Peanut, Hazelnut and Lugnut are being held by Jesus in His lap. What a comforting feeling.

Today is a special day, a day I think about our 3 angel babies, the babies that first gave me the experience of being pregnant and I think of Kami who gave me that precious gift.

Love you Peanut, Hazelnut and Lugnut. Mommy will be holding you in her heart until the day she sees you in heaven. I miss you and think about you every day.

Update on nursing

I’ve had a couple questions from people asking how nursing is going. Thank you so much for asking!

Before Hannah caught a cold and wasn’t feeling well a few weeks ago, nursing was going wonderful. Then when she got sick, she wasn’t nursing at all, probably because it was hard for her to breathe when she nursed. So she just took the bottle. It didn't bother me. I knew she wasn't feeling good and I just wanted her comfortable.

However, since then she hasn’t nursed at all which is heartbreaking for me. Sometimes I don’t even have her try because it is so devastating to me knowing that she is hungry but she doesn’t want to take me. I feel like a failure and that I’m letting her down.

But, I’m still pumping, still taking the herbs and domperidone to get milk for her. I’m pumping about every 3 hours. It is a lot of work, but it’s something I can do for her and that makes me feel better. I know she LOVES the breast milk as she really gulps that down, much faster than the formula. It seems like it’s a dessert for her. And I know it’s really good for her. So, right now I’m focusing mostly on getting as much milk for her as possible and just keep reminding myself that the most important thing is that she’s getting the milk, not the nursing part.

I still do the “skin to skin” contact so we still get the closeness that nursing brings. I just love having her snuggle up to me. Nothing is better.

Although I really, really, really hope one day she’ll nurse again, until then I’ll pump for my baby girl knowing that I’m doing something really good for her and something she really likes. I’m really glad I’m doing it for her even if it’s not the way I hoped.

A 3-month letter from Hannah

Hi Mommy and Daddy's family and friends!

Can you believe that I'm already 3 months old? I'm really growing. I weigh about 11-1/2 pounds now and I'm in the 25th percentile. I'm still just a little peanut but I'm sure growing!

I'm doing really well. The doctor tells my mommy I'm perfect and she's doing everything she needs to. I know that makes Mommy feel really good. I did have a cold not too long ago but I'm feeling better from that. Mommy was proud of me as I learned the concept of sharing as I shared my cold with Mommy and Daddy. I'm glad I can make Mommy proud.

I still have problems with sleeping at night. I have good nights where I'll sleep for 4-hour stretches and then the next night I'm up every 1-2 hours. I really just want to bond with Mommy. She's had 30+ years to sleep and really doesn't need any more.

Not too long ago, Daddy celebrated 10 years of his kidney transplant! That's a big deal for us. I'm so happy Daddy got his transplant so he can spend more time with me. I can't thank my Uncle Scott and Aunt Rose enough for giving me my daddy.

I have a big week coming up. My brother, Peter, is getting married on Tuesday and I'll be in the wedding! Don't worry. Nobody missed out on anything. This came up really fast for everyone and we only found out about it last Wednesday night. But this will be my first wedding and I'm so excited to have a sister-in-law! Daddy says I can't get married until I'm 35 so I better enjoy this one. 35 is a long ways away and it's o-l-d.

Then on Easter Sunday, I'm going to be dedicated! I know this is a big event for Mommy and Daddy. They worked so hard to bring me home and they promised God if He gave them a child, they would give God all the glory and would show me the way to Him. This dedication is very important to them. I have a very pretty dress, too, to wear that day and I'm so excited. I just hope I don't spit up on it. I've been known to do that.

Some very exciting news is that in less than 3 months, the adoption will be final and I will legally be Mommy's and Daddy's! I know Mommy and Daddy will be celebrating that day for sure. I'm up for anything as long as I have my bottle.

I think that about covers the latest news on me. I love you all and can't wait to hear how you guys are doing!

Love,

Hannah