God does give you more than you can handle

For years I've heard "God will never give you more than you can handle" and for years I believed it.

I can tell you it's not true.

I've looked back at my life and I can give you examples of when I felt I was at my breaking point. It may not have been a breaking point for others as there is always someone who has it worse no matter what you're going through. But these were times I felt I couldn't deal with it anything anymore. And you know what I did?

I prayed. I cried. I told God I just couldn't do it anymore. I admit, I'd get angry at Him for putting me or Mark through so much. I'm ashamed to admit it but I have gotten angry.

But I realize had I not gotten to that breaking point and at times gotten frustrated or angry, I wouldn't have seen God's hand at work. There have been times I've heard the perfect song at the perfect time and it was what I needed to hear.

A God thing.

I've simply asked for prayer when things got tough to have a sudden turnaround or just a calmed heart knowing people are praying.

A God thing.

After I miscarried our sweet babies, I was so depressed I couldn't get out of bed. I was angry with God only to reach out to Him later saying I couldn't get through it without His help.

I got through it, I got out of bed and moved on. That was after I simply told Him I couldn't do it without His help.

A God thing.

When we were told we had matched with Hannah after our profile was mistakenly submitted but we would need $10,000 in a month to bring her home that we didn't expect, I prayed to God to find a way, to help us and that I knew only He could do this.

People generously gave and we raised almost $10,000 to the penny.

A God thing.

And just yesterday when I was so down and depressed, couldn't talk to anyone and just felt like I couldn't take it anymore, I prayed to God to please help me and find a way to give me the strength I need for myself and to be there for Mark.

Then my mom surprised us by bringing our precious baby in. She was the strength I needed.

A God thing.

You see, God DOES give you more than you can handle and He does it on purpose so you turn to Him. Just think if things were always peachy and rosy and things fell into our laps without having to work on it or anything. Who would we reach out to help us? Would we need strength? Would we feel like we needed anyone?

No. Maybe we would be thankful but even reaching out to God for thanks doesn't happen as much as when we need His help.

So the next time I hear "God doesn't give you more than you can handle", I know it's just not true and I'll tell them that. Because I know if He didn't, I wouldn't have the relationship I have with Him now. He's given me trials and tribulations but all have made me closer to Him.

It's a God thing.

And I'm so thankful.

Torn in two

Thank you so much for all your prayers & thoughts. It means a lot

Mark did get his breathing tube out which is great news! Since having it out he's had some confusion & agitation which is unusual for him. He actually fell while trying to get out of bed last night so he now has constant supervision. They don't know why he's having the sudden change in mental status. They may do a CT of the brain

I did get to see my sweet Hannah lady night & oh what a joy. She had a hard time yesterday & crying for mommy. So my mom brought her down for me & we stayed at a hotel. It was so wonderful & she clung to me so much. It was hard to leave her again this morning. 

She's a tough cookie. It's hard to know what she's thinking. She's been saying "daddy sick" quite a bit. We know she's thinking about it. We just try to reassure her daddy is feeling better & wants to be home with her. She hasn't seen him in the hospital as he looks scary & we don't want to do that to her. 

She's my hero though. She's so tough. 

I'm so torn. It's so hard to want to be with your daughter & husband. Both need me & I can't be with both & it's so hard. We knew when we were adopting that we'd have to deal with this at some time & we've talked about it. But it dies by make it easier. 

I want to be with Mark. I want to be with Hannah. Both are suffering & there isn't anything I can do. As a mom & wife it kills me

Thank you for all your support, love & prayers. It means so much. 

Living a nightmare

I wanted to update those who aren't on Facebook and not aware of what's going on.

Mark is in the hospital with influenza and pneumonia.

A couple weeks ago Hannah was sick. She was still playing and stuff and just had a bad cough and ran a fever at night. After a week we took her in and she had pneumonia.

A few days after she was diagnosed with pneumonia, I started getting a cough and a fever. I went in the next day to make sure it wasn't influenza so if it was Mark could be started on empiric meds. Working in the medical field, I know how serious influenza is--not just the regular flu, but actual influenza which affects the respiratory system.

well, I tested positive for it. Mark was immediately started on meds and we hoped for the best.

Three days later, about when I started feeling better, he started getting sick and I knew immediately and took him into the ER as I knew how serious this illness is. We're talking possibly deadly to immunocompromised patients like him.

He was seemingly doing pretty well and other than weak, wasn't doing too bad. On Valentine's Day at about 3, he had been up walking and cleaned up and although was very tired and weak, it was still encouraging.

I came in to see him an hour later to find him unresponsive and seizuring. Code blue was called. A living nightmare for me.

We're now at a higher care center where they are doing an EEG to check his brain waves and see if he continues to have seizures. So far he hasn't had any seizure activity. However, he's having trouble breathing on his own and has been intubated. We're currently trying to get that tube out as they are worried about his pneumonia worsening.

Things are touch and go. He'll do well only to go downhill.

Right now we don't have answers. The only thing they can figure out is that the seizure was his body's response to the influenza and pneumonia.

Please keep him in your prayers. Hannah hasn't seen him and has been staying with her babysitters and family and is doing ok. She'll mention once in awhile that "daddy is sick" and she misses mommy at night. :( She'll say she wants to go to "mommy's house". :( But overall she's handling things like a champ. I'm so proud of her tough, caring spirit. I miss her so, so much and my heart aches for my husband and daughter.

I've been with Mark since Friday afternoon and so anxious to get my family back together.

Thank you for your prayers, thoughts and encouragement.