Spilling the beans.....

Our doors are continuing to open and I'm ready to share more. Mostly because I'm just plain having a hard time keeping my mouth shut

I'm choosing to not use names to protect those involved.

First, we've had quite a few people offer to donate their eggs. I can't tell you how much that means to us. I know these people know what they are doing, what they have to go through to donate, the emotions, etc. and people have still offered. It means so much.

We've also had a couple want to create embryos for us. Again, it touches our heart so much.

These are options for us that we are so grateful for and we know they will always be there for us. It shows how much people care. Thank you for that.

And it doesn't end there. We have been so blessed with such wonderful friends in blogger land....that's you guys!

We have a friend who I've known for a long time and has been an amazing support both with our infertility struggles and Mark's health issues. She and her husband want to donate their embryos to us when things get a little more settled. Wow.

I'm sitting here trying to put into words what it means to us to be chosen....and I honestly can't come up with the words. I don't know if people truly understand the feeling of having someone offer to donate their embryos. To us, we feel like people are choosing us to raise their genetic children. To have someone choose us to trust to raise their children is such a true honor. I can't imagine being in their shoes and how much it takes to come to a decision like that. It truly is such an unbelievable honor and we take embrace it as a huge compliment.

We also have another friend who has offered to donate her embryos to us if a situation works out for her which could be awhile from now and wanted us to jump at a chance if something came up before then.

Again, such an honor and again, I'm at a loss for words to explain how it truly feels.

We also have yet another friend who contacted an adoption consultant regarding our situation and explained about Mark's health. To make a long story short, we've been in contact and the consultant has found a couple home study agencies that think Mark's health won't be much of an issue! Of course, we don't know for sure and anything can happen as there are still barriers, but meeting this consultant has been absolutely wonderful and so encouraging to us. This just literally fell into our laps and wouldn't be possible if it hadn't been for this friend.

And all this is possible because of the wonderful world of blogging. I absolutely love you guys.

Right now we are pursuing everything God has laid in our laps. We want the doors God has opened to either remain open or have God close the doors. We don't want to be the ones to close doors.

I admit, it is still very much in my heart to carry our baby...so much so. I want to experience pregnancy so badly. And at the same time, my heart is so open to adopting a baby if we can and helping a baby have a wonderful home.

Mark and I have talked and if it happens that we can adopt a baby and embryos and if I am pregnant while we are adopting, it would be a dream for us. Of course we know it wouldn't be easy but we have so much support.....so much. And like I said, if this is God's will, we will embrace that with open arms.

After all, we knew that was in the plan for Leah. :)

So, there ya go. That's the scoop. I've spilled the beans.

To those in the above groups, there are no words. I know I've said thank you a million times but I could say thank you until I'm blue in the face and it wouldn't be enough. I know God had a big hand in it and I want to thank you for following your heart and helping us and being the angels you are.

Our consult

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers today!! I know so many people were thinking and praying for us and that means a lot!

Our consult went so well. In fact, it couldn't have gone better.

The doctor was so nice and gave us a lot of information. They recommended a psychology appointment but it wasn't necessary. When I told him we had one when we got on the donor embryo list here, he said that was perfect, so we don't have to see one again. Yay!

Then, we found out the embryos were frozen individually! So, it's completely up to us if we want to transfer 1, 2 or 3. Yay! That was a HUGE relief to us as some may know and as their parents, we were so happy.

It was also optional if we wanted to get additional FDA testing done on Kami and Steve. They were already done when they did their IVF but if we wanted it repeated, we could...but didn't have to. Yay!

Their survival rate is about 70-80% and the chance of pregnancy with the FET is about 40-50%.

They kind of went through the protocol, but being it's still quite aways away, we didn't get too much into it. We explained that we wanted to for sure wait until Kami's twins were born and then go on with the FET. So, right now, we're looking at end of January/beginning of February, of course depending on how Kami and the girls do.

And we want Samantha and Mia to come out very healthy so we don't mind waiting as long as it takes. We just want Kami, Steve and the girls to be okay, healthy and happy. :)

They also gave us a name of a hotel nearby that gives discounts if you are a patient. I think she said it was $59 a night or something like that. Anytime we can get a discount is so sweet. :)

All the monitoring can be done here and they'll just fax the orders. They actually said we'll just need to go to MI for 2 days, the day before the transfer and the transfer and we can be on the plane that night. We're probably going to rest for a couple days after anyway and be somewhat on bed rest, but it's nice to know. Our clinic here requires bed rest.

Everything just went so well. It was so nice to have something sound so positive and so reassuring. And when I was talking to the nurse, she said to be sure to say hi to Kami and that she was thinking of her....I thought that was so sweet and very personable. My clinic is personable, too, but it's nice to know there are others out there too and others that also don't seem to be really hitting you up for money.

Thanks again you guys!! Thanks for your prayers and support! We are so happy and so grateful it went well and grateful for the prayers and friends. :) Love you all!

Update

Thank you all for the wonderful support the last few days. It has meant so much.

When we first found out, I was so angry. Angry because they made such a big mistake in not telling us about this and angry because once again, we had a hurdle and we couldn't catch a break. I was so angry that I just wanted to give up. My poor mom got the brunt of it and being the great mom she is, she just let me be angry. She tried to be positive and I just got mad and said "I don't want anybody being positive. I just want someone to be angry and tell me it's not fair. Why do we have to go through so much? Why do we always have the hurdles? We've been through enough!". And my mom agreed and listened which was exactly what I needed at that point. So, thank you Mom! I love you!!

Yesterday, I made some phone calls. I also was so fortunate to be able to e-mail Jen who is currently pregnant with twins from embryo adoption and she was soooo helpful and so sweet! Thank you Jen!! With her help and advice, I was able to get more down to the bottom of things.

I talked with a different nurse yesterday who did confirm that our embies needed to go to Reprotech. She said if it was too expensive or too much time, we could travel to MI for the transfer and be monitored here. I questioned it because if it was a federal law, wouldn't the embies have to go through the same thing at MI? She said that was a good question (of course it was) and put me on hold while she found out for sure.

After awhile, she came back on and told me that she found out it was actually a clinic policy and not a federal law (funny how when you really start questioning things, you get to the bottom of things). After Dr. Malo found out how much it was going to cost at Reprotech, he decided he would look into it more and see what he could do for us.

I also called the clinic in MI to see what they could do for us. They couldn't give much information because I wasn't a patient and I needed to establish myself as a patient there. Fortunately for us, they can do a phone consult so we have a phone consult set up for December 14 so we can get more information and find out what we have to do if we decide to do the transfer there. I don't think insurance will pay for that, but we are checking that out.

I was also fortunate to talk to Megan who is pregnant with her son through embryo donation. I gotta tell ya, talking to her made me feel soooo much better. She's also from MI and, although her clinic is different from Kami's, it sounds like MI state laws are pretty good and it seems actually a lot easier than my clinic. I do know clinics vary so it could be different at Kami's clinic, but it was awesome to talk to someone who was from the same state and having gone through the same thing. So, thank you Megan!!!

I do feel better now and more hopeful. I will feel a lot better after our phone consult, but knowing that there are options makes me feel better and knowing that we can probably work around this extra $4000 makes me feel better.

Right now we're leaning towards doing the transfer in MI. We were planning on going to MI anyway to meet Kami, Steve and their girls so this would work. We mostly wanted the transfer in a comfortable setting with our own doctor and be able to rest in our own home....but we can get around it. And traveling is soooo tough on Mark which is why we wanted to avoid that as much as possible, but it's okay. Plus, my sweet mom has offered to come with us to the transfer to help out. Then I won't worry so much about Mark and she can help keep me stress-free which will really be nice. I feel bad as she works part-time. It really means a lot to me that she can go with though. It really does. I told you I have the BEST mom!

I'm really not sure how this would work out with work which is a big concern for me. But, like I said before, a FET is much easier to schedule and work around than an IVF cycle so we can plan it out more, so I'm hoping I'll get enough advanced notice so work will be easier to get off.

And Mark has been absolutely wonderful the last couple days. He let me be mad Wednesday night and let me scream and gave me hugs at the right time. Yesterday, while I was working and calling clinics and stuff, he did the laundry, the dishes, started the potatoes for supper and took care of Peyton while I was talking to Megan. Some people are probably thinking "well, duh, a husband should do that while you're doing all that". But with Mark and his health issues, it's so tough on him to do stuff and he gets so tired out. Even just carrying the laundry basket up the stairs, he gets so winded to the point that he has to stop for a few minutes to catch his breath. It's really hard on him. So, when he does this stuff for me, I know he's giving 200%. He really is the best husband and he's going to be the best daddy. He already is the best uncle. :)

Okay, so I know this got long. I'm sorry! Thanks for reading this to the end if you did! You deserve a cookie. :)

I know I'm behind on blogs and I plan to catch up and comment on them! You're not forgotten! Thank you again for all your support and prayers. We sure appreciate them and would appreciate more as our consult comes up.

((((HUGS))))

Our FET consult

Dear Three Musketeers,

Today was our first step in bringing you home! We’ve been looking forward to this appointment for quite awhile. Your daddy couldn’t stop talking about it a couple days ago. I was a little worried about him this morning, though. He didn’t get any sleep because he had some nerve pain and wasn’t feeling good all night. He probably got just a couple hours of sleep…I think he’s practicing for when you guys come. :)Anyway, I told him he could stay home but I knew he wouldn’t and I was right. He said nothing would keep him away. He loves you guys so much.

Everything went so well. I was going to take a picture of your daddy before we went into the clinic, but he seemed kind of tired and a little crabby so I decided not to. I thought if I put the camera in his face, he might throw it on the ground and I kind of want to keep it so I decided against the picture (probably a wise decision).

So, we got in there and discussed our plans. Dr. Malo thought a February transfer would probably work out! We were very happy. He needs to have some records from Kami’s office to see how you guys were frozen and the protocol her clinic used to see how we proceed with our transfer. Then, we, Kami and Steve have to meet with the same psychologist we’ve had to meet with twice now and who we really don’t care for. Here we thought we were all done with her but I guess we were wrong. But, we’d do anything for you guys so it’s a small price to pay! Once we see her and we get the records and the protocol, it sounds like things will get going! We can’t wait to meet you guys!

Dr. Malo said he was very “optimistic”. Do you know what that means? It means he’s pretty hopeful this could work! He said that twice which makes us so happy. He said it sounds like we have 3 very good embryos. We looked at each other and nodded. We know how special you guys are and no one has to tell us how good you are.

He said how special of a gift this is and we couldn’t agree more. He said Kami and Steve must be pretty special people. Of course they are! You guys are so lucky! You have a genetic mommy, genetic daddy, biological mommy and a birth father who love you so much! Not too many people have 2 daddies and 2 mommies who love them that much.

We did have one funny thing happen while we were there. Daddy thought it was so funny. I asked Dr. Malo if he could call in some medication for me as we had hit our deductible for the year and I wanted to get the medication now instead of later. Dr. Malo said he couldn’t do that and said it would be insurance fraud. Then he left the office. I looked at your daddy and I told him he was probably going to have me arrested for trying to commit fraud and that the police were going to come and get me. Daddy laughed and said I worry too much. Dr. Malo did come back and I apologized for asking him that. He laughed and said I was only the 4000th patient who has asked him that so it wasn’t a big deal. Daddy thought it was kind of funny, though.

And we had no frozen puke this time! (to read the story on that, click here).

We also did talk a little bit about the transfer, but not a lot as he needs more information. He gave us a little booklet about transfers. It also sounds like he will be very supportive about what we want to do and how many of you guys we want to transfer which is a big relief to your daddy and I. That was very important to us.

We are so anxious to meet you guys! We can’t believe it’s starting to come together!

We love you guys so much and we have so much to be thankful for.

Love,

Mommy

An interesting article about donated eggs/embryos

Lately I've been racking my brain (I know, scary) and I've been trying to figure out how to explain this all to our child. I know, jumping the gun a little. I mean, that's quite aways away. But, I find myself a little confused as to how to explain it to others myself when people ask. People that I explain it to seem confused and I guess I can't really blame them.

So, how do I define Mark and I in the "parenting role" and how do I define Kami and Steve? We will always be completely honest with our child/children and we will always want them to know how they came about and the wonderful role Kami and Steve had.

Then I came across this article and found my answer. I am the biological mother, Mark is the birth father and Kami and Steve are the genetic mother and father.

I wanted to share this with you in hopes that it will help someone else:

Freedom Pharmacy published this great booklet about egg donation -- here an excerpt:

“Perhaps the greatest myth surrounds pregnancy. Many believe the uterus is simply an incubator. Nothing could be further from the truth. The most important aspect of all pregnancies- including egg donation pregnancies- is that as the fetus grows, every cell in the developing body is built out of the pregnant mother’s body. Tissue from her uterine lining will contribute to the formation of the placenta, which will link her and her child. The fetus will use her body’s protein, then she will replace it. The fetus uses her sugars, calcium, nitrates, and fluids, and she will replace them. So, if you think of your dream child as your dream house, the genes provide merely a basic blueprint, the biological mother takes care of all the materials and construction, from the foundation right on up to the light fixtures. So, although her husband’s aunt Sara or the donor’s grandfather may have genetically programmed the shape of the new baby’s earlobe, the earlobe itself is the pregnant woman’s “flesh and blood.” That means the earlobe, along with the baby herself, grew from the recipient’s body. That is why she is the child’s biological mother. That is why this child is her biological child.”

I also found some other interesting points in this article:

•A study in New Scientist suggests that sense of humor is a learned trait, influenced by family and cultural environment, and not genetically determined. (This isn't so good. With our sense of humor, this most definitely would've been better genetically determined....right, Mom? :))

In a donor egg pregnancy, the pregnant woman’s womb is the environment.It is her genes, not the donor’s, that determine the expression of thedonor-egg baby’s genes.

A donor egg baby gets her genes from the donor; she gets the‘instructions’ on the expression of those genes from the woman who carries her to term.

The child who is born would have been a physically & no doubt emotionally different person if carried by his genetic mother.

In horse breeding for example, it’s not uncommon to implant a pony embryo into the womb of a horse.
The foals that result, are different from normal ponies.They’re bigger. These animals’ genotype – their genes – are the same as a pony’s, but their phenotype – what their genes actually look like in the living animal – is different.

Questions answered from Kathryn

My dear friend, Kathyrn, asked a couple very good questions that I would like to answer:

Your intro post reminded me that I wanted to ask you... are you guys going to transfer all three at once? One and then later another? Two and save one?
This is a very good question and one we've thought about. My clinic told me when we did our IVF a year ago that they never transfer more than 2, so we know we won't be transferring more than 2. We'd like to transfer 2 and save 1 for later. I can assure you every single embryo will be given the chance of life and that is something Mark and I feel very strongly about.

The thing is I'm sure our doctor will want to "thaw" all 3 and take the best 2. We are definitely not for this option and I'll tell you why.

Mark and I consider these 3 embryos our babies, our adopted children. In our hearts, they are lives. So for us to pick the "best 2" isn't even an option. We would rather transfer 2 no matter how good they survive the thaw. I'm sure not all doctors agree with the "life" belief we share, but I can tell you that we will fight tooth and nail to have 2 thawed and 2 transferred no matter what. These are our babies and it's in God's hands if they continue to grow in my uterus or not....not up to the doctors.

Mark and I have talked about this and it's something we feel so strong about.

Am I too personal with my questions? Absolutely not! :) I'm completely an open book and I love to answer any questions you have. If anyone has any questions at all, please ask! I know donor embryos/eggs are not a common subject and not too knowledgable so if anyone has questions, please ask!

Thanks so very much Kathryn for asking and caring so much! It means a lot!!

The news.....

I’m sorry to keep everyone in the dark! I’ve been trying to figure out how to put this into words as words just can’t express the miracle.

WE HAVE EMBRYOS!

That’s right! As most know, Kami is pregnant with twins. She has 3 perfect 4AA blasts in storage. She and her gracious husband, Steve, have given her embryos to us. Even though they insist we can take them now which is so sweet, we’re insisting we wait until she gives birth to her precious twins. Even if heaven forbid something happens with this pregnancy, they will still only be using 1 of the embryos and we’ll still get 2.

So, as of right now, Mark and I are the proud parents of 3 perfect embryos and soon we will be able to try a FET! I’m already so much in love with them and I think about them all the time.

This is so amazing to us. I do realize that anything can happen, but I know God open doors along the way and even though sometimes they can close, there is always a reason that door is opened.

Please keep Kami and Steve in your prayers and they continue with this pregnancy and that they continue to be okay with their decision as we certainly don’t want hurt feelings or regrets. Kami and Steve, your precious decision as given us so much hope and love and we can’t express how much it means to us. I’ve sat here for 15 minutes trying to figure out what to say to you guys but honestly, words just can’t express it. We will always love you for the precious gift you have given us.

And again, I know anything can happen and no matter what, I feel like God is using me in this ministry and I am so honored He is using me, no matter what the outcome.

Thank you to all for all your support and love. You guys are the best.

Just as an FYI, at this point, we aren't telling our family and friends, just the blog world. If they happen to read my blog, that's okay, but not many people know much about donated/adopted embryos and so we would rather tell those who understand. We certainly aren't ashamed of this at all, just don't feel a lot of people know the process or situation. So, if anyone knows me on Face.book or my.space, please keep this quiet. :) Thank you!!

Graduation and the psychologist appointment

There have been some events in my life that I have prayed for the Rapture to occur before they happen and the graduation and our psychologist appointment were definitely two of those events.

Obviously God didn't listen to me.

But, both went well! Much better than I had anticipated. Of course I wanted to see Chad graduate...it was just knowing I'd be spending an afternoon with the ex that wasn't exactly on my top 10 things I wanted to do that afternoon. Luckily, it was our Peyton day Friday so we had her. Having Peyton around just automatically makes you smile.

When we walked into the gym, I saw Peter waving at us from the front row. It looked like he was waving us up to sit with them, so we went up there. There were 2 empty seats right next to the ex. I asked if they were saving them for us. She said "No, but you can have them if you want." I said "Okay. Thanks.". What I really wanted to say was Well, no, we'd rather not. We'll go sit in the far back. Obviously I couldn't say that and we sat down.

It actually went well. At one point we even joked together about the very overweight woman in front of us who had spandex on and seriously looked like they were painted on (I was going to take a picture of her, but thought it would look a little wierd of me to be taking pictures of her, ya know?). Peyton also was a helpful distraction. :) So, it was a successful afternoon.

Here are some pictures. Some are a little blurry. I don't know what happened, but I was disappointed. :(


Chad walking in. The minute Peyton saw him, she screamed "I SEE CHAD!". :) It was pretty cute.

Chad getting his diploma.

Chad and Mark. Mark wanted to try on the cap. :)

Chad's mom, Chad and Mark

Peter, Chad and Mark. We did inform Peter after this picture was taken that he was inside and as far as we knew, there was no sun in the building.

Mark and Peyton

Peyton

I realized later that I never got a picture of me. :( It's okay with me but it would've been nice to have had one with the graduate.


Then, at the psychologist appointment, things went much better than I thought they would. The last time I left crying and this time, I left with tears in my eyes, but for a MUCH different reason. I was just so happy and so relieved that we were FINALLY doing something for our peanut! I felt like I was finally being a good mother as we were making a step towards getting our peanut home.

We had arrived there about 10 minutes early and the building was completely locked up. We ended up sitting in the car while it was pouring rain (it was pouring rain the last time we saw her, too....maybe not a good sign) and she finally showed up at 4 minutes to 9 when our appointment was 9. When she went in, we waited about a minute later and went in and sat in the waiting room. Then we heard the vacuum going in her office. Both Mark and I looked at each other and kind of laughed. I don't know why....just seemed kind of wierd to be vacuuming a couple minutes before seeing somebody. I had to go to the bathroom and I asked Mark if he thought I had time. He said "Oh, yeah. She's gotta dust yet.". Mark can always make me smile. :)

She basically just asked questions like why were were going ahead with donor embryos, what we would tell the child, etc. When she would turn around, Mark would wipe his finger on the table, acting like he was checking for dust. :) It was so funny!

She told us of a great donor embryo clinic in TN where it's a frozen embryo adoption program, no waiting list, and a 54% success rate which is TWICE the national average which is awesome! You would only need to travel there twice and it's about $7000-10000 (that's including the home study). Unfortunately with the home study, she said with Mark's health issues, that could be an issue which I kind of knew, so that's not a good option for us. But, if anyone would like the info, definitely let me know! I can give it to you as that is a great opportunity!

I'm just so happy to finally be doing something! WE'RE GOING TO BE ON A WAITING LIST!!! Yeah, it could be 2 years, but God is in control! I have so much calmness over me right now. It's all in God's hands and what is meant to be is meant to be and I'm okay with it.

I'm just happy to be going forward! It's one little step, but you can't move forward without taking steps. :)

Thank you sooooo much everyone for your thoughts and prayers! You definitely helped!!! Thank you!!!!!

Happy Birthday Rachel and TTC update

First of all, head over to Rachel and wish her a happy birthday! She's a very special friend of mine and she's got a heart of gold. I hope she has a great birthday. Happy birthday, Rach! I love ya!

I realized that I wasn't too informative about our TTC efforts in the last post and I wanted to let everyone know what was going on.

I decided I was tired of not doing anything and not really knowing what to do. I wanted to do SOMETHING at least. I've been checking out studies all the time, just in case and I've been checking out clinics with donor embryo waiting lists to see how long of a list they are. All of them seem to be the same...a couple years and you have to be an established patient.

With Mark's health and my work situation, we've decided that traveling just isn't a real good idea right now. Technically, with our trip in February, my "unplanned" PTO is such that if they really wanted to get rid of me, they could. So, I don't want to give them another reason to let me go. So, we've decided traveling just isn't going to work for us.

So, in order to get on the list at our clinic, we need to see the psychologist (the same one who made me cry last fall :(). After we see her, we will be on the list. We were kind of putting this on the back burner as I really didn't want to see her, plus our clinic seems to be twice as expensive for frozen transfers as others. But, now, we've decided to go ahead and at least get on the list. Then I will feel better at least knowing we're doing something.

And who knows what will happen in the next couple years. Maybe I'll win the lottery and we can do as many IVF cycles as we want....okay, so I have to buy a ticket in order for that to happen. Anything can happen and it can happen so fast. But, this way we will at least know we're doing something.

So, we see the psychologist on June 6. Then once she gets the report to the doctor, we'll be able to get on the list. :) I hope God provides for us sooner rather than later, but I know it's in His hands and I trust Him.

So, there ya go. :) We would appreciate any and all prayers. Thank you!