Hannah's first haircut

I had been dreading Hannah's first haircut since the day she was born. To me it just makes her so "old".

So making the appointment wasn't the easiest but she has always had a hard time keeping bows and clips in and her bangs were always in her eyes. So it was time.

It really wasn't as bad as this mom thought. In fact I think she looks so cute now and I'm happy we did it. We got to save some of her hair and also got a "first haircut" certificate. So cute!

Here she is before the haircut

Here she is at the salon



Love this. :) This was a "for fun" picture :)



Cutting her bangs



The after picture of the front :)



The side and back



Hannah enjoying her sucker for being such a good girl

Hannah did so well at the haircut! I was so proud of her. She just sat there and let them do whatever they wanted. They said usually babies will sit there and just cry but Hannah was so well-behaved and they were very impressed which made this momma very proud. :)

So another milestone gone for Hannah. :( But I have to say she is such a beautiful girl and the haircut looks so cute. :)

I won't be this small

A friend sent this to me and I LOVE it. I had to share it:

I won't always cry, Mommy,
When you leave the room,
and my supermarket tantrums,
Will end too soon.
I won't always wake, Daddy,
For cuddles through the night,
and one day you'll miss
Having a chocolate face to wipe.
You won't always wake to find my foot
Is kicking you out of bed,
Or find me sideways on your pillow
Where you want to lay your head.
You won't always have to carry me,
In asleep from the car,
Or piggy back me down the road,
When my little legs can't walk that far.
So cherish every cuddle,
Remember them all.
Because one day, Mommy,
I won't be this small.

14 months

Once again my mommy is just a little behind here. I turned 14 months old almost a week ago and she just took my 14 month pictures yesterday.

Oh, mommy, mommy, mommy......

So, in order to get these pictures up before I turn 18, I decided to go ahead and do it myself again.

To be honest, getting monthly pictures done is a little harder now. I'm very active and just don't like to sit still. I think Mommy's glad she's no longer taking weekly pictures and just monthly pictures.

Here is the picture taking session.  First I wanted to get to the piece of paper:

Then I wanted to give the bear a hug:

Then I just wanted to lay on the bear:

Finally I cooperated enough to get a somewhat good picture:

Yeah, I'm not the most cooperative little girl anymore.

Not much has changed since the last month. I'm helping a little more around the house now.  When we get out of the car, I help shut the door. I also help open the shades to our windows in the morning and help shut them at night. I'm trying to help earn my keep around here.

I'm getting much closer and more brave regarding walking! I stand by myself without any support for a long time now which is much more brave than I used to be. Daddy saw me take a couple steps alone and so did Peyton but Mommy says it doesn't count until she sees it. She can be so demanding.

I hope you are all doing well and loving my pictures! I'm cute, aren't I? :)

Next post will be pictures of my first haircut! That's right, I got a haircut!

Love to you all! I'm off to pull all the pots and pans out of the kitchen drawers for Mommy

A letter written by my Dad

I know this is a very controversial subject but this is something that is important to me and I am so honored and proud of my dad for writing this letter into the local paper this past week....so proud. I want Hannah to know how important this is to us and how my dad has tried so hard to reach people about this subject. This is his second letter of this kind.

Eventually I want to put this blog into a book for Hannah so I wanted it here as it is an important part of her journey as well.

I can't apologize for posting this and offending someone as that is not the intention and if I lose readers, I guess that's the way it is.  This is the way I feel and so glad my dad feels the same way.  With all due respect, if anyone leaves any rude comments, they will  be deleted and I won't be responding to any comments either. :)   I respect your opinions and views so I just ask you respect mine please!

Here is the letter my dad wrote:

In 1973, the Roe v. Wade legalized murder. Our nation has been in a decline ever since that ruling. As Mother Teresa told the Clinton Administration, “Any nation that did not protect its children from the violence of abortion would not be able to protect its citizens from the violence of the streets”. How prophetic is that today. We, as citizens of the United States, have failed our unborn.

Matthew 19:14 says “Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these”. God is holding each aborted child in His arms and has to answer their question “Why?”. They were chosen to be killed before they had the chance to defend themselves.

We should be ashamed voting presidents, congressmen, senators and even our local members who think pro-choice is okay. We selfishly vote for our own wants instead of voting for the unborn, the unborn who aren’t able to speak their wants.

Our dollar reads “In God We Trust”. I see no trust in God in this sinful nation. Let’s put God first again as it was in the beginning. Let’s give our lives and our country back to our loving Lord Jesus Christ.

Two very special people

When we were bringing Hannah home, little did I know just how much we had to do and how much others would be involved in bringing her home.

Shortly after we started applying to agencies, we needed letters of recommendation. It seemed we needed letters from everyone down to our mother's aunt's cousin's half-brother.  Okay, not really, but they really wanted a lot it seemed.

Our interim pastor came shortly before we started applying and we needed a pastor's recommendation right away. We were kinda panicking as this new pastor didn't know us at all so we weren't sure how it was going to go.

We ended up meeting together and we told them how we became Christians, our struggles and our involvement in church. And then came the surprise....they had adopted 2 girls from Korea themselves!

We instantly felt a connection and they were so nice to not only write up whatever we needed but if we needed more they were more than willing to do it. Obviously adoption was in their hearts.

Then when we were matched and I gave them the news, I don't think they could've been more excited for us. Oh, they were thrilled.  And then I hit them with the story and the news that we needed $10,000 in a month. I remember telling Pastor I had no clue how we were going to do it and we needed help.  Pastor prayed with me and then said "We're going to bring your daughter home, Tammy".  I'll never forget it.

They did so much to help with the benefit and advertise it as much as they could. They were so excited for us and thought the benefit was so much fun. And he made good on his promise.  Our daughter came home.

And then Pastor was able to do the most amazing thing.  He dedicated our Hannah to the Lord on Easter Sunday 2012 for us.  I wouldn't have wanted anyone else to do it.

Shortly after Christmas this year, we got a new pastor which meant our interim pastor was leaving. It was bittersweet to us. We had them over for supper the other night and we reminsced about Hannah and the miracle she is.  Then Pastor told us that he had Hannah's picture and story from the paper on the bulletin board in the Pastor's study at church as one of the miracles that has happened at our church.  Now that to me was a huge honor. Hannah will always be remembered as a miracle that happened at our church.  That's my girl!

People will come and go in your lives and it's important to cherish people as you never know when they will have to leave.  Pastor and his wife came at an amazing time when we needed them so much and we will always cherish them and how much they did to help bring our daughter home.

Me and my girl

One of my favorite pictures!  Love her so much!

I'll say it again...

How beautiful!

How beautiful

My "unfair" life

I get asked a lot if I ever get upset that I’ve had to go through so much. If I ever wonder why my life is so unfair and why others don’t have to struggle.

Of course I do.

I have my moments where I get so angry because I’ve been dealt such a hard hand, not only with the infertility but also with Mark’s health issues. I watch others seemingly go through life without a struggle and they seem to have everything going for them. Just exactly how fair is that?

But I also feel I’m the one who has been given a gift, a gift that only people who do struggle often can see.

I don’t believe in “luck” or “coincidence”. I really don’t. I believe there is God’s way and His help. I used to look back at my life and think of moments when things just “happened”, whether I was lucky or a “weird coincidence” or something. Now I honestly believe that it wasn’t a coincidence, but God’s hand in the situation. And I really don’t think I would realize that had things been so easy for me. I think it takes a struggle to realize that God is there. And I truly believe that’s why people struggle.

I can go on and on about many moments in my life where I’ve felt God’s presence and His help. Some people would call it coincidences but I don’t. I believe I’ve seen angels, witnessed God’s helping hand and I’m more than honored to share. These are moments I wouldn’t have experienced had I not been struggling.

Here are a few of my favorites of when I believe I witnessed angels and/or God’s helping hand:

1. Right after Mark had his kidney transplant, he had a breathing tube down his throat. He was very uncomfortable and suffering with it in. He was miserable and therefore I was miserable. I had gone to an elevator and pushed the button to go down. No one was around me and I was crying. I got in the elevator and pushed the floor button when all of a sudden an arm stopped the elevator door and someone came in. I refused to make eye contact as I was crying. When the doors closed, I heard a female voice ask “How are you?”. I looked up, faked a smile and said “I’m okay. How are you?”. With the biggest, most radiant smile I’ve ever seen, and will never forget, the lady said “I just had a double lung transplant. Life is great. God is great!”. The elevator then opened and she walked out. At that moment I felt an inner peace that Mark would be okay. God really had His hand in the situation. I truly believe that lady was sent to help me through a difficult time. She was my angel.

2. Shortly after we lost our babies in 2011 I had a very good friend who had literally lifted me up during a really hard time. I wanted to show her just how much I appreciated her and so I sent her flowers. Yeah, weird that after I had lost the babies, I was sending someone else flowers but I felt a strong urge to send flowers to let her know just how much I appreciated her. She has an autistic son who had been struggling. When she got the flowers, her son smelled them and started crying. He started talking and describing sad events that he had never talked about before. He said he felt so much better being able to talk about these events finally. He couldn’t explain it but he said it was the smell of the flowers that reminded him of these events and helped him to open up. My friend couldn’t believe the breakthrough he had. They work with him through scents now and he is doing much better and it was all because of the flowers I sent.

3. As many know, I always wanted to be pregnant and carry. I wanted that more than anything. But after our first FET, I knew the dream was slim. We had gotten on the list at our clinic for embryos but had been told it would be 2 years so we gave up on my dream of carrying and started the adoption process and the home study, knowing money was an issue and we had to choose. Only 3 months later (not the 2 years) in December 2010, we got news that we would get embryos! We put the adoption process on hold and did a FET in April 2011. That was the cycle I got the positive pregnancy test, a dream of mine. Of course we know I miscarried. But had we not gotten the embryos and just went with the adoption, money would’ve been a huge issue and I know we wouldn’t have gone through with another round of FET. God answered my prayer of being pregnant with a positive test. I can honestly have peace about being pregnant and having my dream. I believe God had that helping hand in having our wait suddenly be 3 months rather than 2 years.

4. And this is honestly my favorite. We all know Hannah’s story. We were told of her situation but because of finances, we declined to submit our profile. We declined twice actually. The agency submitted our profile anyway. We were told later that they were positive I called and stated we changed our minds and that we were going to submit our profile. No matter how much I tried to convince them I didn’t call they were adamant I did. I know an angel called. Another example of God’s helping hand.

These are only 4 of many times that I’ve witnessed miracles or what others call “coincidences”. I won’t bore you with all of them. :) These are times that I otherwise wouldn’t have experienced had I not been struggling. I consider it all blessings. I mean, I got to witness the miracle of a transplant! An organ from another human being was put into my husband so he could live! A miracle! And I got to experience God’s helping hand in providing $10,000 in one month to help bring Hannah home. A feat we thought impossible but proved to us that NOTHING is impossible with God.

So, yes, of course, I wonder why I have to struggle at times and have this “unfair” life. But those struggles have led me to experience wonderful, amazing events and miracles that I know I otherwise wouldn’t have experienced. And God chose ME to experience those and be able to share with all of you.

Coincidence? I think not.

New blog list

I'm currently in the process of cleaning house and making a new blog list. I found I had way too many blogs in my feed, many of which were no longer in use or updated more than a year ago.

So far I've gone from 164 blogs to 35. I think lots of people have resorted to FB now rather than blogging which in all honesty makes me kinda sad. :(

But I wanted to make sure I'm not missing anyone! If you're a regular follower of my blog and have a blog yourself and you don't see yours listed to the right, PLEASE, PLEASE let me know and I will definitely add you! I WANT to. :)

I'm especially interested in those with babies Hannah's age (I love to compare and see beautiful pics), adoption blogs and those who have traveled and prayed with me through our journey. So if you know of any good blogs, too, I'd LOVE to hear about them too. :)

Please let me know if you're following me as I love to hear from you! Again, please let me know if you have a blog! I LOVE reading blogs and was so sad to realize so many people have stopped blogging. :( Don't always have the time to read or blog but LOVE to when I can.

Thank you again for following our journey and all your prayers, love and support to bring home our miracle baby. She wouldn't be here without your help and I want to thank you!

Many hugs!!

The perfect picture.....

of Hannah's spit talent

Hannah's 1-year pics

Here are a few of Hannah's 1-year pictures.

Isn't she oozing adorableness? :)