After 7 years of a strong desire for a baby...
5 years of treatment including 12 IUIs, 1 failed IVF, 1 failed FET and at least 8 angel babies,
WE ARE PREGNANT!!!!
The beta came back at 18!!! I'm going in on Wednesday to make sure it keeps going up.
Please, please, please continue to pray for us!
Words can't honestly express thanks enough for your support, love and prayers.
We love you all!
We want to thank you all again for your wonderful support and prayers throughout our transfer journey. It is such a joy and blessing to have the family and friends we have.
As a reminder, our beta test to see if the babies stay with us or become angels in heaven is this coming Monday, April 18. This happens to be my birthday. Last year during our transfer, we also had my beta on my birthday with heartbreaking results. As you can imagine, we have had a flood of emotions.
Please join us in prayer this weekend as we wait for the beta on Monday. Please pray for the babies and their lives, that they continue to grow inside me and we get to hold them in our arms and share them with you all in 9 months. Please pray in thanks for the gift He has given us and pray this journey gives Him the glory He deserves.
Please join us once again for an hour of prayer SUNDAY night, APRIL 17 at 7 p.m. CST as we prepare for the beta.
With all our love,
Mark and Tammy
I want to thank everyone soooo much for your wonderful support, prayers, emails, etc. Wow. You guys are so supportive and it truly means a lot.
I wish I could answer all the emails and posts but I just can't, but I want you to know I read every single one and I appreciate all the prayers and good thoughts so very much.
I want to answer the questions I've been asked the most:
How are you feeling? Are you having any symptoms? I'm feeling great! I feel like I'm pregnant with twins and I'm enjoying it as much as I can. As far as symptoms, we all know that as you go through this journey, you can have every symptom in the book and still not be pregnant and you can have no symptoms and be pregnant....I've been there so much. And with the progesterone shots I'm on, that also can cause symptoms. So, I've had things going on with my body but I'm definitely not reading into anything at all and right now focusing on the fact that I'm pregnant with twins right now!
Are you going to test/POAS? No. I don't even have the sticks. I can't do it. I know some people won't understand that and I know all about how if it's negative, there's still hope....I've been there many times. Even with a negative test knowing there is still hope, it takes a lot away from the moment. I just want to enjoy this time as much as possible and enjoy the quiet time with my babies while I know for sure that I am pregnant with twins.
Wow...I love typing that....I'm pregnant with twins!
So, until the 18th, we will just take pride that I am pregnant with twins and the gift that God has given to us.
Thank you again for all your support!!
I want to present to you our 2 precious babies:
Aren't they beautiful? :)
Dear Walnut, Wingnut and Whynut (yes, we changed your name, Whynut. Washernut just didn't sound right and a friend wanted to name the third baby and came up with Whynut...why, we don't know, and we promise if you stay with us, we'll come up with a better name. That goes for all of you!),
How do I begin to tell you the day you came into our lives?
We left our house at 9:30 in the morning. Here we are before the big day!
Mommy and Grandma (just a little fuzzy...Daddy took the picture :))
Mommy with her Baby on Board shirt she got from her good friend, Michelle. I was so proud to wear it!
Mommy and Daddy. We can't wait to meet you!
Your big brother, Doogie
Your Daddy...he's a little tired.
We then had to stop at the post office as I was waiting for some lucky socks from my dear friend, AG, and as of Wednesday, they still hadn't come. I had called to have the mail on Thursday held so we could pick it up that morning and I was so happy that they came! Yay! I had my lucky socks!! Thanks so much AG!!
Then we were officially on our way!
At 10:15, Grandma and I switched driving because I had to take some medicine to help me relax. We didn't think it would affect me so fast, but within 5 minutes I felt very relaxed. I was definitely feeling it and we all had a good laugh about it.
We got to the office and went in and checked in.
Mommy and Daddy
Mommy and her lucky socks!
It wasn't long before they called us back. I told the nurse I was feeling real good with the medicine and she said lots of people had strong reactions to it. That made me feel better.
The nurse brought us back to a room where we all got dressed in scrubs.
Grandma's shoes and my lucky socks :)
Grandma
Waiting for the nurse to come back
Mommy on the phone...I was on the phone a lot
When we were all dressed, the nurse came back in and talked about all the things I needed to do after the transfer to keep you safe and warm in my tummy. And believe me, I was going to do anything.
Then the doctor came in and handed me the most beautiful picture and said "I hope this is the first of your baby pictures!". It took my breath away to see 2 of you. You were right there in front of me! Of course I was sad that I only saw 2 and not 3, but I know you're in heaven with Jesus and I can't wait until the day we meet in person.
(I will show the picture soon. The scanner isn't working quite right right now...go figure. :()
After we signed the paperwork, the nurse took us back to the room where 2 of you would be transferred into my tummy. It was so amazing. They had a screen that we could see everything on. It was amazing to watch it all happen.
When the transfer was done, they had me lay there for 10 minutes and then had me get up to go to the bathroom. I had to have a full bladder for the transfer and I really had to pee. But I was so afraid to. I was afraid you guys would fall out or I would hurt you if I did. The nurse assured me you guys would be okay.
After I peed very quick (probably the fastest I've ever peed in my life), I went into the Recovery Room where I laid for half an hour. I was still so drowsy from the medication so I mostly just laid there and rested.
And talked on the phone....of course.
Then we were able to go home!
Once we got home, I went straight to bed. I didn't want to risk doing anything to hurt you guys. I spent the next 3-1/2 days laying in bed while your daddy did so much to help us. Your daddy did a wonderful job taking care of us. I hope you'll be able to see in person what a wonderful daddy you have.
I love you babies! Your daddy loves you! I can't tell you how much you're wanted here. Do you know how many people are praying for you guys? People from all over the world. You guys aren't just our babies....you belong to so many wonderful people who love you so much.
I hope to meet you in 9 months.
I love you with all my heart and soul.
Love,
Mommy
We want to thank you so much for all your thoughts and prayers! It means a lot to us.
We just found out this morning that our embryos will undergo the thaw this afternoon. We won’t find out until tomorrow morning how they are growing. We were hoping to find out today but unfortunately we’ll be finding out tomorrow. We’re anxious, excited parents waiting to hear how our babies are doing.
Another sleepless night.
Our transfer has been set for 11:15 tomorrow morning when we will undergo the transfer of our beautiful babies that survive the thaw.
Please continue to pray for the thaw this afternoon and for our babies. Please say a special prayer for us tomorrow at 11:15 in the morning, CST.
We are so blessed to have the support and family and friends that we do and are so honored to share this journey with you.
With much love,
Mark and Tammy
I want to start out by saying thank you for all your prayers, well wishes, thoughts, etc. It truly means so much to me.
Thank you.
We started the PIO injections on Saturday. Mark’s been doing a wonderful job giving them to me, although it bothers him to do it. He hates seeing me hurting and hates the fact that he causes the pain. He’s so sweet. I did tell him not to worry as it doesn’t hurt that bad and it doesn’t hurt at all to fart or poop.
He just shook his head. Nothing I say shocks him anymore, though.
I’ve had a lot of people tell me how they hope it works this time and how they hope it’s all worth it.
I tell people “It already is worth it”.
I understand totally where people are coming from and what they mean. But, honestly, to me, I feel like I’m doing all this for my babies, babies that were given to me as a gift both from God and from an anonymous couple. I’ve been chosen to give these babies a precious chance at life and whether they go straight up to heaven or stay here on Earth, I gave them that chance and I’m willing to do anything to do that.
I’d do and give anything for my babies.
Not to say I wouldn’t be devastated if they didn’t survive the thaw or if the transfer “didn’t work”. Of course I would. But, no matter what, I know my babies will be okay and every shot, pill, dollar, etc. is worth it and no matter what, it “worked”.
I’m a mommy with 3 precious babies.
I’m so blessed.
Today was our butt appointment. Yes, they drew circles on my buttocks.
And poor Peyton had to miss it. :(
The good news is that everything looks great! Right away, she looks at my lining and says “That looks like the perfect home for some embryos!”
Awww, warmed my heart and of course brought tears to my eyes.
We start the progesterone in oil shots tomorrow...which Mark is not looking forward to at all and to be honest, neither am I, but anything for the babies.
The plan is that the embryos will be thawed out Wednesday and the embryologist will be calling with news on the embryo growth and time of transfer on Wednesday.
Below is an email I sent to my family and friends that I would also like to post here as I definitely consider you guys my friends. :)
Dear friends and family,
As you may know, we recently adopted 3 embryos and we are currently undergoing a cycle for a potential transfer of the embryos. As of today, April 1, we have gotten the green light to go ahead with the transfer which is tentatively scheduled for April 7.
This process is a delicate process for the embryos and timing of the transfer is critical. Throughout this process we will be requesting your prayers during the most critical and delicate times and sharing this journey with you.
On Wednesday, April 6, our embryos will undergo the thaw in preparation for the transfer. They only have a 70% chance of surviving the thaw and continuing to grow. We are asking that you join us in an HOUR OF PRAYER between 8 and 9 p.m. on TUESDAY, APRIL 5 for our embryos , that at least one will survive the thaw, that we would be able to undergo a transfer and I will have the opportunity of being pregnant. And for the embryos that do not survive the thaw, pray in thanks for their beautiful lives and the glory that they have brought to us.
We thank you from the bottom of our hearts for your prayers and support.
Mark and Tammy
Dear Lupron,
Yesterday was your last visit with me. I have to say, I am relieved you have left. You weren’t as bad to me as you are to other women, but you did give me the occasional headache and irritability and gave me a couple horrible bruises. Although I was excited when you came to visit, I have to admit, I am relieved that you are gone now.
However, if you help me bring the baby I so desire, I will forgive you for your side effects and I will be forever grateful for your help. I know without you, my dream of a baby wouldn’t be a reality so for that, I’m grateful you came to visit.
Thank you for your assistance in this journey and thank you for being nicer to me than you have to other women. I sincerely appreciate that.
Sincerely,
Tammy
Thinking's not good. At least not for me.
I've been asked a lot lately how I'm feeling and if I'm excited.
You'll get different answers depending on when you ask me.
At times I'm excited. So eager to have the transfer and have this opportunity again.
At times I'm sad. I realize that I have this opportunity because I lost my babies last year at around this same time. I could have a 4-month-old now instead.
At times I'm so nervous. What if the babies don't survive the thaw? What if the transfer doesn't work? What if it does work? (yes, sometimes I do freak out about it working as much as I want it to....call me crazy). What if I miscarry?
At times I feel guilty. So many other people would love to be in my position and I feel bad that they don't have the opportunity I have.
At times I'm exhausted....so tired of this journey and just feel mentally exhausted.
I'm literally all over the place. I feel so out of control at times. It just seems like I'm on a constant roller coaster with my arms up, going up and down on the hills, bouncing out of my seat with no control at all.
And yet I know when this ride is over, I know I'll look back at it and know I had a really good time.
I've been trying so hard to just enjoy this ride...take it as it comes. And I look back at my prayer and I realize how lucky and blessed I am.
And I can be as nervous, happy, excited, sad as I want. I can do acupuncture every day, eat pineapple core until my tongue is raw and do all the other stuff to help my chances. But really it doesn't even matter because God already knows the outcome.
So, I should just sit back and enjoy the ride. Some days I can do that but I've found as the transfer date gets closer and closer, it's gets harder and harder to not have my emotions everywhere. I feel like I'm going crazy.
Sigh......
I can't believe I haven't updated since last Monday.
Let's go back to last Monday when I found out about the beta.
I admit, I took that one as a shock and I had a good cry. It mostly just brought back memories and I missed my babies. This FET has been sooooo much like last year's FET and to think that once again my beta is on my birthday? Two years in a row? What are the chances? Maybe I should buy a lottery ticket....
But, after a day or so, I started feeling better. And that's another post. I realized how BLESSED I am to even have this opportunity. Instead of focusing on the negative I focused on the positive and like I said, that's another post.
Then, let's go to Wednesday. In the afternoon, I was starting to feel pretty tired and my stomach wasn't feeling the best. I didn't think too much about it, just thought I'd feel better after a good night's sleep. I went to church, came home and went to bed.
I woke up at 3 in the morning and I had a horrible headache and stomach ache. I wasn't feeling very good at all. Because I work from home, I normally just work through it when I'm sick. But, this time, I knew I had my chiropractic adjustment and acupuncture that day and then my ultrasound Friday morning and only the Rapture would keep me away from those things. I needed to put my babies first. So, I called in sick to work. That day, I slept all day. I texted the head gymnastics coach in the afternoon to see if I could stay home from coaching that night and she was so sweet and said to just stay home and relax. She's been so awesome through all this FET stuff.
So, Thursday afternoon, it took all my energy, but I made it to the chiropractor for my adjustment and acupuncture. She knew right away that I wasn't feeling good and gave me some extra boost and treatment and I needed it. I went home and rested the rest of the night, went to bed early and felt 100% in the morning.
In the morning, it was our day 10 Lupron ultrasound to see how everything looked and everything looked great! My lining was nice and thin and everything was quiet, just like they wanted. It was a 5-minute "in and out" appointment. Nothing like driving over an hour each way for a 5-minute appointment. But, well worth it. :)
The good news is that starting on Saturday, I was able to decrease the Lupron to 5 units and start the Estrace and aspirin! Things are really moving along!!
And in the typical Tammy fashion, I had to make a song to celebrate dropping down to 5 units.
You know that Subway song "5, 5 dollar, 5 dollar foot long" where they are all showing "5's"? Well, our song was this:
"FIVE":
"FIVE UNITS":
"FIVE UNITS OF LUPRON!!"
As you can see, Tyler was not excited at all to do it and Jamie needed a little help, but we had some fun doing it. :)
And I have to show off a couple pictures of Peyton and Jamie who are just soooooo cute:
Thanks again for all the love and support! It means so much!!
I've been meaning to update since our nurse consult on Thursday and I've just been crazy busy. Thursday after the consult, I coached gymnastics. Friday I worked all day and had Jamie, then had Doogie's training and then had Jamie overnight. Saturday and Sunday I worked all day and had Jamie. Monday I had off work (which was wonderful) and another Jamie day which was awesome when I had it off! And last night I had gymnastics. Today I have off work which will be nice but I have gymnastics tonight.
Man, it makes me tired just reading it. :)
Our nurse consult went very well. It was just the usual talking about the schedule and stuff. And like the nurse said we've been through it before so it was just like hearing a broken record. It did mean a lot to me when the nurse said that everyone in the office was so excited for us and was really pulling for us. That meant a lot.
I have an ultrasound on March 18 and April 1, so 2 times before the transfer.
And I get to start my Lupron TOMORROW!!! I'm soooo excited to start shooting myself!
WOOHOO!!
And I get to have my first Lupron shot on a Peyton day! I love it when I can share those special days with the kids.
I'm excited and yet scared out of my mind. It's such a huge roller coaster of emotions.
In other news (I feel like a news reporter :)):
--Doogie's training is going extremely well! He's doing very good. He has his moments where he is a "rebellious teenager" and has trouble focusing and concentrating but for the most part he's doing great.
--Mark's been having more pain lately in his feet and legs and chest. :( It always breaks my heart when he has the pain. I know there's nothing I can do but it bothers me to see him in pain like that.
--My song about the cycle days is going to be a record and we're in the middle of contracts right now. Not really.
--My brother, Aaron, is in the hospital right now for a 4 mm kidney stone that he has a 50/50 chance of passing or he'll have surgery. He's a couple states away and unmarried so he was by himself but my mom has driven to be with him. Poor guy. The pain is better but he's on morphine. Thoughts and prayers would be greatly appreciated.
--I love being an auntie. :) And I love my sister for giving us so much precious time with our nephews and niece. Life is wonderful.
Yesterday we had our trial transfer/sonogram which is Mark’s favorite part of this whole thing...yeah, that's sarcasm.
When we got there, we had a new nurse who had just recently started but she said she had heard that I had been there for awhile and had been through the ringer.
Great....so I have a reputation.
The trial transfer went well. They are never fun by any means but you get through it. I was told I have a “perfect uterus” and “perfect parts” and the transfer will go beautifully. In all honesty, I get frustrated hearing that. Of course, it’s great to hear, but it really makes you wonder then what has gone wrong all this time? What’s wrong with me?
And I know...nothing...but still it’s hard not to think about that.
Thursday we go in for our nurse consult. Things are moving along!
Mark would love the fact that I’m sharing this. He was talking about how he didn’t understand “cycle days” and “last menstrual period” and asked in his weird humor way if it was like the “Twelve Days of Christmas”. I told him I could write him a song to help him understand so while we were waiting for my “grand opening”, I wrote this song for him to be sung by the tune of “Twelve Days of Christmas” starting at the twelfth day:
On the twelfth day of my period, my body said to me “I’m going to ovulate”
(11) “here comes the egg white”
(10) “more cervical fluid”
(9) “It’s kinda quiet”
(8) “Nothing’s going on”
(7) “Hallelujah”
(6) “No more tampons”
(5) “You’re almost done”
(4) “No more ouch ouch”
(3) “It’s getting better”
(2) “Ouch Ouch”
(1) “Gush Gush”
“And you’re gonna need a tampon”
How many now have the "Twelve Days of Christmas" song in your head? :)
Yesterday was the first day of my birth control pill!! It was exciting to get the show on the road and finally start something after so long.
I was excited that it was a Friday and Jamie and Peyton would get to join in on the celebration. Then, because of the teacher protest in Wisconsin that I'm sure you've heard about, Tyler didn't have school, so all 3 kids got to join in the celebration. :)
I continue the BCPs for a few weeks and start the Lupron shots and estrace on March 19.
Which is 4 weeks away!!
I've never wanted to shoot myself up more than I do right now!
Here are some pictures of the first day of my BCPs!
Jamie thought maybe he should have 1 or 2
Peyton, Jamie and Tyler
Me and Doogie
And I have to throw in this picture even though Mark hates it and thinks he looks like a slob. I just love how much he loves Jamie and love pictures of those two together and how good he is with him.
On another sad note, this past week, it's been so sad in the blogging world as quite a few bloggers have had failed IVF cycles or FETs and my heart is breaking for them. Please know that you are never far from my thoughts and prayers. Love you guys and wish I could take away your pain.
This post really isn’t about cleaning house. That just doesn’t happen around here. It would be a very boring post.
I wanted to update you all on my life as people have been asking. It means so much that people care! Thank you!
Service dog: We are still waiting to hear if we’ve been approved for the service dog or not. I called last week finally because we figured we would’ve heard by then. I was told then that they review cases on Fridays and that if we hadn’t heard anything by now, she was sure the case would be reviewed soon. I wasn’t happy that they couldn’t tell us for sure. I thought it would be professional to give us the exact day our case would be reviewed and it was really upsetting that they couldn’t. Even Mark is getting upset and he’s the “easygoing” one. It’s frustrating.
Home study: We found out that as of 02/01/11, our home study was APPROVED! This came as quite the shock to us. We honestly weren’t expecting it to be approved and I was really starting to try to turn my attention fully on our transfer and on being the best aunt I could be. It just seemed like it was one thing after another. So it was quite the shock when we got the email saying we were approved. We will see what happens with the transfer and go from there.
Which brings me to my next bit:
Transfer: We’ve received our schedule in the mail for our transfer! As soon as I get my February period (which should be around the 15th), I will start on birth control pills. On 03/18/11, I’ll have my baseline ultrasound and then I’ll be starting the Lupron and Estrace starting 03/19/11. I’m sooooo excited to start shots again! I know, sounds weird but man, I want to start shooting myself!
Speaking of the transfer, for those following me on FB, I won’t be updating there. I just have too many family and friends who follow me there and this round, we’re going to just keep it quieter. I’m definitely going to update my blog and keep you guys updated for sure, just not on FB. I don’t care if people find out or anything like that. It was just too hard to tell so many people last time that it didn’t work and this time if it works, it’ll be so much fun to surprise my family and friends.
Mark: Mark hasn’t been having a good week. He’s been having some chest pain. We went in yesterday and they ran some lab work and an EKG and we haven’t heard anything, so that’s good news. If there was something concerning, they would’ve let us know right away, so the fact that we haven’t heard anything is good news. They made some medication adjustments and we will be seeing the cardiologist in 2 weeks again. Please keep Mark in your prayers.
Doogie: Nothing has changed. His farts are still brutal.
Gymnastics and work: I’m back working overtime and coaching gymnastics 6 days a week. I love it, although it does leave little time for anything else. I know there are a lot of people busier than me, so I’m not complaining at all! Just know that if you’re waiting for an e-mail, phone call or a comment on your blog, please know that I’m still here and thinking of you and I promise to catch up.
With that being said, I want to send a shout-out to all my bloggers and friends. I know a lot of you are going through a lot, some with a loss of a pet, a devastating BFN or really down. I’m definitely thinking and praying for you so much. I know there are also some with exciting news, BFP or undergoing a transfer and/or getting prepared for it. I’m so excited for you guys and I’m so glad to be on this journey and cheering you on.
And thank you for all your support!
I can officially say that our transfer date is set!
And the date is.....
APRIL 7!!
I go in for a trial transfer/saline hysterogram on February 28 and then have a nurse consult on March 3rd. They'll be sending out an informational packet to let me know when I start the birth control pills and hormones.
Can ya believe it? :)
The ironic thing is shortly after I had the transfer date set, I got a call from ReproTech stating that they received the paperwork and charged our credit card and now we were the official owners of the embryos.
We're PARENTS!!!
The rep from ReproTech asked if we knew about when we were going to use the embryos. I caught her off guard when I said "I can tell you the exact date we'll be using them!". She said she would be in contact with my clinic and guaranteed they will be there for us and would take care of it.
Such a relief!
Now if you have a fabulous memory, you may remember that we had our last FET with our embryos in the spring 2010. The exact date?
April 9, 2010
I'm feeling just a little deja vu here and in all honesty, it makes me a little nervous. Last time we had 3 "perfect" embryos and this time we have 3 "perfect" embryos. Last year our transfer was April 9 and this year it will be April 7. Last year my beta was drawn on my birthday and, of course, this year will be drawn around my birthday....again.
I try to keep telling myself this is different. Totally different embryos, totally different situation. Just because it didn't work last time doesn't mean it won't work this time. I find myself giving myself a pep talk all the time.
I really scared and nervous. I don't want to go through the same thing as I did last year. It was devastating.
But again....Tammy, different embryos, different situation. This year could be the best birthday present...a positive beta. God could be making up for last year.
I'm up for any other great words of wisdom and advice to help
c-a-l-m
m-e
d-o-w-n. :)
Here we go again guys! Thanks so much for coming on this ride with me! I couldn't do it without all your support and love!
we are the parents of 3 beautiful, perfect embryos!
Yeah, I may be a little biased, but I think they are so beautiful and perfect. :)
After a week of much thought, praying, obsessing, analyzing and calling and faxing my doctor quite a bit, we made our choice and we were happy to get our first choice of embryos!
When we first picked our favorites, we called our doctor who didn't like any of our choices....Murphy's law. We were hoping that at least one of our favorites would be his favorite but that didn't happen.
At first, I was uncomfortable with his top choice and prayed about it. After awhile, I felt it in my heart that we should look at that profile again. So, we did and honestly we liked it a lot better. I called our doctor and explained our reservations about it and he reassured me. We both felt better about the decision then.
What is really amazing to me is that I have a very good friend who had called me shortly after we got the profiles and wanted to let me know there there was "no wrong decision". Another friend emailed me the next day and wrote in big capital letters "THERE IS NO WRONG DECISION". Then, that same night, my friend called me once again and said she felt it in her heart to make sure I knew that there was "no wrong decision". I knew God was telling me something. :)
So, right now we just have to get the paperwork in and the fees for the embryos (..gulp..) and then we officially take ownership. They are on hold for us right now.
And in typical Wondra nut fashion, we have nicknamed our precious embryos:
Walnut
Wingnut
Washer nut
I'll let you guess who nicknamed wingnut and washer nut. :)
We just got back from vacation today. I know I have a ton of blogs to catch up on and I definitely will be doing that. Plus, I have pictures from Christmas, Tyler's birthday and, of course, vacation. But, I had to share that we got our embryo packet while we were away!
In it was a h-u-g-e packet describing each of the 11 (yes, 11) sets of embryos and they are asking we give our first, second and third choices and send it back to them by 01-17-11.
Now the question is how? How in the world do we choose?
I can see lots of people just saying to pick the ones with the best chances. And we will be getting our doctor's input on that for sure.
But, really, when you think about it, we could be choosing our children. How in the world do you pick a first, second and third choice when you're choosing children? How do you decide?
I've been looking at the packets all afternoon. I've ruled out 2 that make me a little nervous. In both sets, the egg donor had histories of miscarriages and even though their genetic testing came back normal, it still makes me a little nervous as my genetic testing came back normal and I was told I still had an egg issue. So, those 2 sets make me too nervous.
Another one also made me a little nervous as the family history on both sides is full of cancer including testicular cancer in the sperm donor at the age of 29. But, we haven't ruled that one out completely.
So, basically out of 11, we've ruled out 2. And it's sooooo hard to narrow it down any further.
Honestly, I don't really rely on "grades" or "blasts" or the medical stuff as I've had "perfect" 4AA blasts transferred that didn't survive and I've seen others with "less than stellar" embryos have live births. So, I know it doesn't matter what the grades are and that it's really in God's hands.
But, really, how in the world do you choose?
Anyone who has been in my shoes and needing to choose embryos, I would love, love, love (did I say love) your advice.
Thanks so much!
Yesterday we had our appointment with our RE for our consult for the embryos we’ll be receiving in January.
Which is a week away.
Wowsers. :)
It went so well. For the first time in a very long time, I had hope. He said as soon as we receive the embryos, we’ll be able to set a transfer date right away and go from there. He also said that once we get the listing of the sets of embryos, we can fax it to him and he will give us his medical opinion about our best chances with each set and go from there. He said he wants us this for us and is willing to do anything. I know it’s in God’s hands but to be told that he’ll help us and give his best medical opinion is just awesome to us.
We also talked about me. I figured the fact that I had a failed FET with 2 perfect embryos was just “bad luck” but I wanted his opinion. He looked in my huge chart (in fact, I have 2 charts) and he said that I definitely have an egg issue and I have crummy eggs (yeah, definitely needed that reinforced to me), but he said I have a beautiful uterus and lining and he says he can’t see me having any less of a chance getting pregnant with donor embryos or donor eggs than anyone else.
He also showed me the Michigan’s clinic’s stats of this year which showed that of 10 FETs, 3 had live births. He told me I just happened to be one of the 7. I figured that was the case, but to hear it from him actually made me feel more relieved. And to be shown the actual stats also made me feel better.
He was very supportive and knows we are very anxious to get going.
Everyone there recognized me and was saying hi and how good it was to see me back. They said it had been too long and they were glad to see I was on the road again. I’m sure you all know how they all become so much like a family. It was good to be back "home" again.
I admit, these past few weeks have been so hard. I find myself crying just out of the blue, some days feeling like my heart is going to bounce out of my chest and some days finding it a struggle to even just breathe because emotionally it hurts so bad. I knew as the due date got closer, it would get harder and harder and I’ve prayed for months that God help me get through the holidays and my due date.
He answered my prayers. He always does. I don’t think it’s any coincidence that when we got on the list this summer and were told it would be at least 2 years, that 6 months later and around my due date, we would be preparing and hoping once again. I don’t know how I would be doing without that hope once again.
Thank you for your thoughts, prayers and emails. It means so much!
It’s so unbelievable to me that perhaps in a couple weeks, we could be choosing our children.
That deserves another Wowsers.
Mark and I are still in shock about this. I was going to wait to share this but really, it's pretty amazing and is such a testament of God that I want to share to show how wonderful He is.
Last summer after our FET wasn't successful, our clinic told us about a waiting list for donor embryos at a nearby clinic where they store embryos. When I called about getting on the list, they said it was free to get on the list, but it was at least a 2-year wait, probably more.
It was discouraging but we thought nothing would hurt to at least get on the list, so we did.
We had kind of forgotten about it or it was way in the back of our minds because the wait was so long we figured.
Lo and behold, we recently learned that there will be embryos available for us in January.
Yes, that's right, January. January 2011.
WOW!
They will be sending us a letter with a list of 3 sets of embryos, characteristics, prices, etc. and we will choose our first, second and third choices. Two other couples will do the same and then the embryos will be distributed out based on that. They will be ready to use immediately.
Which means I could be doing an FET in the spring. We've set up a consult with our RE for December 23 for a FET in the spring.
I can't believe I'm actually saying those words. An FET in the spring.
And our friend and her husband would still like to donate embryos to us which is amazing and we're so excited and honored.
Just when doors seem to close, God opens another one or two and when we least expect it.
God is so good to us!
As far as the adoption, we still want to go down that road if it works out.
It's all in God's hands.
Pretty cool, huh? :)
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