A Mark update and thank you!!!

Thanks so much to everyone for your thoughts, prayers and wonderful comments. They mean so much.

Mark is doing much better. He did have a little insulin reaction last night but as far as his chest pain is concerned, he's feeling much, much better. Yesterday, he was even able to climb a very steep hill despite the fact that I begged him not to go down it in the first place. He just looked at me with the big puppy eyes and said he wanted to. So, I let him. But, he had no chest pain at all and felt good. That makes me feel even more certain that this weekend he had a heart attack with him feeling so much better now.

Sunday was not a good day for me. I was really down. I didn't think I could handle anymore. I didn't want to cry in front of Mark so I went into the bathroom while he was resting and just bawled. Then I felt much better. I hadn't cried all weekend and so I needed to.

Then that night, Mark and I had a heart to heart talk. He told me he was very worried about me and I asked him why. He said undoubtedly he would go before me and I nodded...I understand that. Then he said he's worried I won't be happy and he wants me to be happy. I started crying and Mark held me. I told him I was going to be okay and he just held me and kept saying he wants me to be happy. Then he pointed at my heart and said he will always be there.

I realize I'm very scared of losing him....so scared. I know it will happen, but I'm soooo not ready for it. Someone who has lost her husband told me that you think you can be prepared and people can say/do anything to get you prepared, but you never will be prepared.

I just can't imagine going on with my life without him. We have been giving each other a lot more hugs and kisses and holding each other the past few days. It just seems like life is just too short and every moment we have I want to spend with him, just holding him and letting him know how much I love him.

But, in the big picture, the time here on Earth is so short compared to eternity in heaven. Like I've told Mark, it's only a short time until we see each other in heaven and then it's eternity.

It's still painful though. I love him so very much.