Being strong

I want to thank those who have said I was strong. I think that is one of the best compliments you can give a person. That and being called an angel. Those are the 2 most precious compliments I feel someone can give to someone. So, to be said I'm strong is an honor. Thank you!

I just wish I could believe it.

I honestly don't feel I'm strong at all. I feel if I was strong, I wouldn't find myself crying so much. I don't feel I would be seeing a therapist, like seeing a therapist is seen as a "failure"....although I have to admit, I do think seeing a therapist has helped sooooo much and I think seeing a therapist isn't a "failure" as much as a very brave thing to realize that there is no shame in getting some emotional support through a tough time.

But, I'm afraid if people saw me and saw how much I get sad, how much I cry into Mark's arms, how crabby I sometimes get, how some days it takes so much strength just to get out of bed, how some days I cry because another person got a BFP on their FIRST FLIPPING TRY and how some days I cry because someone is TTC their second when I haven't gotten my FIRST yet....that they would see me as so weak rather than strong.

(to those falling in either TTC category, please know I don't hate you and that I really love you! Some days it's just so hard to see that and as much as I'm happy for you, I'm selfishly jealous and sad for me....so please know that I don't hate you!)

I guess I don't see myself as strong. I really think Mark is the strong one. He's the only going through so much and yet he still has to give me the pep talks and the strength. Yeah, it goes both ways and I sometimes have to give him the pep talks....maybe that's why we get along so well. :) But, Mark has never once said "why me?" and he's always said he would rather go through all the health issues than have it be someone he loves going through it. He has always been there for a hug, even when he's going through a tough time.

I do wish I was stronger. I wish I didn't cry so much. I wish I could see more of God's plan and the positivity in it. I do try as hard as I can and I do see the positive....just wish I could see it more.

So, to those who have said I was strong...thank you. It really means a lot. It's such an honor to hear that. And even though I don't always believe it, it really has helped me to wipe those tears and stand up a little straighter and give me a little more strength.

It's amazing what a few words can do, isn't it?

(((HUGS)))