Happy Holidays???

I know I promised a picture of the ornaments we got. I promise tomorrow I will. Today, I was reading Mer's blog and what she said hit home so much. I was just talking with Mark last night about the holidays and how tough they will be this year and how to let our family and friends know that it will be tough. Mer said this perfect. I'm going to post her post word for word as it seems she was speaking right from my heart.

Here it is:

Earlier this week I received my new Stepping Stones newsletter in the mail... and the cover article really hit home for me. Personally, I am dreading the holidays. Seeing my nieces and nephews open gifts and seeing the joy and laughter in all my family members only reminds me of what I am missing... and it hurts.

I don't know yet how I will handle the holidays... not sure if I will participate in the big family gatherings, or if I will try to have a little time with each part of the family on a smaller scale. To be honest, I would love nothing more than to just run away and avoid the holiday season all together.

I say all of this not to be hurtful to my family who at times I may avoid... but to help them (and you) understand what is going on in my heart and mind. If I avoid a big family gathering, or if I am there but seem distant... it is not that I don't care, I'm not mad at anyone... I'm simply hurting. I am broken... body, mind and spirit... and times like these are such intense reminders of my brokenness.

To my family and friends... I ask for patience and understanding as I work through my grief. This is a very different kind of grief from that of losing someone to death. When I lost my dad it was very final... a definite moment when I knew for certain that I would never see him again. But with infertility it is the death of a dream... of how I always pictured my life would be... and that loss is felt anew with each month... each cycle that we don't conceive.... each time I see a pregnant belly or hold a baby... it is ongoing... constant...

With this in mind, I wanted to share with you excerpts of the cover article from Stepping Stones... The title is "Happy Holidays? Thoughts About Infertility During the Thanksgiving and Christmas Season" written by Angella Merkle.


As I prepare for the holidays, I prepare my shopping list, make cookies, and wrap gifts. One thing I cannot seem to prepare is my heart.

Last year, I spent Christmas morning in my childhood bedroom crying as my nieces and nephews opened up their gifts that I had so lovingly selected for each of them. Watching those sweet kids tear open their presents was another painful reminder that I do not have a child of my own to light up the room with joy and wonderment over gifts and wrapping paper.

Another year has passed and still no baby. Time is supposed to heal all things, but with the pain of infertility, time only increases the anxiety and deepens the hurt. I jokingly told my husband that we are going on a Caribbean cruise this year for Christmas, or skiing, or Las Vegas... anything to avoid the pain of another childless holiday with our families.

What do you do when "the most wonderful time of the year" makes you want to crawl into a fetal position and avoid the world? Here are a few ideas to help you through the holidays.

It is okay to say "No."
During the holidays, if you feel you cannot handle going home, it is okay to say "No." Working at a soup kitchen or homeless shelter are two good alternatives to family gatherings. Helping others has a tendency to work miracles in our hearts.

Give yourself permission to be sad.
Weep and let it out! Go ahead! This can be a hard time; it is okay to be upset. Just remember, "In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry" Ephesians 4:26 NIV.

Hide God's Word in your heart.
Write these Scriptures down and remind yourself often:

I can do everything through him who gives me strength ~ Philippians 4:13 NIV

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are my ways your ways, declares the LORD ~ Isaiah 55:8 NIV

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith ~ Hebrews 12:2a NIV

Tell your family how you feel.
Talk to your family before the holidays and tell them what is in your heart. Having allies who know your plight and can give you a hug or words of encouragement can do wonders in healing your holiday hurts, making the time with family more bearable and even enjoyable.

PRAISE the Lord.
Yes, you heard me, praise the Lord during this tough time. Things might now be going according to your plan, but rest assured that God is in control and has a wonderful plan for your life. Praise Him for being in charge, for knowing what is best for you, and for loving you. Praise Him for holding you in the palm of His hand and never letting you go. Praise Him for sending Jesus to earth to save us from ourselves. Praise Him that you have family to visit during the holiday season. Praise the Lord for your spouse. The list could go on and on... take a minute and add your own.

As I wrote these words, I have cried while remembering past hurts, and I cringe as I anticipate another childless holiday. I realize how desperately I need to cling to the Lord as I steel myself for this upcoming season. More important than all of the gifts and cookies, I need to trust in the Lord to begin a new work in my heart.

On a personal note, I thank God for each of you. As hard as this journey is, I am so thankful to be on it with others like you. I gain strength from knowing you are in the trenches with me, facing the same issues day-in and day-out. May God bless you and keep you during this holiday season.